


Finding Yourself

by lovrgrl5



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Minor Character Deaths, Violence, dubcon, reference to suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-04
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-01-03 13:03:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 55,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1070765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovrgrl5/pseuds/lovrgrl5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has things in their past that shape their future. Blaine's people pleasing ways led to putting himself last and keeping his heart locked away. Kurt's past has left him skittish, especially around people. Will a chance encounter let them break down each other's barriers, or will they forever be stuck in their self damaging ways? AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blaine Anderson was not a morning person. It was as simple as that. It didn’t help that many of his nights ended in the wee hours of the morning, but he was not convinced **_that_** was part of the issue. His meetings were just scheduled too early for his liking.

 His phone rang shrilly, waking him out of a peaceful slumber. As he reached blindly, unwilling to open his eyes yet, to turn off his alarm ap, his arm ended up slapping flesh rather than the wood of his nightstand. Blaine groaned and shook his head.

 “Turn that **_fucking_** noise off.” The man in his bed snapped.

Blaine opened his eyes and grabbed his phone from the man’s other side, hitting the proper buttons to silence the device.

 “If you’re pissed about my alarm maybe you shouldn’t have stayed the night. I **_tried_** to offer you a cab last night.” Blaine snapped back as he slipped out of bed, “I’ll call you one now; it’ll be here in fifteen minutes. I need to shower; you can show yourself out when the cab is here.”

 The man, _‘Shit. What’s his name?’_ , sat up, quirking an eyebrow at Blaine, “Aren’t you just a charmer?” The sarcasm was not lost on Blaine, “Don’t bother with the cab. I’ll take the subway. Thanks for letting me crash.” Blaine nodded as he turned to study his wardrobe options for the day as the man got out of his bed to gather his clothing from the night before, “You’re a good fuck, we should hook up again sometime.”

 Blaine snorted; he **_rarely_** hooked up with the same guy twice. He **_didn’t_** do relationships. _‘Not since Andrew, anyway. I learned my lesson on relationships. Never again.’_

Just as he was about to immediately turn the guy down, his inner need to make everyone happy pulled at him. He knew he was a shallow ass when it came to personal relationships, but he still couldn’t bring himself to straight out turn the guy down.

 “I’m sure I’ll see you around sometime.” Blaine said, finally grabbing a decent looking outfit.

 He turned to see the man smirk and walk out of the room, fully dressed. The sound of the front door opening and shutting allowed Blaine to take a second and compile his thoughts without feeling guarded.

  _‘Today’s the day Blaine. Stand up for yourself. Tell them you’re done doing for others what you should be doing for yourself. It’s time to shine.’_

 Blaine nodded to himself, a new spring in his step as he made his way to the bathroom to get ready for his day.

* * *

 

 Kurt Hummel was **_not_** a people’s person. If he could go without being around people for the rest of his life, he’d be a happy camper. Unfortunately, the world didn’t work that way. Kurt walked briskly with his eyes trained on the ground directly in front of his feet, hoping that no one would cut him off.

 He turned the corner and looked up briefly and sighed as he saw the crowd ahead of him. _‘Why can’t everyone just stay the hell away from here? It’s not even the business part of town, nor is it the tourist part. STOP!’_

 He moved to the building side of the sidewalk and kept with his pace; ignoring the griping people he swept past. He was **_not_** in the mood. He just needed to get to work. He would not let these people bother him. Nope. He would keep walking and avoid eye contact and the inevitable conversations that came with eye contact. _‘Just keep moving Kurt. You can do it. Breathe. They won’t hurt you if you just keep moving and don’t talk to them.’_

 He finally reached his destination and opened the glass door. He breathed a sigh of relief at the familiarity of the grocery store that he had been working at for the previous seven years. He nodded to the coworkers that greeted him as he passed them, keeping his eyes trained on the ground as he went.

 As soon as he reached the employee room, he shut the door and walked to his locker. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, silently praising himself for making it through the throngs of people outside without fully panicking. He opened his locker and put his messenger bag inside and grabbed his apron, placing it neatly over his outfit, he headed out to the floor for what was sure to be another painfully long day of trying to stay invisible as he lined the shelves with everyone’s favorite goods.

* * *

 

 “Frankly, Blaine; I don’t give a shit. You have been highly recommended by many people for accounts like these. These are accounts you don’t turn down! You will **_not_** fuck this up for us! We’ve worked too hard to get you to this point for you to throw it all away because you think you’ve got the goods to make it for yourself.” Jared Strong, Blaine’s agent, sneered at him from across the desk.

 Blaine frowned, trying to push his guilt aside, “I know you’ve worked your ass off for me, but people **_wouldn’t_** be requesting me if they thought I didn’t have talent. I think-“

 “Oh you’ve got talent alright. I wouldn’t represent you if that weren’t the case. You’re talent helps people become big bright stars! You’ve even written a **_fucking_** Broadway musical that will open in the coming months. You make stars. You’re paid big sums of cash to keep your mouth shut and write the music that everyone knows and loves. No one gives a fuck that you’re the ‘ghost’ in their lives; they **_need_** you and your songs.”

 “Yes but I want to take credit for my work now. I get that I can’t take credit for anything in the past, but I want to make a name for myself. I want to own the work I do. I want to sing the songs I write. I want the congratulations that I deserve. I want people to know that the songs they connect to come from **_my_** head, my **_soul_**! Not from some **_dickhead_** of an eighteen year old who thinks his shit doesn’t stink.” Blaine snapped back at Jared, annoyed that the man didn’t seem to care that he cared about his work and wanted to feel heard for once.

 Jared sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest, “You know, Blaine, I’m just disappointed; and I know all three of these accounts would be too.” Blaine tried to stomp down the nagging in his stomach trying to tell him not to let them down, “Everyone speaks **_so_** highly of you, they expect nothing but cooperation and the best songs that their money could buy. But,” Jared let out a heavy sigh, “I **_guess_** I can try and let them down easily. Tell them that you are terribly sorry for causing them trouble, but you’re doing you own thing now.” Blaine’s heart began to race and his stomach turned as the guilt began to build even more, “And I suppose I’ll work even harder to try and make you mainstream. Get you some gigs, some studio time and a record deal. It’ll be a **_ton_** of extra work, all to turn down these jobs.” Jared shook his head slowly, and shuffled the papers around, “But if that’s what you **_really_** want, Blaine, I won’t stop you. I’ll just call and let these people down now.”

 Blaine watched as Jared picked up his phone. His body was physically beginning to shake. “Stop.”

 Jared looked over in surprise, “I’m sorry?”

 Blaine sighed resignedly, “Stop, Jared. I’ll do it. I’ll write for them. No one else though. After this I’m done.”

 Jared smiled brightly and hung up the phone, “Oh, Blaine! I knew you wouldn’t let us down! Now, how about some lunch?”  

* * *

Kurt jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned slowly and looked up to the man behind him.

 “Yes sir? How may I help you?” Kurt asked, trying to keep his voice in control.

 “What aisle is the baby shit?” The man asked around his chewing gum.

 Kurt swallowed at the man’s bulging muscles under his thin t-shirt, knowing the man could snap him in an instant. “U-um, on four sir.”

 “Thanks.” The man nodded and headed off.

 Kurt sighed in relief once the man turned into the aisle and turned to look at the clock over the store entrance. He smiled and mentally patted himself on the back for making it through his shift as he stood and made his way to the employee room to gather his bag once again.

 As Kurt made his way out of the store and down the street, his gaze on his feet once again, he felt his anxiety kicking in. He had promised himself that morning he’d stop for takeout on his way home. It was not only extra time around others, it was an extra conversation he’d have to have with someone. He quickly made his way to the subway station and hopped in the car just in time for the doors to close.

 Throughout the ride, Kurt kept his eyes on the ground and made a mental list of all of the takeout places on his way home from the subway station. His tiny New York apartment was in a nice neighborhood with every kind of food he could ever possibly want within blocks of his home. Not that he ate at those places often; he usually just got groceries from work and cooked from home. He chose to go with Mr. Chao’s Chinese Palace because it was the most direct place between the subway station and his home.

 As soon as he reached his station, he ran up the stairs and directly into Mr. Chao’s. He hastily ordered his food and sat on the bench with his leg bouncing in anxiety as he waited for the food to finish cooking. Many people entered and exited the establishment and Kurt avoided looking at any one of them. He tensed when he felt someone sit next to him on the bench to wait for their food. He curled in on himself and leaned away from the person.

 “Do you eat here often?” The woman, as the voice identified her, asked from her seat next to Kurt.

 Kurt shook his head and turned away, not really caring that it would be considered rude of him to do so.

 Fifteen minutes later the woman that had taken his order brought the bag of his steaming food to Kurt’s perch.

 “Here you go, sir. Is there anything else I can get you?” She said, holding out the bag for him to take.

 Kurt swallowed thickly, “D-does it have chopsticks in the bag?”

 “Of course, sir. There’s only one way to eat our food; that’s with chopsticks.” The woman giggled at her own joke.

 Kurt tried to smile gratefully, making eye contact with the woman for barely a moment before exiting the shop as fast as possible. He walked the block and a half to his building, his breathing coming quickly, not from exertion but anxiety, and his heart pounding.

 As he ran up the stairs to his front door, he ignored the girl who rented the apartment next to his who greeted him as they passed on the stairwell. He dug his keys from the side pocket of his messenger bag and fumbled with the lock with his shaky hands. He had a hard time seeing through the tears that welled in his eyes.

 He made it inside, rushed to put his food on the counter before sinking to the ground. He curled up in a ball and tried to focus on calming his breathing.

  _‘One too many things today. Shouldn’t have stopped for food. Should have known better.’_

* * *

 Blaine blinked heavily as he took another gulp of his drink, the alcohol stinging as it made its way down. He looked around with a contented smile on his face. The lights flashed brightly and the music played loud, letting him get lost in it. The beat pounded through his body, his hips swaying in time with it.

  _‘You fuck up. Couldn’t even stand up for yourself properly. At least you can do **this**.’_ He spied an attractive guy making eyes at him and he gulped the rest of his drink in one swallow, _‘At least no one can take this away from you. You’ll own this talent. You won’t even let your emotions win at something like this. Just do what you know how to own.’_ He ignored that his alcohol fuzzed brain didn’t even make sense at that point in the evening. It was three a.m. and nothing really mattered anymore.

 Blaine walked forward to the guy and went in for the kill, shoving his tongue immediately in the other man’s mouth, no shame nor misleading conversation about his actions.

  **XXXX**  


 Blaine woke the next morning with a headache in a strange apartment, in bed with a man he didn’t know. He sighed and got up, not even bothering to wake the man. He slipped on his clothes and made sure he had his keys, phone and wallet and made his way outside. He stepped onto the sidewalk and looked around, trying to figure out where he was.

 He tried to ignore the chalky taste in his mouth as his stomach growled and lurched all at once, causing Blaine to **_almost_** regret the last drink he’d had the night before. He spied a grocery store down the block a ways and decided to stop in there and grab something to snack on and ask where he could find a subway station.

 He made his way into the store, immediately spotting the ready-to-go sandwiches advertised in the back corner by the refrigerated section and meandered towards the sign. He smiled at the guy who was stocking the milk, but the man kept his eyes on his task at hand.

 Blaine kept his smile on as he spoke, “Excuse me?”

 The man jumped and looked up at Blaine. Blaine felt his heart stop as the man’s gorgeous blue-green eyes met his gaze. Blaine took a second to really study the man; he was gorgeous. Blaine’s heart began thudding in his chest. _‘What the fuck? You haven’t had a reaction like this in years. You know better than this. You **just** got laid too, so it’s not like your horny. Just ask your fucking question and be on your way.’_

 “Y-yes sir?” The soft voice of an angel- _‘Seriously? Stop. FUCK!’_ -spoke to Blaine.

 “Yeah, do you know where I can find the subway station? I’m sort of lost.”

 The man swallowed, “U-um, yes sir. When you exit take a left and walk t-two blocks then take a right and walk a block then take a left and you’ll s-see it about halfway down the street on the left.”

 “Excellent, thank you,” Blaine looked to the man’s chest to see his nametag pinned to his apron, “Kurt.”

 The man-Kurt- nodded and turned back to his work, visibly shaking. Blaine wondered if he should ask if he was alright, but decided against it. He headed over to the sandwiches he had had his eye on upon entering the store.

 Just as he was about to grab the turkey and swiss cheese sandwich all hell broke loose.

* * *

**A/N: Hey y'all! So, basic formatting notes, the 'grey line' is a perspective jump between Kurt/Blaine and the 'XXXX' is a time jump within the perspective. Any other questions or anything, let me know! This is a WIP, I'm getting y'all caught up with my FF crew, but then I'll be updating at the same time as them. :) Let me know what y'all thought!**


	2. Chapter 2

Blaine heard the ‘thwunk-gulp’ as a plastic carton of a gallon of milk hit the ground before he heard the undeniable ‘splash’ of the milk erupting everywhere. Blaine cringed as he pictured the gorgeous man, Kurt, losing his grip on the carton through his shakiness.

 “ **WHAT THE FUCK, MAN**?! **WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING**?! **I’M FUCKING SOAKED**!! **YOU’RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, DROPPING THAT SHIT JUST AS I STEP OVER TO GRAB A FUCKING YOGURT**!!”

 Blaine turned to see a man dressed in a nice suit, obviously on his way to some high powered job, screaming at Kurt. Blaine abandoned his sandwich quest, taking in the sight before him.

 Kurt had shrunk into a ball on the floor with his arms folded over the back of his head in a protective stance. His shoulders were raising and falling rapidly with his breathing. His entire body was shaking even worse than before. With every passing word of the businessman he seemed to shrink smaller and smaller.

 “Is there a problem here?” A man wearing a polo shirt with the name of the store stitched into it asked the yelling man, ignoring his suffering employee.

 Blaine stepped forward as the man began yelling at the manager. He bypassed the duo and sunk to his knees, ignoring that his jeans were getting wet.

 “Hey.” Blaine said, knowing not to touch the man or else it might make things worse.

 Kurt immediately stiffened, but his breathing kept going rapidly, causing small whimpers to escape his lips.

 “Hey,” Blaine tried again in a soft tone, “It’s okay. It was an accident. Deep breaths. I’m right here. Deep breaths. Calm down. It’ll be okay.”

 Blaine kept coaching the man to take deep breaths and try and calm down until his breathing finally began to slow, his muscles going slack. Blaine watched him slowly unfold from his hunched form. Once his arms dropped, he turned his head to the side just enough for one brilliant blue-green eye to meet Blaine’s gaze. His eye looked exhausted, understandably so.

 “My name’s Blaine.” Blaine didn’t know why his name popped out of his mouth, but it did and he held out his hand for the man to shake.

 Kurt’s eye flickered to his hand and back to his face; he slowly reached out a hand and shook Blaine’s. “Kurt.”

 Blaine released the man’s hand and offered a soft smile, “You okay?”

 Kurt sat down on the ground and wrinkled his nose in disgust as he felt the wetness of the milk lake soaking into his khakis, “Yes. I’m sorry.”

 Blaine felt his stomach drop, “What for? This was an accident.” He said, gesturing to the milk surrounding them.

 Kurt shook his head slowly, “For freaking out. Thanks for helping.”

 Just as Blaine was about to respond, the manager intervened.

 “Kurt? I need you to clean this up **_immediately_**. One more incident and you’re out, you got it?”

 Kurt nodded slowly and responded in a small voice that Blaine could barely hear, “Sorry Seth.”

 “Just get moving.” The manager-Seth-turned to Blaine, “Sir? Is there something I can help you find? I apologize for the mess, it’ll be cleaned in no time.” His voice was sugary sweet, a huge contrast from the voice he’d used with Kurt.

 Blaine watched Kurt stand and scurry to the back room with his eyes trained on the floor, ignoring the snickering of people watching him pass with the large wet spot gracing the back of his pants.

 Blaine stood and faced the manager, “It was an **_accident_**. Accidents happen. That other guy was a dick. Don’t fucking take it out on your employee.”

 Blaine turned and walked out of the store without waiting for a response. The further he walked, the more his heart told him to go back and make sure Kurt was alright. He shook his head as though to clear the thoughts.

  _‘Forget him. He’ll be fine. He already said so. You’ve done your duty, let it go.’_

* * *

 Kurt tried not to cry-again- as he locked the door to his apartment the following morning. He hadn’t slept well at all the night before as his mind replayed the scene from the afternoon he’d endured. He also couldn’t get the nice man with the beautiful honey-hazel eyes out of his mind. _‘Stop. He’s just a random person-a random person you told your name to. He’ll probably come back. When he does just keep your head down...but he helped...no. Head down.’_

 Kurt took his time walking to work from the subway station. He had some extra time because he hadn’t looked at his clock before leaving and was early for his shift. As he rounded the final corner, he lifted his head for his scan to find a clear path to walk to the store. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a mop of curls standing outside of the store scanning the sidewalk around him.

  _‘Oh no. He’s back. Keep your head down and he won’t notice you. He doesn’t know you’ve seen him. Just keep walking. Ignore him. He’ll only hurt you. Just go. Please don’t hurt me. Please. Please. Please. Just go away. Don’t notice me. Please.’_

 As Kurt walked closer and closer to the store, keeping his eyes locked on the pavement at his feet, his mind went into overdrive. Subconsciously he knew he needed to pull it together before a full panic attack took him over, but he **_needed_** to get past Blaine without being noticed.

 “Kurt?” _‘Damn it. Keep walking. You don’t hear him. Just go. Go away! Let me go. Please.’_ “Kurt! Wait up!”

 Kurt walked as fast as he could past the voice. Not fast enough, apparently, as he felt a hand softly touch his arm in passing.

  It wasn’t a grip. It wasn’t rough. Just a soft pat to try and get his attention. Kurt still couldn’t help the yelp or the way he jumped out of the way, nearly hitting a costumer who was trying to enter the store.

 “Oh **_shit_** , I’m so sorry. Kurt? It’s me. Blaine? From...yesterday.” Blaine’s voice drifted toward Kurt where he stood, facing away from Blaine, trying to keep his breathing under control. “I just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

  _‘Just answer his question and move on. Tell him to leave you alone.’_

 Kurt sucked in a deep breath and turned to face Blaine once again, “I’m fine, Blaine. Please just leave me alone. Okay? I just want to be left alone.”

 Blaine’s brows furrowed into a cross of confusion, hurt and worry, “Okay. Well, if you, uh, need anything-“

 Kurt watched with wide eyes as Blaine began reaching his hand out, a piece of folded paper tucked between his fingers. Kurt’s heart began to race and he tried to take a steadying breath, “Stop.” Blaine’s hand immediately stopped, as did his voice, “ ** _Please_** just leave me alone. I appreciate what you did yesterday. You helped a lot. Just...please leave me alone now.”

 Kurt felt his heart pang in his chest at the sad look that briefly crossed Blaine’s features before he schooled his expression into a half-smile.

 “Okay, Kurt. Take care of yourself, okay?”

 Kurt nodded and dropped his gaze to the pavement once again and walked as fast as he could into the store without even casting smiles at those who welcomed him.

* * *

 Blaine scratched out yet another line of the song he was trying to finish. It had been two weeks since the meeting with Jared and he had very little to show for all of the hours he’d put in. He had to have one song done within two days and the other two he still had a week to finish. He was screwed.

 It’s not that he wasn’t inspired to write, just not for other people. Not anymore. All of the lyrics he’d come up with fit perfectly for the album that he wanted to put together for himself.

 Not to mention every time he tried to focus the image of Kurt would pop into his mind and he’d wonder how he was holding up. Kurt had asked him to leave him alone. Plain and simple. Blaine couldn’t deny him that simple request. He just had to get over it. It’s not like he would have acted on any of the feelings fluttering in his chest, he’d learned that lesson long ago, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to care from a distance.

 The bell over the door to the diner rang; Blaine didn’t look up to see who it was. Probably one of the regulars. This was a diner that Blaine loved to sit in and write, or just pass time. It was on a secluded street that Blaine had found upon first moving to New York, before he made all of his money that allowed him to move into the gorgeous apartment he’d moved to a few years prior.

 It was only when he heard the voice that Blaine looked up.

 “Go ahead and find a seat, someone will be with you in just a second.” Marge, the nice woman who ran the diner, said.

 “O-okay. No problem.”

 That’s when Blaine looked up. _‘No fucking way!’_

 Kurt stood, wringing his hands, looking around the shop, which was mostly empty, for a place to sit. He kept looking back to the door, appearing to decide whether or not to stay.

 “Kurt?” Blaine said, with his arm half-raised in greeting.

 Kurt’s eyes flew to Blaine, his mouth dropped open in surprise. He seemed to study Blaine for a moment before taking a small, tentative, step towards him.

 “Blaine? I-I didn’t know you came here.”

 Blaine nodded, “You want to sit down?” He asked, gesturing to the empty side of the booth.

 Kurt raised a shaking hand to itch his neck, looking between the door and Blaine, “U-um. Okay.”

 Kurt slowly sank onto the very edge of the bench, his eyes studying Blaine thoroughly. Blaine closed his notebook and placed his pen on top of it.

 “So, I’ve never seen you in here before. Do you come here often?” Blaine said with an easy smile.

 “Oh-“

 “Alright, sorry for the wait. What can I start you with, sir?” Lily, one of the waitresses, asked Kurt with a bright smile.

 Kurt’s wide eyes blinked at her, his breathing a little faster than the moment before. He looked to Blaine for a second before meeting Lily’s gaze again, “Um, coffee please. Just coffee. Thanks.” He looked to the table as he reached into his pocket for his wallet.

 “Oh don’t worry, sir. You can pay when you’re done.” Lily said before turning to Blaine, her smile brightening even more as she reached out to touch his shoulder, “What about you, Blaine? How are you doing? Can I get you **_anything_** else?”

 Blaine smiled at her; she knew he was gay but always attempted to flirt with him, “I’m just fine, Lily. Maybe a refill on my coffee, if you wouldn’t mind?”

 “Of course. Are you **_sure_** that’s all I can do for you?” She said with a wink.

 Blaine laughed heartily, she just giggled along as well, “Still gay, Lil. Nice try though.” He said with a wink.

 “Alright, I’ll go get you boys your coffee. Gimme your cup, Blaine.”

 He handed her his cup and turned his attention to Kurt once more. His eyes were wide as saucers as he looked between Blaine and Lily and the table. At least his breathing was beginning to slow a bit.

 “So, you never answered my question. Do you come in here often?”

* * *

 Kurt closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. He was already pushing himself enough by making the stop in the diner for coffee before work. Pushing himself even more by sitting with **_Blaine_** of all people was pushing too far. He knew it but also wanted to see just how much he could take. When he opened his eyes again he saw Lily ( _‘That was her name right?’_ ) walking over with two cups of coffee in hand.

 “Here you go guys.” She set them down on the table, “I’m Lily by the way.”

 Kurt shook her hand and offered a weak, “Kurt.”

 “So, are you Blaine’s boyfriend or something? I’ve **_never_** seen him bring anyone in with him before. Well, not since-“

 “ ** _Okay_** , thank you Lily. No he’s not my boyfriend. Just a...an acquaintance. We’re just getting to know each other.” Blaine said with a soft smile.

 Kurt’s heart rate sped up in his chest. _‘No. No! See. This is what happens. You knew better than to sit with him. Stop. Go now. Get up and go. Pay for your damn coffee and go.’_

 “Kurt?” Blaine’s voice broke through his thoughts.

 “U-um. No. I don’t.” Kurt answered softly, trying to regain control of his breathing, **_again_**.

 “I’m sorry?” Blaine asked, confused as to what Kurt was answering.

 Kurt took a steadying breath, “I don’t come here often. Do you?”

 Blaine’s eyes lit with comprehension, “Yeah, actually I do. I used to live around here and I loved this place, so when I need time for me I come here.”

 Kurt nodded slowly, unsure of what to say. “I-I live around here. I decided to stop in before work today.”

 Blaine hummed in response, “Why today? Why not before?”

 Kurt swallowed over the lump in his throat, _‘Just one little true answer won’t kill you. Okay two if you include the first answer.’_ “I wanted to push myself. To be more...social.”

 Blaine’s smile wasn’t condescending at all, if anything it was **_understanding_**. Kurt didn’t know how that was possible. Blaine was a confident, well liked guy from what Kurt could tell from the few times he had seen him.

 “Well, that’s great that-“

 ‘Defying Gravity’ rang through the air, interrupting Blaine’s sentence. Kurt scrambled into his bag and pressed the silent button on his phone. He saw Rachel’s name and rolled his eyes lovingly. They had remained close through everything and he didn’t know what he’d do without her, but this was neither the time nor place for what was sure to be a lengthy discussion. She’d had an audition the week before and her callback was the day before, surely she found out whether or not she got the part.

 “I’m sorry.” Kurt mumbled.

 “It’s okay, I love that musical. Too bad it’s no longer on Broadway; or touring, for that matter.” Blaine replied.

 Kurt smiled slightly, feeling himself relax. As soon as the realization hit him, he stood up out of his seat and reached into his pocket, slamming some cash down on the table. He made to leave, but Blaine’s voice stopped him.

 “Kurt, wait!” Blaine’s pleading voice called out to him; Kurt turned slowly, his heart running rampant in his chest, his breathing fast. “Just...wait a second.”

 Kurt took a deep breath, “I have to go to work.”

 He turned and ran out of the diner, straight back home to the safety behind his walls. He called out sick to work, ignoring the disappointment in Seth’s voice and curled up into a ball on his couch, a blanket wrapped tightly around him.


	3. Chapter 3

When Kurt finally came back to himself he was exhausted. He didn’t know how much time had passed but his body screamed at him as he slowly stretched himself out. He figured he’d been out for a while considering all of the aches that immediately showed up. He found his phone on the floor next to the couch and he kicked off the blanket around him to reach down and grab it.

 He pushed the button to display the time and frowned when he saw that four hours had passed. _‘Another long one. At least it’s better than the last long one.’_

 He scrolled through his several missed calls and texts from Rachel demanding he call her. He sighed and stood up to stretch some more and change out of his now sweaty clothing. He thought about his morning as he walked and felt shame course through his veins that he’d run away from Blaine so fast without waiting to hear what he’d had to say. His expression had been so concerned yet so...kind and Kurt was sure he’d stomped that expression right off his face. _‘It doesn’t matter though. You’re protecting yourself. You did the right thing.’_ The more he thought about it, the more tears of anger, resentment, shame, guilt and annoyance tried to push out. He shoved them away because he knew they wouldn’t help. Nothing helped; this was just how life was. He needed to keep everyone far away so as not to be hurt. _‘Trying to push yourself hasn’t helped anything. Just stick to your routine.’_ Kurt nodded to himself as he grabbed a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, _‘It’s not like I’m leaving the house again today anyway.’_

 Once he had changed and was seated with a mug of tea on his couch again, Kurt grabbed his phone and dialed Rachel’s number.

 “ **KURT ELIZABETH HUMMEL**!! **WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN**?! **I’VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR _HOURS_**!!!” Rachel’s screeching voice came down the line.

 “I’ve been...” Kurt trailed off as Blaine’s face came flooding back into his mind. He sniffled as a solitary tear made its way down his cheek.

 Blaine. Who was gorgeous and caring and, apparently, gay and patient and helpful and kind and... _’If only stupid shitting James hadn’t ruined EVERYTHING maybe I would be able to get to know Blaine for who he is and let him know me.’_

 “Kurt?” Rachel’s voice was much softer; she’d obviously heard his sniffle.

 “I’m fine, Rach. Tell me what’s going on with you. How’d your callback go?”

 “Nope. I’m coming over and bringing lunch. Do you want ‘I’m eating my emotions’ or ‘I need to fit in my Tony gown’?”

 Kurt laughed despite himself, “Both?”

 “Okay. See you soon; you’d better open the door for me. You remember what happened last time!” Rachel said through her own giggles as the line went dead.

 Kurt sighed and put his phone on the coffee table. He didn’t feel like having Rachel over but knew better than to fight her on it.

  **XXXX**  


 Several hours and a ton of food later, Kurt wiped away the last of his tears with the hand that wasn’t held captive in Rachel’s grip. Talking about his past and his regrets with Blaine had taken its toll on Kurt. He had been exhausted from his morning of panic, but he was even more so now. He leaned his head on the back of the couch and looked at Rachel, his heart swelling with her constant support.

 “Thanks, Rachel. I really appreciate you letting me talk everything out. I know most of it you’ve heard before but...” Kurt took a deep breath, shaking his head, “I just wish I could be past it finally. I just want to live a normal life.”

 Rachel smiled comfortingly and squeezed his hand, “I know you do. You’re so strong though, Kurt. You’re my number one diva and I’m sad to see you upset. I’m glad to hear you’re trying to push yourself though. Maybe eventually it’ll help. Just don’t give up on this Blaine guy. At the very least he could be a good friend for you. Maybe more **_someday_**. You never know.”

 Kurt offered a weak smile, but decided he’d wallowed enough for one day. He sat up a little and squeezed Rachel’s hand, “So, you never told me about your callback. How’d it go?”

 Rachel’s excited squeal left Kurt’s ears ringing, “ **I GOT IT**!! The songs are **_amazing_**! And it’s a brand new show so I’ll be **_originating a Broadway role_**! Kurt. Do you know how **_amazing_** this is?! The story is so great, but those **_songs_**! My god. The songwriter is a genius! We get to meet her and the playwright during our table read with the director and stage manager tomorrow! I can’t wait to tell her what a genius she is!”

 Kurt smiled widely, his heart thumping wildly in excitement for his friend. She’d worked so hard just for a shot at an audition and now she’s originating a starring role. Sure, she’d already won a Tony for her performance in Les Misérables, but this was **_originating_** a role; this was a whole new ballpark. Not to mention, this show was the one that the Broadway blogs had been screaming about for the past couple months. Not only was the story and music rumored to be incredible, but the showrunners had only been looking into big name talents to fill the spots, thus leaving Rachel the need to pull every string she had to get an audition.

 “I’m so proud of you Rachel. I knew you could do it.” Kurt leaned over and gave her a hug as she dissolved into her own tears of overwhelming feelings running through her.

* * *

Blaine handed over all three songs to Jared the next morning as he sat down across the desk from him. He rubbed a hand down his face, blinking hard twice, hoping not to fall asleep while sitting there. It had been a late night for Blaine. He wrote all three songs in the morning and afternoon after Kurt ran out of the diner in what seemed to be a state of panic. Blaine worried whether or not Kurt made it to work alright, but didn’t have a number to reach him at. He also didn’t want to seem like a stalker by showing up at Kurt’s work again, so he stayed away. He couldn’t help but feel guilty, like he’d caused Kurt’s panic, and it kept him up for the better part of the night. As morning dawned, he realized he was getting himself in too deep, worrying about Kurt too much. He couldn’t allow that. He came to the conclusion, as his eyes finally drifted closed for the two hours he had left to sleep, that he’d leave Kurt alone and not let him get any closer. Blaine needed to protect himself and not hurt Kurt anymore. It was better for the both of them if he just walked away quietly.

 Jared finished looking over the songs and sat back with a smile on his face. “I think they’ll be **_very_** happy with these, Blaine. Excellent job. You can look for your payment by the end of the week, once these are approved.” Blaine nodded his acknowledgement, “Oh! Did you read the article I sent you last night?”

 Blaine thought back to the night before when he’d checked his email. He’d seen one from Jared but didn’t open it because it was a forwarded message so he’d figured it could wait. “No, I didn’t get around to it.”

 Jared sighed, “Well, they **_finally_** finished casting ‘Running From Nothing’ yesterday with the final girl signing on to play Erika.”

 Blaine nodded, “Anyone I know?”

 “Yeah, you know that Rachel Berry girl that won the Tony for Eponine last year?”

 Blaine sat up, more awake in his surprise, “ ** _Her_**? That’ll be....great! She’s got a fucking great voice; I figured she’d already have booked something since her run in Les Mis just ended.”

 Jared shrugged, “Well, they got her. Of course, when they open you’ll get your complimentary tickets. How many do you want?”

 Blaine shrugged, “I guess two. I’ll bring Cooper with me.”

 Jared nodded and wrote something down, probably the number of tickets, and sat back again. “So, let’s talk about what’s next, shall we?”

 Blaine nodded, “Yeah, I’ve been writing some great stuff for my own album. I guess we need to look into studio time and a label that will sign me to distribute my album? Right?”

 Jared sighed and shuffled some papers around his desk, “Yes, I supposed that **_could_** be a course of action. However-“

 “No! Jared. We talked about this last time!” Blaine felt the anger growing inside of him at Jared’s decision to ignore his wishes. “We decided those songs,” Blaine said, jabbing his finger toward the folders he’d handed over earlier, “Would be the last ones I write for someone else. I **_need_** to do my own thing. Are you with me or not?”

 “Blaine. Calm down, man. I’m just giving you options.” Jared replied calmly. “I’m always on your side; I just want you to know all of your options before we make any decisions.”

 Blaine took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. “Jared. I want to make my own album. Let myself be heard. If you tell me about my other ‘options’ then I’ll just feel guilty, like I need to write for these fuckers who don’t have two brain cells to write for themselves. I don’t need this shit. Are you going to help me get my album going or not?”

 Jared raised an eyebrow at him, “I’ll help you. Let me just call these two and let them know you have no time or energy to help them even though they begged me to have you do it. I told them you were wanting to go in a different career direction, but they begged me to ask. I’ll just let them know you don’t care enough to help them out. Give me a minute and we can discuss your album ambitions.”

 Blaine’s stomach turned and his heart felt like it was fraying. _‘No. Not again. Don’t let him do this to you. Focus on your own goals. Don’t let yourself down again.’_

 “Actually, I’ll just call them later.” Jared said as he began rolling up his shirt sleeves to his elbows, “Let’s talk about **_you_**. What kind of music have you written that you want your name attached to?”

 Blaine’s brain couldn’t focus on anything Jared was saying. The nagging in his heart, stomach and conscience pulled his focus. _‘Jared tried to tell them but they begged for me. I can’t really let them down like that, can I? They fucking **begged**. They must really need me. I need to focus on myself. I **can’t** focus on myself if I’m trying to write for them. Just stick to no.’_

 “If I said yes to these clients, I need your word that you won’t so much as bring up another client to me again. I **_have_** to focus on myself after this.” Blaine said, resigned to his guilt.

 Jared’s smile could have lit up Times Square, “ ** _Absolutely_**. In the meantime we can book some gigs for you, begin to get your name out there. How does that sound?”

 Blaine shrugged as he picked up his backpack and stood, “Sounds fine. No place too divey though; I refuse to play in shitholes when I **_know_** you have connections at better places.”

 Jared nodded in agreement, “Sure thing. Then we’ll work on a quick sample album to send to labels so we can get you signed and get a real album in the works. Just you wait, Blaine. You’ll be **_huge_** soon. I’ll email you with the details about these last clients.” Jared said with a questionable smile.

 Blaine just nodded and walked out of the office, disappointment and shame running through his veins.

* * *

Kurt walked past the diner every day for the following week. He refused to actually enter the establishment. Fear of two things held him back; seeing Blaine and **_not_** seeing Blaine sitting inside. He’d promised Rachel he’d try, but he couldn’t bring himself to **_actually_** go out of his way to see Blaine again.

 On the Friday following the ‘Blaine incident’ as Kurt was turning the corner after his daily walk past the diner, he heard his name called out from across the street. He turned and smiled at Rachel as she wove at him.

 “Hey Rach!” He yelled across the street, wondering why she didn’t just cross already, until he saw the reason walking out of the market behind her.

 Kurt sighed and debated running away as the duo made their way across the street.

 “Well, well, if it isn’t Lady Hummel! We were just coming to see you at your bachelor pad.” Santana said as they approached him.

 “Good to see you, Santana.” He said, reaching to give both her and Rachel a quick hug. “I’m actually on my way to work. Sorry I can’t talk for too long.”

 “That’s alright, Kurt. We were coming to invite you out to get a drink with us tonight after my rehearsal.” Rachel said with a bright smile.

 Kurt looked at her with wide eyes. _‘She knows I never go out and do stuff like that. Too many people. I can’t. I won’t. Something will happen. Somebody will notice me and something will happen. Or happen to them. I can’t let that happen. Nope.’_

 “Jesus, Hummel, calm your tits. We weren’t even inviting you; we were **_telling_** you that you’re coming out with us. Me and Brit are in town visiting for **_one_** weekend and you had better fucking come out with us. Got it?” Santana said with her arms folded across her chest.

 Kurt could feel his hands beginning to shake and his heart rate skyrocket, but he found himself nodding nonetheless. He and Santana weren’t ever really friends, but she stuck up for him when he needed it most and he was still sort of scared of being on her bad side.

 “Oh Kurt! This is going to be **_amazing_**! I found this cute little bar down the street from our rehearsal studio and they apparently have live bands every Thursday through Saturday. You’ll love it, I promise!”

 Kurt nodded his acknowledgement, “Um, just text me the address and the time you want to meet there.”

 Santana snorted, “Like I’m letting you come alone. You won’t show. Me and Brit will come get you at nine. Look hot. I refuse to be seen with someone in khakis.” She said with a pointed glance at his work uniform, half of which was hidden under a sweater.

 Kurt sighed, fully aware that he’d just signed onto a night that would most likely end in panic. Or embarrassment. Or both.


	4. Chapter 4

Kurt glanced at his door as he paced passed it for what felt like the millionth time. He sighed and pulled out his phone from his pocket to check the time. Sure, Santana and Brittany were notorious for being late, he somehow figured they’d be on time for once due to their wanting to avoid the wrath of Rachel. His phone read 8:57 pm and his heart began racing and his stomach began to clench. He shook out his hands in an unsuccessful attempt to get the shakiness to stop.

 Just as he turned to pace back again, there was a round of knocking which sounded suspiciously like the clapping pattern their elementary school teachers used to get the students’ attention. Kurt shook his head and walked to the front door, smoothing down his shirt as he walked.

 He opened the door only to get an armful of Brittany.

 “ **DOLPHIN**!” She screeched into his ear, “San said we were coming to get you, but I didn’t believe her because I thought you were still out swimming with the other dolphins and that’s why you couldn’t come back to Lima to visit us.”

 Kurt pulled out of her embrace and immediately wrapped his arms around his torso, “Um, yeah Brit, I’m still not coming back to Lima, but you can come here anytime.” He offered with a weak smile, looking into her confused eyes.

 “But, why-“

 “ ** _Please_** tell me **_that’s_** not what you’re wearing out tonight?” Santana interrupted from behind Brittany with a soft wink towards Kurt.

 Kurt sighed in relief at the subject change, but the relief was short lived as he looked down at his outfit. “What do you mean?”

 Santana rolled her eyes, “Okay Brit, go find something to drink and sit on Lady Hummel’s couch while I go turn him into the pretty, pretty pony we once knew.”

 Before Kurt could respond, Santana had a firm grip on his arm and was steering him towards the small hallway that led to his bedroom. He was pushed inside his bedroom and the door was slammed behind them.

 “How’d you-“

 “Oh come on, Hummel. Your apartment is tiny as fuck, if we’d gone the other direction I’d be standing in your kitchen. Now, strip while I get you a hot ass outfit to wear.” She stalked over to his closet and began shuffling through his clothes, a frown forming deeper and deeper on her face with every passing garment.

 Kurt shifted in his spot, but made no move to undress. “Santana? I-I’m fine. This outfit is really-“

 “Ugly, not showing what you got, **_comfortable_** , stupid, not Hummel-like? Yeah, I got that. In fact, none of your shit is Hummel-like anymore. What the fuck?” She turned to him with a much softer expression than her voice would have offered.

 Kurt swallowed and looked to the ground, “I just...I don’t **_want_** those types of clothes anymore. Look what happened when I used to wear them.” He batted frustratedly at the single tear that managed to escape his eyes. “I can’t get noticed. I can’t get hurt. I can’t let you or Rachel or Brittany get hurt.”

 He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to reign in his growing panic.

 Santana walked across the room and placed a hand on his bicep, “Look, Kurt. I get it, okay? Remember, I was there before you left for this hellhole. You’ve got to move on at some point. I know it’s easy for me to say, but start small. I’m sure you’ve got **_something_** to wear trapped in here somewhere?”

 Kurt took a steadying breath, shrugged and walked to his closet; kneeling on the floor, he dug out a bag of clothes that he’d bought one afternoon out of admiration but hadn’t brought himself to wear yet. He held the bag out to Santana, who silently looked through the options, a wicked grin forming across her face.

 “Perfect, Hummel. Let’s get you looking hot.”

  **XXXX**  


 “ **KURT**! You look **_fabulous_**!” Rachel said, pulling him into a hug before greeting the girls.

 Kurt looked around nervously to see if her outburst had caught any attention; luckily no one seemed to have noticed. He slowly sank onto a stool at the table Rachel had gotten them, still looking around, trying to catch hold of his surroundings.

 “ ** _Dolphin_**!” Brittany bopped Kurt on the nose, causing him to yelp.

 All three girls were looking at him expectantly. “Um, sorry, what?”

 Brittany giggled, “I asked what you want to drink because Santana said she didn’t know what you wanted. It’s my responsibility to get the drinks because then I can dance to the bar and back. Santana says I can’t dance on the table like last weekend.”

 Rachel stifled a giggle and Kurt’s eyes widened in alarm. “Yeah, please don’t. Just a water, thanks Brit.”

 “ ** _Bullshit_** , Hummel. Are you going to order something magically fruity or do I need to for you?” Santana said as she took her seat next to him.

 Kurt sighed, “I don’t drink, Santana.”

 “You are tonight.” Santana said with thinning patience in her voice.

 “Fine. I’ll take a Cosmo.” Kurt mumbled, shaking his head.

 “Thatta boy, Hummel.” Santana said, tapping his hand.

 “Yeah, yeah. Rachel, how was rehearsal?” Kurt turned to her, seated on his other side.

 “Oh, **_wonderful_**! I had an inspired discussion with Marsha, the songwriter, who came in to hear us sing today. She said that the songs ‘just came to her one day’. I wish I had talent like that. Someday I will write, star and direct myself in a show. Just you-“ Her ranting was cut off by her cell phone ringing just as the announcer came on stage to announce the first artist of the evening. “Sorry, I have to step out to take this. I’ll be back in a minute!”

 Rachel ran off and Kurt watched her push her way through the crowd, stopping once to sign an autograph for someone who recognized her. He sighed as he realized his time out with Rachel was limited if he wanted to stay unnoticed. He clapped along dutifully as the artist took the stage, he’d missed the artist’s name, but it didn’t matter to him.

 It didn’t matter, that is, until the artist spoke.

* * *

 “Hi guys, my name’s Blaine Anderson. This is my first gig, so be patient.” Blaine chuckled as he swung his guitar from his back to his front and started plucking away at it, “I wrote all of the music I’ll be sharing with you this evening. Before we start I want to thank the guys behind me, they’re some old friends who are helping me out for the evening.”

 Blaine turned and smiled at his friends from college who’d readily agreed to back him for the show. They’d been anxious for him to make his break into the industry and had been wondering why it’d taken so long. Blaine nodded to Shane on the drums and the beat started up.

 Blaine began playing for his life. Every lyric and note flowed out of him until he wasn’t playing any longer, the music was just escaping him. His mind went blank and he lost himself to the music. He smiled as he finished his second to last song; he allowed his mind to come back to the present and looked out to the crowd that he could barely see through the stage lights. The cheers that erupted only made Blaine’s smile widen.

 Blaine scanned the crowd for a moment as he played the final notes. He eyed a couple of guys who he’d seek out after his set; he also internally chuckled at the ladies obviously sending him ‘fuck me now’ eyes. _‘Never going to happen, ladies. Nice try.’_

 His eyes found a face that was strikingly familiar, but Blaine knew better than for it to really be Kurt. If Blaine had learned anything about Kurt, it was that he didn’t do social settings very well at all. The man seated next to the Latina who was fanning herself with one hand, her other wrapped around a giggling blonde, was wearing a skin tight white button up with the top three buttons undone, a black vest that hugged his torso perfectly and his hair was spiked into a hot mess. Blaine couldn’t see what he was wearing on bottom due to the table blocking his view, but he had no doubt it would be just as perfect. Blaine swallowed as he met the man’s eyes. _‘Not Kurt. **NOT** Kurt. Kurt wouldn’t be caught dead in here, especially dressed like that. Not. Kurt.’_ The man’s eyes were wide and a striking blue-green mix. Blaine noticed his hands fidgeting and the way he was biting his lip while taking extremely deep breaths. _‘Kurt? No. I don’t care because I won’t let him hurt me. I obviously can’t fuck him and let him go, so I’ll just let him go. I won’t let him win.’_

 “Okay, I only have one more for you guys.” The resounding moan of disappointment sent shockwaves through Blaine and he couldn’t keep the smile off his face, “Uh, so usually artists like to go out with a high energy song, but I’m going to slow it down for you guys and hopefully the next artist can bring the energy back up. Enjoy.”

 Blaine lost himself in the song again, not allowing the fact that Kurt was in the audience get into his brain and nest there. He **_really_** needed to get Kurt out of his head. He’d definitely fuck one of the guys who were checking him out and that’ll fix everything. It had been too long since his last fuck. That’s it.

 Blaine finished the song and smiled out to the crowd once more.

 “Thanks everyone!” He said with a nod and a wave before making his way off stage.

  **XXXX**  


 Blaine finished packing away his guitar and put it in the corner of the green room where his friends had left their instruments. They’d packed up quicker than Blaine and were probably already smooth talking waiting girls and drinking heavily.

 Blaine took a minute to make sure all of his instruments were together and left a note listing which ones were to be picked up by Jared’s assistant for him to pick up at the office the next day and which ones were to be left for his friends to take home with them.

 He nodded to himself, stood and turned to exit the room just as Jared came bustling in.

 “Ah! Blaine, perfect. I have someone important you **_have_** to meet.” Jared said with a wide smile and a glint in his eye.

 Blaine felt his heart speed up, “Important as in...?”

 “As in interested in signing you to their label.”

 Blaine gasped in surprise, “Wait. **_Really_**? This soon?”

 Blaine had known he was good. Great, even. Never in his wildest dreams had he hoped to be signed to a label from playing at a random bar during his first gig ever.

 Jared nodded and clapped Blaine on the shoulder, “That’s right. Now, remember that you don’t have to go with him, it’s simply an option.”

 Blaine nodded and walked next to Jared as they exited the room towards the main bar area. “What label is it?”

 “Ambition Records.”

 Blaine’s heart sunk to the floor and he stopped midstep. Ambition Records had been extremely public with their anti-gay campaigns and homophobic remarks. Blaine rolled his eyes as Jared turned to look at him with a bewildered expression when he felt Blaine’s mood change.

 “Are you **_fucking_** kidding me, Jared?”

 “What?” Jared’s arms spread in the classic bad actor confused pose.

 “Is that they only label you invited tonight?”

 Jared closed his arms across his chest and took a step towards Blaine, “You think I’m not doing my job? They’re the only one who was willing to come to this shithole bar to listen to you. I **_told_** you, we need to make a demo CD and send it to them. Ambition Records wants you. Let’s go talk to the representative and see how we feel about them.”

 Blaine felt his anger bubbling up inside of him, “ ** _No_**. I refuse to work with them. You fucking know I’m gay, why the **_fuck_** would you even **_think_** of inviting them?”

 Jared shrugged, “I thought you wanted a label.”

 “Not them.”

 Jared sighed, “Fine, Blaine. Fine. I’ll go talk to him.”

 Jared walked off without a look back, for once not trying to guilt Blaine into something. Blaine was thankful because he knew he’d feel awful for not signing if Jared pushed it, but he refused to work with a label like Ambition Records.

 Blaine took a couple of deep breaths before making his way into the main bar area, pointedly ignoring Jared and the man he was talking to. Blaine made his way to the bar and ordered a beer. Just as he turned, beer in hand, to look for a possible fuck for the night he got slammed back against the bar from someone falling into him.

 Just as Blaine was about to curse the person out for nearly spilling his beer, and probably causing bruising to his back, a scared, rushed voice stopped him.

* * *

 “Oh my god, I’m so sorry Blaine. I’m so sorry. My friend, its-she pushed me into you, I’m so sorry. She walked me over to say hi and get a drink because she sorta figured out that we know each other and oh my god she pushed me into you when I went to walk away because I really didn’t want to bother you. I’m so sorry.” Kurt rushed out looking to the ground, feeling the shakiness take over, his heart began to race and his breathing sped up to an all-time high.

 “Sorry Lady Hummel, someone had to do it.” Santana said from behind him.

 “It’s fine Kurt, thanks for saying hi.” Blaine said in a tone that was very unlike the tone he’d used every other time they’d bumped into each other.

 Kurt raised his gaze to meet Blaine’s, what he saw made him take a step back. The cold, uncaring gaze that was sent his way made his blood run cold. _‘Of course he doesn’t care. You read far too into those other times you’d seen him. And the way he looked at you from the stage. You mean nothing to him. You should have known this. It’s your own fault for putting yourself down this stupid cycle again.’_

 “Yeah, okay. Bye.” Kurt turned to run, but Santana’s firm hold caught him.

 “Calm your tits, Hummel. Brit will get us a drink while we wait for Queen Bee to grace us with her presence again.”

 Kurt tried taking a deep breath and ended up in a coughing fit. He was dragged back to their table and shoved into his stool. His vision was blurry and his entire body was shaking.

 “Alright, Princess, deep breaths and focus on something you can see. Or count your fingers or some shit.” Santana’s voice broke through his swimming mind.

 Kurt hastily grabbed one of his fingers, then another, and another. He counted both hands three times before he was calm enough to grasp his surroundings again. He looked up and saw Santana smiling at him while trying to calm a frantic looking Brittany.

 “Welcome back, I see your Hunky Hobbit wasn’t the pleaser we’d hoped. You sure that’s the guy Rachel had been ranting about all day that you were trying to fuck?”

 Kurt sputtered the sip of water he’d taken, “I’m not trying to, to, to do **_that_** with him. I thought maybe he’d be an okay friend to have. I guess I read him wrong. As usual.”

 Kurt looked across the bar and saw Blaine whispering in a guy’s ear. The guy nodded eagerly and Blaine took his hand with a smirk on his face and walked towards the entrance of the bar without so much as a look in Kurt’s direction.

  _‘I **definitely** read him wrong.’_

* * *

 As Blaine waited at the entrance to the bar for...’ _Carl? Craig? Whatever.’_ ...to tell his friend he was leaving, he caught a glimpse of Kurt seated with his friends. His head just finished falling to his chest and his shoulders were shaking. The Latina girl who’d pushed Kurt into him reached and grabbed his hand. Kurt raised his gaze and his eyes were so...hurt. There were a few tears cascading down his cheeks, but he brushed them away quickly as he looked around as though to see if anyone had noticed. He looked to the blonde and laughed at something she said before shaking his head and saying something to cause the blonde to jump up and down in her seat. He said something else that caused the Latina to slap him upside the head; surprisingly, this smack was greeted with a half-smile after a few seconds of confusion had crossed his features. His shoulders relaxed and though he was still obviously nervous and looking around himself for possible dangers, he looked the most calm that Blaine had ever seen him.

  _‘Kurt’s going to be okay. No need to think about him any longer. It’s time to think about yourself.’_

 “You ready?” Carl-Craig said beside Blaine.

 Blaine turned to look at him, ignoring the slight pull in his stomach; he nodded, holding out his arm for Carl-Craig to take.

* * *

 “Oh my god! Longest phone call, **EVER**!” Rachel said as she sat beside Kurt once again, “Plus I had to stop and take pictures and sign autographs for some people, and you know how much I love talking with my fans, so that took a while.”

 Santana rolled her eyes, “Whatever, Munchkin, you missed Sassy Unicorn’s Hunky Hobbit up on stage.”

 Rachel’s eyes widened to an almost comical size, “ ** _What_**?! Why didn’t you tell us he’s a musician Kurt?”

 Kurt shrugged, “I didn’t know. It doesn’t matter though, I tried saying hi after his set a-“

 “Thanks to me.” Santana interjected.

 Kurt rolled his eyes, “And he didn’t want to talk to me. Then he left with some guy.”

 Kurt tried to ignore the sadness and embarrassment that pulled at him as he remembered what he saw of Blaine after his set. He’d shamed himself, but at least he knew where he stood with Blaine.

 Rachel’s hand gripped Kurt’s, “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”

 “Yeah, he was even eye fucking Hummel from the stage. Fucking tease.”

 “You know, Kurt, Lord Tubbington could send his mafia to burn down his hobbit village if you’d like.” Brittany added in, causing Kurt his third smile since Blaine’s departure.

 “Thanks, Brit, but I’ll just stay away from him.”

 “Kurt, don’t you think you could at least try and stay **_friends_** with him? I mean, look how much progress you’ve made since meeting him. He could be your good luck charm!” Rachel said with a wave of her hand as though it had the magic cure-all.

 Kurt shook his head slowly, pushing back his rising panic, “No, Rach. He doesn’t want me around. It’s okay. I started making progress before meeting him, I don’t need him. I’ll be fine.”

 “But-“

 “Shut it, Berry. He’s a grown ass man. If Fuck-Me-Now-Frodo doesn’t want him, then Hummel shouldn’t torture himself to try and get his ass. He’s better than that.” Santana interjected with an air of finality.

  _‘Am I, though?’_

 “ ** _Fine_**. Let’s talk about my adoring fans, then.” Rachel said, carrying right into her story, ignoring how Kurt and Santana groaned, while Brittany danced in her chair, seemingly lost in the music of the band onstage.

 


	5. Chapter 5

As Blaine thrust into Carl-Craig, of whom he recently learned was really named Henry, he felt the last of the nagging in his stomach disappear as he brought himself closer and closer to ecstasy.

 “Mmm... ** _fuck_** , there, right **_there_**!” Henry shouted beneath Blaine as he reached for his erection and began stroking himself.

 Blaine fucked in with a renewed vigor, chasing his release as Henry came. The tightening around Blaine nearly did him in, he held out for several more thrusts, causing Henry to whimper as oversensitivity took over. Finally, Blaine got his release; his whole body gave out on him and he collapsed on top of Henry.

 “Fuck you’re good.” Henry moaned as soon as Blaine started pulling out.

 “Right back at ya,” Blaine lied with a wink.

 It had been a couple of weeks since Blaine had gotten laid, ever since that fateful day when he met Kurt. This guy was horrible in bed, but he served the purpose. Blaine felt great as he wrapped up the condom and threw it out before stepping back into his clothes. He hadn’t felt this good since meeting Kurt.

  _‘Kurt.’_ The other man’s face drifted through Blaine’s mind as he searched for his shirt. The nagging feeling came back to Blaine’s stomach. _‘I gotta eat something, that’s all. I haven’t eaten since lunch. A little one in the morning snack never hurt anyone.’_

“You’re not going to stay?” Henry asked as he pulled the sheet over himself.

 Blaine sighed, “No. It was nice meeting you.”

 With that, Blaine walked out of the apartment and towards the subway station, hoping to make it home quickly so he could fall asleep and get the hurt look that had crossed Kurt’s features out of his mind.

  **XXXX**  


 Blaine woke the following morning with mixed feelings. _‘This is not going to be a good day. Fuck.’_

 After a long shower, filled with an internal argument of the merit of going to the café again, Blaine made himself some coffee and sat down in his office with a notebook opened in front of him. It was his work notebook filled with the specifics of the two artists he had to write for. One was supposedly ‘the next big thing’ in the pop world and the other was a well-established rock artist who needed his next angst riddled song.

 Blaine closed his eyes and tried to focus on one of the emotions filling his body. He sighed as he caught hold of the nagging filling his stomach and the hollow feeling in his chest. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. He grabbed his blank music sheets and began writing the melody that was thrumming through his body. The lyrics came just as quickly.

 By the end of the song, Blaine was crying and on the edge of panic. He set his pencil down and looked over the words and notes sprawled in front of him. It was perfect for the rocker, filled with so much guilt and angst with a dash of helplessness. Blaine nodded as he transferred the music over to a much cleaner copy of fresh music sheets to turn in to Jared.

 As soon as he was done, Blaine knew he had to write the pop singer’s music immediately, if only to rid himself of the horrible feelings circling in his chest and mind.

 He closed his eyes and pushed past the negativity to find the other emotion that had been clogging his brain all morning. As soon as he located it, his body began to relax. Everything in him slunk down into a pile of happy goo. He felt happiness, comfort, curiosity, hope and something very peculiar that he hadn’t felt in **_years_**. If he didn’t know any better, he would have labelled it as love. It was impossible though as there was no one in Blaine’s life that he loved; at least, not in **_that_** way.

 He didn’t fight it, though and began working on the song. By the end, he had a dopey grin on his face, all previous negative feelings lost to the wind. If the girl picked it up, this song would be the song of the summer.

 Blaine sat back and looked at his two extremely contrasting pieces sitting before him. He’d written them both within a few hours. He couldn’t make sense of how such polar opposite emotions were running through him, especially when he couldn’t figure out the cause for a single one of them.

 He chose not to dwell on it and packed up his pieces in their file protectors to bring to Jared later in the afternoon. He’d also need to talk with Jared about the whole ‘Ambitions Records’ debacle. He needed to make sure something like that **_never_** happened again.

* * *

  _Kurt walked hand-in-hand with James towards the exit of Breadstix. James shot him a bright smile and leaned to kiss him on the cheek. Kurt blushed but allowed it, ignoring the glare of the elderly couple seated in the booth they passed._

_They smiled at the hostess who offered them a breath mint as their departure gift. They both took one and pocketed their prizes._

_As they stepped out into the warm June evening, Kurt felt James tug on his hand. He looked over and saw him nod towards the street where they could walk to the park a block away.  Kurt agreed, if only to extend the night a little longer. It was his first date and with the most unlikely of people at that._

_They made it to the park and walked to the center of the field. James turned to Kurt and wrapped his arms around his waist. The warmth of the sturdy body was even more welcoming than the warmth of the air around them. James met Kurt’s eye and darted his tongue out to wet his lips. Kurt’s eyes widened at the realization of what was about to happen. His heartbeat sped a little in anticipation._

_James leaned forward and captured Kurt’s lips in a soft kiss. He pulled back and looked Kurt in the eye._

_“You’re truly amazing, Kurt. Never hide from anyone. Let yourself shine. You were meant to be noticed. Thank you for showing me how truly amazing you are.”_

_He leaned forward again and captured Kurt’s lips. Kurt kissed back eagerly, melting into James’ embrace._

_After several minutes, they pulled apart. James stepped back and captured Kurt’s hand in his own once more. They walked a little further into the park and Kurt had a feeling that they were being watched. He looked around and caught sight of a group of people walking towards them._

_As they got closer, one of them yelled out._

_“Look here boys, James actually pulled through.” Karofsky’s unmistakable voice rattled out._

_“Go away David.” Kurt said as he stepped closer to James’ side._

_James had protected him thus far; he would surely protect him again. Karofsky’s words obviously didn’t hit home._

_“Actually bitch, we were invited here by your little boy toy.”_

_Kurt looked to James, who was staring at him with a smirk beginning to form across his lips; those soft lips that had been kissing him not five minutes prior._

_“Wh-what?”_

_Kurt tried to pull his hand from James’ grip, but James only held on tighter as he swung back with his right arm before slinging it forward to connect with Kurt’s-_

 Kurt woke with a start, drenched in sweat and shaking. He closed his eyes and focused on calming his breathing. Once his breathing had calmed somewhat, Kurt opened his eyes and looked around. He was in his bed in New York. He was safe. His clock read 4:18 am, but he knew he wouldn’t catch any more sleep.

 The dreamt memory of the last night he’d truly let his guard down rattled him to his core. He hadn’t dreamt of it in years, not since he moved to New York; not since escaping the town filled with memories and ghosts and those who knew what happened that shot him either looks of disgust or sympathetic words.

 Kurt tried to think of why the dream had come back. Immediately the face of Blaine popped into his mind. The polar difference between the Blaine he’d met and the Blaine at the bar the night before was striking. The Blaine he’d met was someone Kurt could easily imagine getting past his barriers. He’d already had gotten a foot in if Kurt was honest with himself and it scared the shit out of him. The Blaine at the bar was someone that Kurt knew to stay far away from; he was someone not to be trusted. The Blaine at the bar was part of the Blaine he’d met, obviously, or else he wouldn’t have acted that way.

 Disappointment filled Kurt as the realization that he’d been **_so_** wrong about someone again filled him. He’d realized it upon watching Blaine walk out with another man, smirk and all, but there had still been hope that he’d be able to convince himself otherwise. Unfortunately, that hope was in vain.

 Kurt got out of bed and put on his robe, walking to the kitchen to make a mug of warm milk.

 As he waited for the milk to warm, Kurt made a renewed vow to himself not to let Blaine anywhere near him. He was just a newer, prettier version of James. Kurt was going back to his ways of being unnoticed and never letting anyone see who he truly was. He wouldn’t let himself get beaten down again, physically or figuratively.

* * *

 Blaine sat in his usual booth at the diner staring out the window. His untouched notebook laid open in front of him and his long empty coffee mug was twirling in his hands.

 For some reason, Blaine couldn’t get his mind to focus. The past month since his first gig had been brutal. He played shows every weekend and recorded a demo CD but had yet to hear back about it; not surprising considering it had only been out to the labels a week, but it was still unnerving. What bothered Blaine the most was that his brain couldn’t focus on...anything, really. He couldn’t figure out why, but he needed to quickly because he had a client that needed a song by the end of the week.

 “He hasn’t been back.” Lily said as she wrestled Blaine’s mug out of his grasp to refill.

 Blaine looked to her in confusion, “Huh?”

 “The guy you kept shooting heart-eyes at. Kent or something, right? He hasn’t been back since that day. You must have really scared him off. He ran out like a bat outta hell and hasn’t been back since.”

 Blaine’s heart thudded in his chest for some inexplicable reason, “You mean Kurt?”

 Lily’s eyes lit up, “ ** _Yes_**! That’s him! What’d you do to him anyway?”

 Blaine shook his head, “I didn’t d-“

 His sentence was cut off by his phone ringing from his pocket. He groaned as the tune of ‘Report To The Floor’ blared loud for all to hear. He’d forgotten to silence his phone that morning and apparently Cooper had decided to change his ringtone **_again_** on his last visit. Lily laughed and walked away to fill his mug.

 “Did you **_seriously_** choose ‘Report To The Floor’ as your ringtone? I thought I talked to you about this, Coop. You don’t get a special ringtone, just the generic one with everyone else.”

 “Hello to you too, Squirt.”

 “Don’t call me that.” Blaine mumbled.

 “It took you **_this_** long to notice that?”

 “My phone’s usually on silent.”

 “Ah, well, it was between that or ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy’, but I figured this was more of an awesome gay anthem of how only sexy people are allowed to party and since **_I’m_** sexy it was an easy choice. If you’re a hater, hater, hater, hater please go home.”

 Blaine rolled his eyes at Cooper’s reference to the song and the slightly offensive reason as to why he chose it, “Yeah but you aren’t gay.”

 “You are, though, and it’s your phone. Like I said, perfect.”

 “Is there a point to this call?” Blaine snapped, ignoring Lily’s shocked eyes as she set down his fresh coffee. She’d never seen him snap at anyone before, only exhausted after fights or in early mornings.

 “Blainey, that’s no way to talk to your brother.” Cooper chided jokingly on the other side of the call.

 “I’m hanging up.”

 “ **NO NO  NO**! Wait!”

 “ ** _What_**?” Blaine snapped.

 “I was going to invite you to my premiere in New York next weekend, maybe spend the day together before I head out to London, but not if you’re going to have an attitude like that.”

 Blaine sighed and rubbed his forehead with his free hand, “Look, Coop. I’m sorry. I’m just...I don’t know. I’ve been in a rut recently and I can’t figure out why.”

 “Boy troubles?”

 Blaine snorted. It didn’t matter that he was a 28 year old man, Cooper would always refer to his relationship woes as ‘ ** _boy_** troubles’.

 “No Coop. Still no one to speak of.”

 Cooper sighed, “You’ve got to move on at some point. Let someone in, Squirt. You’re a good guy, let someone be good for you.”

 “I let someone be good for me every weekend after my shows, thank you very much.” Blaine retorted.

 Cooper snorted, “Not what I meant.”

 Blaine sighed, “I know, Coop.”

 “So **_really,_** no one has caught your eye?”

 Kurt’s face immediately popped into Blaine’s mind. _‘It’s because Lily brought him up. Plus you were a dick to him. You fucked up. He could have been good for you and you fucked it up.’_

 “Squirt?”

 Blaine cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, “Really, Coop. By the way, I’d love to go to your premiere if I’m still invited?”

 They settled into an easy conversation after that, making plans for Cooper’s arrival the following weekend and talking about all of Blaine’s new work adventures, including Cooper’s disapproval that he’d caved again and was still writing for clients when he could be using those songs for his own gold. They talked for nearly an hour before Cooper had to go to hair and makeup. When they hung up, Blaine had a smile on his face. As much as Cooper drove him nuts, he was still an amazing brother.

 Blaine turned his attention to his notebook where he’d been doodling throughout his conversation and saw only one word, which was written so hard and dark it bled into the following page. Clearly he’d been going over it several times as he spoke. The single word, Kurt, stared up at him.

 Why did this guy get into his heart so easily? Blaine sighed as realization hit him. He could picture himself getting close with Kurt, fully letting him into his heart, allowing him to know Blaine and love him back. He could be the one to break all of Blaine’s rules and protective barriers.

 He’d fucked up his chances at his first gig when Kurt literally bumped into him. He’d ignored the pull in his stomach and heart that night and shut himself down. He pushed Kurt away, but there had to be a way to fix it. There had to be.

 Was it worth it, though?

 The answer screamed in his mind, _‘YES!’_

* * *

 Kurt gathered his bag from his locker and snapped it shut. He trained his eyes on the ground and walked briskly towards the front entrance of the store. He stopped to get his schedule for the following week from Seth before heading out the front door.

 He turned in the direction needed to head home when a hand gently touched his shoulder. He jumped back and turned around, arms up in defense. His eyes met honey-hazel and immediately Kurt dropped his arms, but his body was still stiff in defense mode. He took a step back so his back was against the wall of the store, protecting himself from others around him.

 “Kurt? I’m sorry, I tried calling out to you but...well you didn’t respond.”

 Kurt took a deep breath, “I-it’s fine, Blaine. I didn’t hear you.”

 Blaine smiled softly, “Well, I just...I wanted to apologize for how I treated you at the bar. It wasn’t very nice and you’re a good guy and you didn’t deserve that.”

 Kurt nodded, “Thanks. But...it was over a month ago. I’m fine.”

 “Okay. I just wanted you to know...” Blaine trailed off, biting his lip and looking at Kurt as though he wasn’t sure whether or not to say more.

 “What is it?” Kurt asked, his curiosity beating out the voice ringing in his head to walk away.

 Blaine sighed, “I have these...barriers. I haven’t had the best life and I built up walls to protect myself in any and every aspect I can, especially when it comes to social or...romantic interests.”

 Kurt’s eyes widened at the word ‘romantic’, “Uh, Blaine, okay, I have to-“

 “Wait, wait, wait.” Blaine’s voice was desperate and his hand was reached out towards Kurt’s arm, but not touching, as though he realized touching Kurt would only make him run away quicker, “I meant- ** _fuck_** \- I meant that I really enjoyed the little time we spent together. I’m **_so_** sorry for what I did at the bar. It was uncalled for. I guess my inner demons were screaming at me to push you away quickly before I allowed you to get close to me. Kurt, I’d really like to start over, get to know you. Be **_friends_**. If...if something more comes of it, so be it, but...I’d really just like to know you. And...and let you know me.”

 Kurt felt his hands beginning to shake and his heartbeat speeding slightly, “Blaine...I don’t know. I have,” Kurt swallowed as the image of James ripped across his mind, “I have my own...d-demons. There’s a reason I don’t...I just can’t, Blaine. I’m sorry.” He choked on the last word as disappointment flashed on Blaine’s face.

 Blaine nodded, “Okay, how about this? I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait until you’re ready to be friends. If that’s never, well, it’s never. I hope not though. I’ll be here if you ever change your mind. I’m usually in the diner; you know the one we sat in before?” Kurt nodded, “Okay, I wasn’t kidding before when I said I go there often; almost every day, in fact. So...I would offer my phone number but that might be too much, so just know I’m usually in the diner every morning.”

 Kurt took a deep breath, “I thought you only went for ‘you time’?”

 Kurt’s eyes widened at his statement. He definitely hadn’t meant to say that out loud. _‘You sound like a creepy stalker who hangs on his every word. He doesn’t know you have an excellent memory. He’s going to call the cops and have you arrested. He’s going to-‘_

 Blaine’s chuckle broke through Kurt’s thoughts, “You remembered? Yeah, well I need ‘me time’ every day. Well, except when I get called in for a meeting or something.” Blaine shrugged, “Maybe I’ll see you there sometime.”

 Blaine smiled once more at Kurt and Kurt felt his insides churn as the combination of fear and happiness spread within. He feared how easily Blaine made him relax and forget his promises to himself, but he couldn’t help the happiness when Blaine directed a smile at him. It was all so **_damn_** confusing.

 “Maybe.” Kurt said before turning on his heel and walking away as fast as he could, not caring that he shouldered about twenty people before making it to his subway station.

 As Kurt stood, holding the handrail on the subway, he felt his heart lighten at the memory of the conversation he’d just had with Blaine. Maybe he hadn’t been **_all_** wrong about Blaine. He wouldn’t know until he got to know him. Kurt tried to stomp down the hope and happiness that began to bubble within his chest. He couldn’t afford such feelings. Even if those feelings really did feel amazing.


	6. Chapter 6

“Oh **_please_** Kurt! He could be good for you! I mean he’s even gotten you to **_consider_** making a new friend in him. And he’s **_so_** good looking from that awful photo Santana showed me from that night at the bar! I can’t even imagine how he must look in the flesh! But seriously, what could one measly coffee do? If he turns out to be the asshole from the bar then at least you know, but if he’s the sweetheart from before...” Rachel trailed off suggestively; Kurt could practically hear her eyebrows shrugging at him through the phone.

 Kurt sighed, “I just...what if he **_is_** the asshole? I can’t go through that again. I’ve already been disappointed with him and I’m already nervous enough with how easily I slip into... ** _me_** with him.”

 “So take it slow. Meet for coffee and steer the conversation to him and his life.”

 “Yeah but that’s the problem, from what it sounds like he’s as reluctant as me to show off his personal side.”

 “Then it’ll be a quiet coffee. Just **_go_** Kurt. If he took the step to admit he’s as...reserved as you, I have a feeling he’s not going to be the asshole.”

 Kurt wiped a hand over his face, “And if he is?”

 “He won’t be.”

 “But if he is?”

 Rachel sighed, “I’ll have tons of take-out and chocolate at the ready.”

 Kurt bit his lip and tried to calm his racing heart as he made his decision, “Fine.” He held the phone away from his ear as Rachel squealed, “I’ll go on Monday. Fresh week, fresh start.”

 “I expect a full report!”

 “I wouldn’t expect anything less of you.” Kurt sighed and sat back into his couch, “What have you got planned for the weekend? Do you want to come over tomorrow night and watch a movie or something?”

 Rachel hummed as she rustled papers around, Kurt presumed she was looking through her planner that she always kept on her with her busy schedule penned inside, “Oh, I can’t, Richard wants me to go to some film premiere to promote the musical and ‘keep my face fresh in people’s minds’.”

 Kurt laughed as she imitated Richard, her manager, spot on, “Ah, well that sounds...fun?”

 Rachel laughed, “It should be alright. It’s the new Cooper Anderson film. He’s **_so_** gorgeous! Apparently he’s coming to the premiere!”

 “Well I should hope so. New York premieres are as big as the LA ones, right?”

 Rachel hummed the affirmative, “ **OH MY GOD**! You should come as my date! Oh **_Kurt_** it’s just like we used to dream about! Only...you’re not designing my dress, but **_please_**!”

 Kurt sat up abruptly in his seat, “No, Rachel. I already promised to come to your show and the VIP after party, that’ll be enough crowd and celebrity interaction for me, thank you very much.”

 “ ** _Kuuuurt_**!” Rachel whined.

 Kurt felt his chest tightening at the thought of all of the people that would be surrounding the premiere, as well as Rachel’s show, his breathing was coming in short and his hands began shaking.

 “Rach-“

 “Breathe, Kurt. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just really wanted you to be my date so I wouldn’t have to go stag. I get it though. I’m sorry, sweetie.”

 Kurt closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. Once he’d calmed down he mentally patted himself on the back for not falling all the way into panic mode.

 “It’s fine Rachel. I’m sorry I freaked, I just got thinking about the crowds and-“

 “Say no more. I’m sorry I brought it up, I just love you and wanted to have a date night with my best gay.”

 Kurt chuckled, “Well, we will just have to have a different date night that isn’t surrounded by hundreds of people.”

 “Even if one of those people is the sexiest man alive.” Rachel sighed dreamily into the phone.

 “Hmm, third sexiest if I remember right.” Kurt countered, laughing outright as Rachel began her tangent at how ‘Cooper Anderson is **_way_** hotter than any of those other guys; the **_outrage_**!’ It was a familiar tangent and Kurt was glad to let her own it.

 He let his mind drift to a still scary, though less than the thought of hundreds of people screaming around him, topic. He thought of what he could possibly say to Blaine when he went to the diner on Monday.

* * *

 “Oh come on Blainey! I could get you **_so much_** publicity! This is going to be **_awesome_**!” Cooper babbled from his seat next to Blaine in the limousine.

 “Fuck off,” Blaine mumbled as he pushed his brother’s finger out of his face and shook his head, “For the last time, Coop, I’m **_not_** interviewing with you! And you’re not to say **_anything_** about me, got it?”

 “Why not?!” Cooper demanded with a frown, “Can’t I be proud of my baby brother?”

 “Yes, but not publicly,” Blaine sighed, “I’m a **_ghost writer_** , meaning I can never have any credit. And I don’t want you pushing my music either; I don’t need to sell to millions of screaming teenage girls who only come to my shows hoping to catch a glimpse of **_you_**.”

 Cooper slapped Blaine’s arm, earning another glare from Blaine, “Come on, Squirt, you know I have the housewife market also clawing to get a piece of me!”

 Blaine rolled his eyes, “ ** _No_** Coop. I’m just here to spend some time with you because I miss you, not to publicize myself.”

 “Whatever you say, Squirt.” Cooper said with a glint in his eye that Blaine didn’t trust.

 “Don’t call me that,“ Blaine mumbled as the car came to a stop.

 The door opened and Cooper shot Blaine a wink before stepping out to a swell of screams. Blaine rolled his eyes again and stepped out behind his brother, walking next to Cooper’s publicist, Nancy, as they walked to get Cooper’s picture taken by the photographers lining the red carpet.

 Blaine couldn’t help but smile as Cooper joked with the photographers and smiled his winning grin for the cameras. He was proud of all that Cooper had accomplished, even if he had a big head about it. As Cooper stepped over to give the next set of photographers a good shot, a body slammed into Blaine.

 “ ** _Oomph_** , I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” A woman’s voice said as a small hand wrapped around Blaine’s forearm.

 Blaine turned and was shocked to be nose to nose with Rachel Berry. She was playing the lead in the musical he’d ghost wrote for and he’d been looking forward to her bringing it to life, she was very talented.

 “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. You?”

 Rachel seemed to study him for a moment and Blaine had to hold back from rolling his eyes, _‘Not your team, honey.’_ Her eyes widened a bit and her grip on his arm tightened a bit. She looked as though she were about to jump up and down in excitement as some sort of realization came over her face.

 “I’m fine. My name’s Rachel, by the way.” She let go of his arm to reach her hand out for him to shake.

 Blaine’s gentlemanly manners came into play as he shook her hand, “I’m Blaine.”

 A small gasp escaped her lips and she opened her mouth to say something more as Nancy pulled on Blaine’s bicep on his opposite side.

 “Cooper’s ready for us to move. Gotta go do interviews.” She said in her rushed, formal voice that was used for events. In real life she was really fun but at events she was the most professional person in a room if she has anything to say about it.

 Blaine nodded, “Right, well it was nice to meet you Rachel.”

 She closed her mouth and shot him a small smile, “You too Blaine, enjoy your evening.”

 Blaine couldn’t shake the feeling that Rachel somehow **_knew_** him. He shook his head as they headed toward where Cooper was talking with an interviewer. Blaine rolled his eyes as he caught the interviewer’s question of who was accompanying Cooper, obviously fishing for some juicy gossip of which ‘leading lady’ had caught Cooper’s eye.

 “My baby brother! He’s a musician, you know! He’s...” Cooper turned around in search of Blaine, their eyes met and Blaine shot him a glare **_daring_** him to point him out, “Right there! Hi Blainey!” Cooper exclaimed with a large wave.

 Blaine groaned but waved back with a polite smile on his features, his mind already searching for ways to get back at his brother.

* * *

 “Yeah, dad, I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it out for your birthday. Maybe if you and Carole want to come out here you can see Rachel in her show. I’m sure Rach can score some tickets for you guys.”

 Burt sighed, “I know kid- ** _beep_** I just really wan- ** _beep_** to see you.”

 “Uh, huh, sorry dad, hang on someone’s calling in.” Kurt flicked his phone looked at his caller id, seeing Rachel’s name he ignored it, knowing she’s at the premiere and probably just wants to gush that she got to meet Cooper Anderson or something. “Sorry it was just Rachel. I wanted to see you too, but I just...my work schedule has been hectic.”

 Burt sighed into the phone again, “Yeah and th- ** _beep_** -ct that this pla- ** _beep_** doesn’t,” _‘For God’s sake Rachel! Give it up!’_ “hold **_beep_** best memories, ri- ** _beep_**.”

 Kurt bit his lip, “Yeah, but I love you and want to see you and Carole. You guys should come visit soon.”

 “Yeah may- ** _beep_** ,” Burt replied.

 “Okay, dad. I gotta go, Rachel keeps calling in, but let’s talk about this again soon.” Kurt said, feeling the sadness that always comes when he has to end the conversation with his father.

 “Okay kiddo. Love you.”

 Kurt smiled, “Love you too. Bye.”

 Kurt hung up and his phone immediately began ringing again, “For fucks sake Rachel! Calm down! I was on the phone with my dad.”

 “Oh my god, sorry but this is **_so_** worth it!” Rachel’s not-so-hushed excited voice rang out, obviously trying to be sneaky but Kurt had a feeling that she was failing miserably.

 “Hmm, let me guess, you **_finally_** met Cooper Anderson?”

 “Well...that too. But guess who’s here!”

 “More important than the third sexiest man alive?” Kurt teased.

 “Kurt. This is no time for games! I only have a few minutes before the film starts and I have to be in my seat, which I will have you know is only-“

 “Didn’t you say you’re pushed for time?” Kurt interrupted with a smile, knowing Rachel was giving him the look that she always gave when he interrupted her.

 “Blaine.”

 Confusion pulled within Kurt, “Blaine? Like...the guy I’m supposed to try and be friends with?”

 Rachel hummed the affirmative, “And guess who he’s here with!”

 “Who?”

 “The. Cooper. Anderson!” Rachel squealed out loud.

 Kurt sat up, his brows furrowing on his forehead as he tried to make sense of what Rachel was saying, “You mean Cooper Anderson’s gay?”

 “I have no idea. Maybe. He’s never confirmed either way.”

 Kurt began chewing on his lip at the thought of Blaine spending a fabulous evening amongst movie stars before heading out to have coffee with measly old Kurt in the morning. His heart dropped at the realization that Blaine could potentially be... ** _seeing_** Cooper Anderson. He couldn’t understand why he felt such a strong reaction, it didn’t matter what Blaine did. He was an adult and was welcome to sleep with whoever he wanted.

 “Oh.”

 “Did you watch the livestream link for the red carpet interviews I sent you?! Maybe he said something about his **_date_**! Plus you could see **_my_** interview, of course!” Rachel said and Kurt could practically hear her shaking in anticipation of whatever gossip Kurt could give her.

 Kurt grimaced guiltily, “Uh, no. I was talking to my dad.”

  _‘No need to tell her that **I** called **him**.’_

 “Oh, well, fine. But they’re **_adorable_**! Plus now you can both talk about how hot he is when you get coffee tomorrow! Oh and you won’t have to worry about him making a pass at you! Everything’s coming together perfectly Kurt! I have to go, but **_oh my god_**!” Rachel squealed once again as she hung up the phone.

 Kurt tried to stomp down the feelings gripping his insides. He would **_almost_** pinpoint them as jealousy, but he really had nothing to be jealous about. Blaine wasn’t ever going to be more than a friend; Kurt could barely handle **_that_** level of commitment. He certainly wasn’t going to sleep with Blaine, he was still a virgin and Blaine already had a track record that Kurt knew about, let alone one that he didn’t know about, Kurt would only be a letdown. No, Kurt had nothing to be jealous over, he simply felt awkward knowing that he’d be going to coffee in the morning knowing Blaine had sex the night before. He’d get over it. He’d had 26 years of awkward days; he could get through another one.

* * *

 Blaine jumped as Lily slammed his coffee mug down on the table the next morning.

 “Why is it that I find out through a **_livestream_** that your brother is Cooper ‘Sexgod’ Anderson?!” She demanded.

 Blaine bit his lip to hide his laughter, “Um, because my brother is not a sex god?”

 Lily crossed her arms over her chest and shot him a glare, “I saw you Blaine. Don’t try and play it off. You were at the premiere last night with **_Cooper Anderson_**!”

 Blaine laughed, “Ah, yes, my brother is Cooper Anderson, but he is certainly no sex god. He’s just an actor by profession, but my brother more than anything. I didn’t think it was important.” He shrugged.

 Lily gaped at him as the bell over the door rang again, “You didn’t think it was important to tell me that the third sexiest man alive is-“

 A throat cleared behind Lily and Blaine saw a familiar head of hair, “Kurt?” He had to resist shooting up out of his seat to greet the man.

 “H-hi Blaine. Do you mind if I sit here?” Kurt asked shyly.

 Lily spun around, “Oh, hello there! I remember you! Can I get you some coffee?”

 Kurt nodded and offered a small smile to her as he set his messenger bag down on the bench opposite of Blaine. As Lily turned her back on Kurt to head to the coffee station she gave Blaine a thumbs up and a wink; he had to resist rolling his eyes.

 “Hey, I, uh, I’m glad to see you.” Blaine said, looking into Kurt’s tired and nervous eyes.

 “Y-yeah, I thought maybe I’d grab some coffee out today and, well, here I am. If that’s okay?” Kurt shifted in his seat, looking down to the table in front of him.

 “Of course.”

 The duo was silent as Lily set down a mug of fresh coffee in front of Kurt. After a few minutes Kurt looked up to meet Blaine’s gaze again. He looked like he wanted to bolt but was trying to push it down. Blaine decided to speak up and make conversation; that **_is_** how friendships are started after all.

 “So, how was your weekend?”

 Kurt took a sip of his coffee, “Um, fine. I just sort of hung out at home. I talked a lot with my dad and a friend on the phone. I, um, got the n-new Lady Gaga album so I listened to that.”

 Blaine mentally fist pumped at getting some sort of personal information out of Kurt. _‘He likes Gaga. Perfect! File it away!’_ “That’s awesome; I’ve heard the album is really good. I’m more of a Katy Perry fan, myself. I miss her.”

 Kurt nodded, “I liked her as well. I wonder why she stopped making music.”

 Blaine shrugged and they fell into silence once more. It was almost painfully awkward, but finally Kurt spoke up again.

 “How was **_your_** weekend?”

 “Great, actually, thanks. I had a gig on Saturday and I went to a film premiere yesterday.” Kurt seemed to shrink in on himself at the mention of the premiere, “Are you okay?”

 Kurt’s eyes widened, “Uh, yeah. Totally. How was the film? What was it for?”

 “It’s called ‘Love’s Last Shot’, my brother is in it so he invited me to the premiere while he was in town. We don’t get to see each other a lot. It was alright, but it was **_definitely_** awkward to watch my brother try and have sex on a big screen; albeit **_movie sex_** ,but still. It was good though if you’re into ridiculously romantic type films.” Blaine shrugged.

 Kurt nodded slowly, his eyes narrowing slightly in thought, “Who’s your brother?”

 Blaine laughed a little, _‘Apparently not **everyone** watches when Cooper Anderson is involved. I think Kurt is my new favorite person.’_ “Cooper Anderson? He’s-“

 “The third sexiest man alive. Oh believe me, I know.” Kurt said, but Blaine got the feeling it wasn’t because **_he_** thought Cooper was sexy.

 “Oh yeah?” Blaine prompted curiously.

 Kurt snorted, “My best friend is like obsessed with him. She has a tangent strictly dedicated to how he should have been **_the_** sexiest man alive.”

 Blaine laughed, “And what do **_you_** think?” The question slipped out before Blaine realized what he’d said. He immediately regretted it for two reasons; he feared Kurt agreeing with his friend and he feared he’d crossed the invisible line of sharing.

 Kurt silenced immediately causing Blaine to panic even more. He watched as Kurt took several deep breaths.

 “Kurt, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to presume an-“

 “Not my type. And it’s okay, you’re right.” The near silent answer came, cutting off Blaine’s apology.

 Blaine nodded his understanding, “Well, speaking of movies, have you seen any good ones recently? I’ve been in a film rut and could go for some **_good_** entertainment.”

* * *

 Kurt slowly made his way to the diner on Wednesday morning. His morning on Monday with Blaine had gone well, all things considered. They talked about some films they both enjoyed as well as some more of their favorite music choices. Blaine talked a bit about his brother and the fact that Blaine always laughed when he heard his brother described as ‘sexy’, whereas he knew that if anyone knew the **_real_** Cooper Anderson they might not find him as sexy. Not that anything was wrong with him; he simply wasn’t as perfect as people thought. Kurt didn’t share about his family when Blaine asked whether or not Kurt had siblings, he’d simply asked about Blaine’s aspirations as a musician. He wasn’t ready to talk about that sort of thing with Blaine yet, or ever.

 Kurt didn’t return on Tuesday because he was downright afraid of talking more with Blaine. He was scared about how wonderful he felt when he walked away; he was mostly scared that it wouldn’t last. Upon waking on Wednesday, he knew he should try again. Blaine had been nothing but sweet their whole time together and while Kurt was scared, he really did enjoy their time together. It was time to take the next step towards friendship.

  **XXXX**  


 Kurt couldn’t keep the grin off his face as Blaine spoke about his old high school friends. They’d been happy to realize that they both grew up in Ohio and probably competed against each other in show choir tournaments. Blaine was two years older than Kurt, but they had probably competed for a couple years. Kurt had been reluctant to divulge such information, but he was certainly glad he did. Their commonalities only made Kurt feel more comfortable, and for once he wasn’t all that scared of his comfort.

 Kurt checked his phone for the time and sighed when he realized he needed to head to work. His heart began to speed up and he took a deep breath to try and calm his nerves.

 “Um, I need to get going. Work.”

 Blaine’s smile faded slightly as he nodded, “Okay, well, I hope to see you again soon, Kurt.”

 Kurt fingered his phone and nodded, “Well, um, maybe we could exchange numbers? Just to...talk. I mean we don’t have to if you-“

 He was cut off as an iPhone was slid into his hand that was flailing around nervously. Kurt bit his lip and slid his own phone across the table before typing his number into Blaine’s contact list. He’d considered putting his whole name, but didn’t want to hand out his last name yet. It was too much too soon for Kurt to divulge. They exchanged again, earning their own phones back, before Kurt stood.

 “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you around.”

 “I’ll talk to you soon.” Blaine said and Kurt tried to ignore his heart as he nearly ran for the subway station.

  **XXXX**  


 Two days later Kurt’s phone dinged on his bathroom counter as he finished pulling on his shirt. He looked at it and his heart began racing at Blaine’s name lighting up the display. Kurt opened the message with a shaky finger.

  ** _FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: Hey Kurt I don’t know if you’re planning on going to the diner but I can’t make it, I have a meeting. Just so you don’t think I’m ditching you or something. ;)_**

Kurt bit his lip as he reread the message. He **_had_** been planning on going to see Blaine, but that wasn’t possible. Maybe he could meet with Rachel before her rehearsal instead. He decided to acknowledge Blaine’s message before contacting her, knowing she’d keep him on the phone for a while, especially since she knew he didn’t have work to go to since Seth decided to give him Fridays off that month.

**_ TO BLAINE ANDERSON: Okay. Thanks for letting me know. Good luck at your meeting. _ **

Just as Kurt was about to hit the call button next to Rachel’s name, another text came through.

  ** _FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: Thanks! :) Have a good day!_**

Kurt smiled as he closed out of his messages, choosing to go for a run instead of calling Rachel. He needed to get rid of some energy if the floating in his stomach had anything to say.

**XXXX**

 Several hours later, Kurt was seated on Rachel’s couch listening to her babble on and on about how her costume fitting took **_forever_** and how they couldn’t rehearse because the director got angry with someone and called them done for the day. He was trying really hard to stay interested, but there was only so much Rachel could say about the same subject before Kurt accidently tuned her out. Suddenly, a saving grace came in the form of Kurt’s cell phone. He plucked it out of his pocket with an apologetic smile in Rachel’s direction.

  ** _FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: Hey, I’m playing a gig tonight if you’d like to come? I’ll be on around 10 and it’s at a bar called Jupiter. Would you be interested in coming? Maybe we can grab a drink after I’m done and talk since we couldn’t this morning?_**

 Kurt bit his lip as his brain went into war. He had missed talking with Blaine that morning, but the last time he saw Blaine at a bar or performing he’d been a complete asshole.

 “You should go.” Rachel said, suddenly a lot closer than she was moments before.

 Kurt blinked at her, “What?”

 Rachel shrugged and put a hand on his knee, “You should go. It’s like the ultimate test, right? He was a jerk before so if he is again tonight, then you’ll know.”

 Kurt nodded slowly, “Will you come with me?”

 Rachel smiled at him, “Nah, this is something you have to do for yourself. I know you hate crowds but just stay near the back or something.”

  _‘Oh! Right. The crowds. Shit. I can’t do this.’_

 “Rach...I can’t.”

 “Well, tell him. He deserves to know whether or not you’re going.”

 Kurt nodded as he picked up his phone once again. Just before he hit send something stopped him. _‘Maybe I’ll work up the courage later...maybe I should go. What if he’s an ass? What if he leaves with another guy again and I have to watch him go? So. He’s a grown man. But...maybe he’ll be okay tonight, right? Can’t we just stay coffee friends?’_

* * *

  ** _FROM KURT: I’m with a friend right now, I’m not sure I can make it but I’ll try._**

 Blaine reread the last message Kurt had sent him. It was from a few hours prior and Blaine had asked him to let him know if he ended up coming so they could meet up after his set, but since then no reply had come.

 Blaine pocketed his phone as his name was announced and he plastered on his smile and walked onstage. He stepped up to the microphone and greeted the crowd, looking at as many faces as he could, hoping to find the one face he’d been wanting to be there. He tried to stomp down his disappointment when he came up short.

 “Alright, let’s get this party started, yeah?” Blaine said before slamming the first note on his guitar, earning screams from the crowd within the bar.


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt found himself seated at a table at the very back of the bar. Lucky for him, just as Blaine took the stage the couple that had occupied this table decided to go stand near the stage to see better. All of the other tables were occupied and Kurt could feel several people glaring at him for being a single person at the table. Granted, it was a small table, but it didn’t frustrate the other patrons any less. The feeling of unease and beginnings of panic were bubbling within Kurt as more and more people began looking at him, waiting for him to get up so they could swoop in.

 He’d long ago finished the sprite he’d ordered, having paid cash so as not to worry about closing out if he ended up needing to run. Blaine had been playing for almost an hour and Kurt couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips, even through the panic. Blaine was **_very_** talented. It was shocking to Kurt that no one had signed him to a label yet.

 Kurt watched as Blaine’s eyes swept the crowd while he sang. He lingered on a few different people, but kept singing his heart out. It amazed him that Blaine didn’t get distracted with so many people watching him.

 “Excuse me?” A voice near Kurt’s ear made him jump back and nearly fall from his chair.

 Kurt looked up and saw a man around 30 years old standing next to him, bending over to speak so Kurt could hear.

 “Y-yes?” Kurt knew the man couldn’t hear his response when he could only get out a gasp, but he figured the man would be smart enough to read his mouth.

 “Dude, can I grab this chair? My friends are at the next table over but don’t have enough chairs for my girl to sit.” The man said gesturing to the chair next to Kurt.

 Kurt swallowed as he felt several of the man’s friends looking in his direction. He nodded shakily as his heart rate sped up and his hands began to shake even worse than before. The man nodded his thanks and took the chair from Kurt’s table. Kurt closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

 “Alright guys, I’m done,” several ‘aaaawwww’s’ met Blaine’s declaration, Kurt opened his eyes to watch where Blaine went so he could say hello, “Thanks for the support, I’m sure I’ll see you around. I play gigs all over the place, so just keep an ear out.”

 Blaine wove to the crowd and disappeared backstage. Kurt kept his eyes trained on the door that he’d realized led backstage and sure enough several minutes later, Blaine emerged. Kurt was about to stand when he saw Blaine smirk and beeline for someone standing on the fringe of the crowd near the stage. Kurt decided to stay seated and observe Blaine for a few moments and wait for him to be alone to go say hi.

 He waited and watched as Blaine and this man walked to the bar and ordered a drink. They scooted their stools close and talked in close proximity to one another. Kurt saw Blaine wink at the man as he said something, effectively causing the other man to blush and shrug before allowing his eyes to rake Blaine’s body. Blaine took that moment to turn and face him better, his legs splaying a bit and his face pulled into an expression that screamed sex.

 Kurt felt extremely uncomfortable watching the interaction and realized that Blaine probably wouldn’t be found alone for the rest of the night. It dawned on Kurt that he had two options, go say hello to Blaine and tell him he did a good job and leave, or leave without saying anything and not inform him of his presence, as Blaine obviously hadn’t seen him in the back of the bar from the stage.

 He finally settled on the fact that he’d already pushed himself this far and should go say hi so Blaine knew he’d come to support his friend, rather than completely standing him up. Kurt stood from the table, only to be almost run over by several people hoping to replace him. He stepped aside and took a few deep breaths to try and calm his racing heart at the random people’s close proximity.

 Once he’d gotten his bearings back, he looked to Blaine and saw that he’d put his hand on the other man’s thigh and was leaned forward, whispering in his ear. Kurt had another debate with himself about whether or not it was worth it, but decided it was. As Kurt walked over, Blaine leaned back but kept his hand on the man’s thigh, the man said something and it made Blaine smile, smirk really.

 Kurt took another step and realized he was close enough to hear Blaine’s response to an unknown question or statement.

 “Oh, don’t worry. I always look for a great fuck after a show. Sometimes I strike out, but **_sometimes_** , I find someone worth getting a drink and spending my night with. Let me grab us another drink.” Blaine said before turning to grab the bartender’s attention.

 Kurt felt his ears explode. _‘Is that why he asked me here? To sleep with me? How could I have been so stupid?’_

 Suddenly Kurt felt eyes on him, he came back to the present and saw the man Blaine had been flirting with staring at him with a bitch glare that high school version of Kurt would have envied, current version of Kurt shrunk away.

 “Can we help you?” The man asked bitchily to Kurt.

 Blaine turned in apparent wonder as to who the guy was talking to. Their gazes locked and Kurt watched as Blaine’s eyes widened.

 “ ** _Kurt_**?!” Blaine asked, his tone incredulous with a slight twinge of... ** _something_** and Kurt immediately realized he was not welcome near Blaine and that he shouldn’t have come over to say hi.

 The panic he’d been holding at bay came bursting out all at once and he turned and ran as far away from Blaine Anderson as he possibly could.

* * *

 Blaine ran after Kurt, not caring that he was leaving behind an impossibly beautiful man who’d been more than willing to put out. When he’d turned to see who the guy was talking to Kurt was the last person he’d expected to see. He’d been so disappointed that his friend hadn’t shown up. He knew that Kurt had already said he probably wouldn’t be able to make it, but that didn’t hurt him any less. Seeing Kurt standing there, hoping to talk to Blaine filled him with hope that they could help each other and become true friends. He knew it’d been a stretch asking Kurt to come, but Kurt had braved the crowds to support him.

 It had been clear that his surprised had shown on his face the second he’d said Kurt’s name. Kurt’s entire body shrunk in on itself and he turned and ran out of the bar faster than Blaine figured was actually possible in a place as crowded as it was.

 Once on the street, he caught sight of Kurt rounding the corner towards the subway station. Blaine knew Kurt was probably heading home, but also knew he had to fix the damage he’d just caused on their friendship. He ran in the same direction, suddenly glad for the time he’d been spending in the gym. He rounded the corner and kept running, halfway down the block he spotted someone huddled in a ball on the ground. New York is known to have many people living on its streets, but none of them were dressed like this; skinny jeans and a nice pea coat.

 Blaine stopped running and studied the shaking form; realizing his intuition had been correct, he knelt on the ground near Kurt.

 “Kurt?” The man flinched and tensed up, “Kurt, I’m sorry. I was just surprised to see you. I’m sorry if I offended you. I really didn’t mean it.”

 Muffled sounds came from Kurt’s form before his arms unfolded, only to be placed in a protective mode over his head, leaving his face to be protected between his knees. Blaine felt his heart break for the other man. He wanted to help, but didn’t really know how, especially being the cause of this panic attack.

 “Kurt, take some deep breaths, okay?” Blaine instructed; Kurt’s shaking form was unresponsive to Blaine’s words, “Kurt, please look at me.” Still no response and Blaine scooted a little closer, still not touching him, “Kurt, deep breaths. Focus with me, okay? In one, two, three....Out one, two, three...In-“

 Kurt’s form didn’t change but shaky words were being mumbled. Blaine held his ear closer to Kurt’s knees, hoping to catch what he was saying.

 “Kurt, I need you to speak up or lift your head so I can understand, okay?” Blaine said quietly.

 Kurt barely lifted his head from behind his legs, but he raised his voice slightly, just enough for Blaine to understand.

 “Please, leave me alone, Blaine. Please. I trusted you. I felt safe. You don’t want me. Just please leave and don’t hurt me.” Kurt just kept talking along those same lines without stopping.

 Blaine’s heart broke into a million pieces. He took a shuddering breath as his own insides began to churn. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pressing the tip of his fingers to his thumb one at a time, counting them as he went. Kurt’s continued words combatted Blaine’s attempts to calm himself. His insides were screaming to follow what Kurt says _; ‘leave him alone, make him happy, do what he’s begging of you_ ’. His brain was screaming the opposite; _‘Kurt is in the middle of a panic attack, you can’t just leave him here. He could get hurt or die. Stick with him!’_

 “K-Kurt, I can’t leave you. Y-you shouldn’t,” Blaine tried to take a deep breath and ended up in a coughing fit, his hands were shaking and his head felt like it was about to burst, his breathing coming in rattling and not catching enough air, “You sh-shouldn’t be alone. Please stop asking m-me to go. Just l-let me help.”

 “ ** _Please_** leave me alone. Don’t hurt me. Please. Let me be alone. For me, Blaine. Please. **_Blaine_**.” Kurt’s voice broke into a sob as he said Blaine’s name.

 Blaine felt his body standing on shaking legs before he even truly realized what he was doing.

 “Kurt, I’m s-so sorry.” Blaine whispered before he began running toward the subway, hoping against all hope that Kurt would be alright.

* * *

 Kurt awoke the next morning completely unaware of how he’d made it home. The last thing he remembered was running out of the bar. He had a hazy memory of Blaine sitting on a street with him, but couldn’t figure out why his mind would come up with that.

 He rolled over and groaned at his aching body. He reached for his phone and saw he had a message from Blaine.

  ** _FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: I’m sorry I walked away. I just...I needed to help you and that’s what you wanted. I hope you’re okay. Please tell me you’re okay? I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just surprised. I need you to be okay. Please?_**

Kurt felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest as his mind conjured up the memory of Blaine’s face when they’d locked eyes the night before. He’d made a mistake trusting Blaine. He’d made a mistake allowing himself to relax around him. He couldn’t make the same mistake again.

**XXXX**

 Kurt took a deep breath as his phone dinged again on his coffee table. He’d been receiving messages from Blaine all day, begging him to inform him of his wellbeing. Kurt bit his lip and opened the message.

  ** _FROM BLAINE ANDERSON: Please tell me you’re okay? I just...please hear me out, Kurt. Let me explain. I’ll explain everything. I feel awful. I’m so sorry. Just...please hear me out._**

Kurt took a deep breath and hit the reply button, hoping that letting Blaine know he was alive would stop him.

  ** _TO BLAINE ANDERSON: I’m alive. Please stop contacting me. Please. For me. I need to be left alone. I made a mistake._**

**XXXX**

 As Kurt slipped under the covers of his bed a few hours later, he eyed his phone suspiciously. He hadn’t expected one simple message to shut Blaine up, but apparently it did. Kurt felt more relaxed as he settled onto his pillow, but there was still a heavy dread in his heart that no amount of deep breaths or calming exercises seemed to help.

* * *

  _“Please, Blaine? For me?” Andrew batted his eyes at him as Blaine tried to avoid his gaze, “It would mean a lot to me. I mean, it **is** my birthday after all.”_

_Blaine swallowed as the tugging in his stomach really pulled at him. Andrew had been at this all day long and Blaine’s resolve was slowly fading as his body began shutting down. He’d never agreed to what Andrew was suggesting to begin with, but Andrew was insistent that they’d discussed it._

_“I know and I thought we’d go out to dinner and have a nice evening for... **us**.” Blaine said, finally meeting Andrew’s gaze again._

_“Well, this will still be **us** I’ll just be on the sidelines. I’d hate to let our guest down now that I’ve told them the plan. Wouldn’t you?” Andrew said with a sigh, “I guess a night with only us would be good too, I was just looking forward to this.” Andrew mumbled as he stood from their bed._

_At the upset look on Andrew’s face Blaine’s body went into overdrive, his mind screaming at him to fix it, fix what he’d done wrong by letting Andrew down. At the same time, a small voice was screaming not to do it. It was sick and twisted and he loved **Andrew** and wanted to only be with him._

_“ **Wait**. Fine. I’ll do it.” Blaine’s voice was shocking to his own ears. He hadn’t planned to agree, but it came out anyway. Immediately his body began calming as Andrew’s hope filled gaze met his own, a smile spreading across his face. “Yeah, I’ll do it.”_

_“Oh, Blaine! I love you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Andrew leaned down and kissed him passionately, “Okay, get undressed, I’ll go get them.”_

_“I love you too,” Blaine said before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, suddenly a single word popped out to him._

_“Wait, **them**?!” Blaine opened his eyes and stood, but Andrew was already out of the room, his laughter along with several other unfamiliar laughs echoed down the hall and into the bedroom._

_Blaine walked to the door where he peeked out and saw Andrew and eight other guys standing around. One of them nodded to Blaine and Andrew turned around, a wide smile on his face._

_“ **Ah**! There he is, though I’m surprised he’s still dressed and coming out to see us.” Andrew said with his eyebrows raised, “But, nonetheless, here he is boys,” He waved Blaine out and he cautiously stepped forward into the room, “Here’s your little **fucktoy** for the night.”_

Blaine sat up abruptly, shaking and sweating. He looked around and sighed in relief when he realized he was at his own apartment. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, calming his heart rate.

 It was still dark outside so he didn’t even bother to look at the time. He stood up and stretched as tall as he could with his arms overhead. He padded out into the kitchen and got himself a glass of water.

 He sighed as old memories came flooding back through his head. He knew Kurt hadn’t meant to trigger them, but that simple phrase that Andrew loved using did wonders on his subconscious, and not in a good way.

 Kurt. That man was a mystery to Blaine and he wanted nothing more than to be trusted by him and to trust him. After their evening that should have been, it occurred to Blaine that that ship had sailed. Kurt could never trust him, and he was not likely to trust Kurt. He’d been excited with how comfortable they’d become around each other, granted it was nothing compared to where they **_could_** be, but it was a start, and Blaine ruined it by causing Kurt to have a panic attack and mutter the one thing that caused Blaine to lose all trust in him.

 It hurt his heart to realize that the first guy he’d really had begun to feel a spark for and really pushed himself to get to know since Andrew was turning into a failure. It only reinstated what he knew before; he was not destined for relationships. Everyone turned their back on him or hurt him in one way or another. He just needed to stick to his ways; get laid when he wanted, focus on his career, try and keep in contact with his brother, and keep his distance.

 Blaine shook his head, drained his glass of water and placed it in the dishwasher. He sighed and walked back to his bedroom to go back to sleep and fight more of his demons.

* * *

 Kurt awoke on Monday feeling queasy. He’d had an internal battle through all of Sunday debating what had really happened with Blaine. Obviously, the man felt horrible for scaring Kurt on Friday, but Kurt also came to realize that maybe it wasn’t the shock that scared him; it was the something else he’d had yet to place that scared him. He’d made a pack to himself to give Blaine one more shot. Really, it was to give **_himself_** one more shot because he’d messed up their friendship as much as Blaine had.

 Kurt walked to the diner, trying to stay calm. He hadn’t contacted Blaine at all since his message to get him to stop on Saturday evening; he hoped Blaine still decided to go to the diner that day and not avoid it simply because Kurt was building his way to becoming a regular.

 He pushed open the door and heard the jingle of the bell overhead. He looked over to Blaine’s usual table and saw his curls; his head was bent over a notebook, hand writing furiously.

 Kurt took a deep breath and smiled at Lily, who was already pouring a coffee mug for him.

 He sat down across from Blaine, “Hello, Blaine.”

 Blaine’s pen fell from his hand and he slowly raised his head to meet Kurt’s gaze. Kurt had to hold back a gasp as Lily set down his mug wordlessly before walking away. Blaine looked like shit. His exhaustion was evident in his eyes and they were surrounded by dark circles, his mouth was pulled in a slight frown and his posture was slumped in what could be construed as defeat.

 “Hi Kurt.” His voice was quiet and he picked his pen back up, twirling it between his fingers, looking back to the notebook once again.

 “What’re you working on?” Kurt asked, trying to break the tension between them.

 “Work stuff.”

 Kurt immediately sensed that he was unwelcome, but he’d come for a reason and he wasn’t going to fail himself, “Um, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for freaking out on Friday,” Blaine’s eyebrows knit together but he didn’t say anything, “I was just...out of my element and already on edge. I think my mind mistook your surprise for annoyance. A-and I think I was also afraid because you w-were obviously sort of happy to see me and it scared me.”

 Blaine’s voice was so quiet Kurt almost couldn’t hear the words exiting his mouth, “But I invited you, why wouldn’t I be happy you were there?”

 Kurt sighed, “I know. And hearing you say to that guy that you’re always searching for someone to... ** _fuck_** after your shows...it made me think that was the reason you’d invited me,” Kurt kept talking as fast as possible to stop Blaine from interrupting as his frown set deeper in his expression, “I realize that’s not why you invited me, but in that moment my brain told me that and...among everything else, I believed it. I know it’s not true though, we’re...well, you wouldn’t have invited me for that reason.”

 Blaine swallowed, “I’m glad you know that. I really just wanted to hang out.”

 “I know. Plus I’ve just...I’m sorry. I have had a lot of...”

 After Kurt’s pause trying to figure out how to phrase it, Blaine spoke up, “Shit happen in your life?”

 Kurt nodded, “Yeah, and it’s very hard for me to even **_talk_** to people, let alone understand why they’d be genuinely happy to have me around without some sort of hidden agenda.”

 Blaine nodded slowly before lifting his gaze to meet Kurt’s once again, “You know Kurt, you’re not the only one who’s had a bunch of shit happen in his life. You’re not the only one with trust issues. I don’t know what happened in your past, but I know what happened in mine and there’s something about you that makes me **_want_** to trust you, makes me want to open up and allow you to know me. But now...”

 Kurt felt his heart sink at the unfinished thought and his body immediately tense at the realization that he, too, felt the same with Blaine.

 “But now?” Kurt prompted, not missing the way Blaine’s eyes began to fill with unshed tears.

 “It’s just...I don’t know that it’s good that we continue our...friendship, I guess it is.” Blaine said through a choked voice.

 Kurt’s heart sped up in a new sort of panic; he couldn’t lose Blaine, “ ** _What_**? Why?”

 Blaine closed his eyes, allowing a single tear to stream down his cheek, and took a deep breath, when he opened his eyes again they looked so... ** _haunted_**. Kurt knew that look. He’d seen it in the mirror many, many times over the years. Blaine had been hurt as bad, if not worse, than he had and something had brought his demons back. _‘Oh my god. He doesn’t want to be friends...it was me. I brought them back.’_

 Blaine studied Kurt’s face for a moment longer, “Kurt, look, I just... ** _obviously_** you would have no way of knowing, but...something was said this weekend that cut deep and...I just can’t do this. I can’t...handle being close to someone. I need to stick to my ways and I’ll be fine.”

 Blaine’s eyes were pleading with Kurt to understand, but Kurt felt like the world had dropped on his shoulders. Blaine had just confirmed his fears; **_he’d_** done this.

 “B-Blaine. I’m so sorry. I obviously...I don’t know what I said, but I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

 The emotions in Blaine’s eyes seemed to be at war as he studied Kurt. His eyebrows knit together as he looked down to his notebook again before slowly closing it. When he looked up again, he looked so vulnerable that Kurt was almost scared to hear what he had to say.

 “Do you want to go somewhere where we can talk a little more...private?”

 Kurt felt his eyes widen as his stomach clenched in on itself, _‘Private? What are you going to do?’_ “W-what?”

 “I think...I think maybe I should tell you about my past and...why I am the way I am. I don’t know why, but I really do want to trust you. Something inside me tells me I can. It’s scaring the fuck out of me, but...I think maybe I can tell you.” Blaine looked on the edge of a panic attack, and Kurt felt his own panic rising, but he knew how huge this was of Blaine to do because even he couldn’t do this now, if ever.

  _‘If he can trust you with asking you for this, you can trust him to be somewhere private for him to speak about his past without looking over his shoulder.’_

 “O-okay. Um, where should we go?” Kurt replied.

 Blaine shrugged, “My place is sort of far away, but it’s got a comfortable couch to sit on if you’re up for it? Plus, and this is completely selfish of me, but I’ll be home, so...if things get...emotional...I don’t have to worry about finding my way home.”

 Kurt bit his lip and as much as it scared him he slowly nodded, he could do this for Blaine. Maybe.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Blaine's story. It's quite intense but it explains who he is. TRIGGER WARNINGS: dubcon (pushing noncon) in the italicized section near the middle-end, suicide (not of Kurt/Blaine, someone else), glimpse of child abuse (not graphic). Please proceed with caution, though I really feel this is an important chapter. Please note the additional tags as well as the CHANGE IN RATING FROM MATURE TO EXPLICIT. Thanks for all the support. :)

Kurt walked into the spacious apartment with wide eyes.

 “Um, I’m going to use the bathroom, make yourself at home,” Blaine said with a nod towards the living room.

  _‘Fat chance.’_ Kurt thought to himself.

 “Okay.”

 Kurt toed off his shoes and walked into the living room, taking a moment to look out of the large windows, stifling a gasp at the beautiful view of the city. He began to look around a bit. In the corner of the living room where Kurt was standing was a beautiful piano along with several different guitars lining the wall next to it. There was also a wide variety of seating options throughout the room, ranging from a very comfortable looking chair to a fluffy couch. He turned and saw a very large television along with a wall of blu-rays and DVD’s. Kurt shook his head at the sheer amount of films lining the wall.

 As Kurt was about to step towards the fireplace to look at the pictures a voice stopped him, “Sorry that I sort of left you to fend for yourself, I know there are too many options in here.” Blaine said and Kurt turned to look at him, seeing a small smile on his face, “They’re set up, supposedly, to be the ‘perfect arrangement so there’s a seating option for whatever you’re doing,’” Blaine quoted with a smirk, “Really, I just picked out some furniture and had someone help me arrange it.”

 Kurt nodded, “It looks nice. Your home is beautiful. Very...large.”

 It was true; most New York apartments are known to be very tiny, but this place was incredibly spacious. Kurt shuddered at the thought of the rent; mortgage more likely.

 Blaine shrugged, “Thanks. Can I get you something to drink?”

 Kurt shook his head, the unease of being in someone else’s home starting to really settle in, “I’m okay.”

 Blaine shifted on his feet, beginning to look uneasy himself, “Uh, do you want to sit on the couch? It’s ridiculously comfortable. And it’s fucking huge so I won’t be sitting in your lap, I promise.”

 Kurt swallowed at the thought, _‘Please don’t.’_ “Sure, sounds good.”

 They both made their way to the couch, sitting on either end. Kurt couldn’t help the contented sigh that escaped him as the couch nearly sucked him in with its fluffiness.

 Blaine chuckled, “Right?! I really love this thing. It’s the best spot in the house for movie watching; or catching the big game of the week, though Cooper argues he can’t really enjoy the game to the full effect because he never wants to stand up and cheer once he’s seated.”

 Kurt felt himself tense up at the discussion of sports but took a deep breath before responding, “I bet movies look great on your screen also.”

 Blaine nodded enthusiastically, “They really do.”

 A silence fell between the two of them for a moment and Kurt could feel the knots forming in his stomach. He cleared his throat, “So...”

 Blaine sighed, “Yeah, I should probably get talking, huh? Sorry, it just felt nice having someone else around here.” Kurt simply nodded his understanding, “Okay...um,” Blaine scratched the back of his neck before turning so his back was to the armrest, one leg folded under the other, “So, I’m probably going to get emotional, like, crying type of emotional. I’ll also probably get lost in my memories for a while, just say something or tap me or something and I’ll keep talking. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. Deal?”

 Kurt watched Blaine’s expression turn to pure vulnerability and he hadn’t even started talking yet. His eyes were the most expressive, showing how scared he was, yet how hopeful he was of Kurt’s understanding.

 “Deal.” It came out a whisper, but Blaine’s sigh of relief showed he’d caught it.

 Kurt turned to mirror Blaine’s position, resting sideways into the couch more than Blaine, but facing him nonetheless.

 Blaine took a heavy breath, “Okay. See, I have this... ** _need_** to please everyone. Make everyone happy and do what is asked of me. No matter what. I **_can’t_** let people down. If I do...it causes panic, really. I fucking **_hate_** it more than anything, but it’s just the way it is.” Blaine paused, looking straight at Kurt, apparently waiting for some sort of reaction. Kurt just offered a half-smile of understanding. “I think it probably started from when I was a kid. My parents always told Cooper and I to do what was asked of us, to help people when they’re down and just be good to others to keep them happy. Ever since I can remember, that’s been the message around the Anderson household, especially regarding us kids.” Blaine sighed, “I think the message **_really_** became clear when, god, I must have been in the fifth grade, I guess, but my mom asked me to help her with the laundry. I was in the middle of teaching myself to play a song on the piano so I told her ‘no’ because I didn’t want to help at that moment. She got this look of extreme disappointment; I’ll never forget that look. I immediately felt so guilty that I started crying. She walked out of the room and told my father what had happened. He was so fucking pissed. My parents are good people, they would never hurt a fly, but this day...my dad just lost it. He took me outside and gave me a lesson I’d never forget. I never said no to my mother again, that’s for sure.”

 Kurt raised his hand slightly, causing Blaine to stop, “So this lesson...um, there’s no good way to ask...but, did he hit you?”

 Blaine smiled sadly, “Yeah. Beat the shit out of me, really. I mean...I didn’t need a doctor or anything, but yeah, he did. Like I said, my parents are good people, my dad was just already stressed as it was, and to see that look on my mom’s face sent him over the edge. He felt like shit after, I could tell, but he also needed to keep to his lesson. He simply said ‘that’s for disappointing your mother. Now go do the laundry.’” Blaine shrugged and Kurt felt his heart rip out of his chest at the thought of a mini Blaine getting hurt, “It was a long time ago.”

 Kurt felt as though he should say something, but he couldn’t get his mouth to work. He’d come to Blaine’s knowing he’d be getting a lot of personal information thrown at him, but he hadn’t realized it would cause his insides to react so much. He felt the all too familiar clenching in his stomach and he could feel that his hands were shaking, his heartbeat faster than usual. He took a deep breath, and one more, before getting himself to a calm point.

 “I’m sorry that happened. It obviously really affected you.” Kurt said, hoping it was the right thing.

 Blaine smiled again, “Well, like I said, my parents are good people. I came out to them in the summer before high school. I had been so... ** _scared_**. I’d told Coop earlier that year and he’d been super cool about it and tried to convince me to tell my parents right away, but I couldn’t. I’d heard from a friend of mine about our local high school and how the student body had pulled a prank on the local gay kid, leaving him tied up to the flag pole and spray painted the word **_FAG_** across his chest and put makeup on him claiming he’d love it because he was essentially a girl anyway. It somehow didn’t make the news, but everyone in town knew about it. I finally decided to come out to my parents in hopes of avoiding that school. They decided to send me to Dalton, and as we’ve talked about before, I was an active part of the Warblers.” Blaine paused, his eyes looking past Kurt and he seemed to be collecting his thoughts, “My time at Dalton was amazing really. Their no bullying policy was upheld to the highest degree. Their rules at the school also...reinforced what I’d learned at home. They expected us all to be gentlemen.” Blaine laughed humorlessly, “As if any of us really knew what was expected of a **_gentleman_**. They had their few basic rules to being gentlemanly, be kind to each other, be polite to everyone but especially those older than you, and help out whenever and however is needed. Basically, those ideals were shoved in my face over and over again. I couldn’t escape it, even at boarding school. It was truly a great school, though. I wouldn’t have had my high school career any other way.” Blaine sighed as he stood up, “I need a glass of water, can I get you anything yet?”

 Kurt studied Blaine for a moment, his throat felt really dry from the heavy breathing he’d been doing subconsciously, but didn’t want to force Blaine into doing anything for him.

 “A g-glass of water, if it’s not too much trouble?” Kurt answered, shame filling him at needing to request something of the man before him.

 It must have shown on his face because Blaine smiled softly at him, “Hey, I offered, okay? And you can ask me to do stuff, I **_can_** say no, it’s just the guilt trip that people pull that makes me go all panic-mode. Okay?”

 Kurt nodded and watched as Blaine stretched out his body as he walked towards where Kurt assumed the kitchen was.

* * *

  _‘Okay, Blaine. You can do this. Sure, that was the easy part, but you’ve already said this much. Just go fucking say it! He deserves to know. You can do it.’_

 Blaine was leaning on his hands that were bracketing the glasses of water staring up at him. The nagging in his stomach didn’t help the headache that had come on. He knew it was due to lack of sleep as well as the stress of talking about his past and the inevitable panic attack sure to come on, but he refused to stop. He’d brought Kurt home with him for a reason.

 He picked up the glasses and walked out to the living room once more. He handed Kurt one of the glasses.

 “Thank you,” Kurt said before taking a drink out of the glass.

 “Sure,” Blaine replied.

 They sat in silence for a few moments. Blaine could feel Kurt’s eyes on him, so he turned to his original position facing Kurt, taking a few deep breaths as he got settled.

 “Okay, um, college?” Blaine asked, looking straight at Kurt once again. Kurt simply shrugged. _‘Of course, dumbass. He doesn’t know where your story is headed.’_ “Yeah, so I went to NYU, studied music.” Kurt’s eyes lit up, “Yeah, makes sense considering my career choice, I suppose.” Blaine chuckled to himself. He saw that Kurt’s eyes had narrowed slightly, as though debating whether or not to really speak. “What is it?”

 Kurt sighed and looked to his lap, “It’s...nothing. It’ll sound horrible if I ask. Just continue.”

 Color Blaine intrigued, “It’s okay, what is it?”

 Kurt’s cheeks had colored significantly when he finally met Blaine’s gaze again, “Well, it’s just...your place is **_gorgeous_** and **_huge_**. I just...it’s got to be really expensive so I’m wondering...what you do for work? I-I know you’re a musician, but you seem to be just sort of starting out, so... ** _god_** I’m sorry, that was rude. Ignore me.”

 Blaine laughed again, “It’s totally fine, Kurt. **_Really_**. I actually usually am more of a writer. That’s why I always carry my notebook. I’m always booked out to write songs for one thing or another. That’s how I can afford this place. It’s always been ‘the dream’ to be my own musician and I finally got a backbone...well, right before I met you actually and put my foot down with my manager by saying that I want to write for myself. So that’s why I’ve been doing gigs, I’m trying to get my break. Jared, my manager, sent out my demo to all the big labels and we’ve only heard back from one, and it’s the only label in town I refuse to work with.”

 Kurt looked slightly flustered at all of the information as he held up his hand, “Wait. You’ve sent out your demo and you haven’t heard back? **_Why_**? Have they not heard you?”

 Blaine couldn’t help but blush at the compliment, “Thanks. They’re always super backed up, though. I’m sending out a new batch of demos next week, hopefully that’ll gain some interest. I’m also planning on sending notifications to invite some of the labels to upcoming gigs. We’ll see.” Blaine shrugged.

 Kurt nodded slowly, “Well, um, what kind of songs do you write? Broadway? Other musicians?”

 “Yes.” Blaine answered simply, laughing a bit.

 Kurt smiled back at him, “Have you written anything I know?”

 Blaine nodded at him, “Yeah. Lots of stuff. The thing is, though, I’m a ghost writer for them. I don’t get any credit, but I get a shit ton of money to keep my mouth shut.”

 Kurt’s smile fell a bit, but he nodded nonetheless, “Got it.”

 Blaine waited for the inevitable begging to spill on which songs were his, but it never came. Kurt just sat waiting patiently for him to keep talking. Blaine’s heart swelled in his chest at the complete understanding without having to put an ultimatum.

 He cleared his throat, “Um, anyway. I’d never really dated before college. I went on one date with a guy my senior year of high school just to say I’d done it. Nice guy, but it didn’t happen.” Blaine smiled at the memory, before it slowly faded away as other memories came crashing in, “I...Through college, I never really...held back the fact that I’d do just about anything for anyone. As a matter of fact, that earned me my first boyfriend.” Blaine bit his lip as Greg’s face came sliding into his mind, “Greg, he, uh, he liked to shop. A lot. He knew I came from a wealthy background and knew I could get my parents to give me money when I needed. He took my bank account for a ride. Then came Freddy.” Blaine laughed humorlessly, “He was one for sex.” Kurt flinched and Blaine tried to ignore it, “He...even when I was way too tired from studying or needed to use that time to study or whatever, he was good at working his way into my bed, or getting me into his. He actually wasn’t too bad of a guy; he was just a sexaholic and knew how to work me into his favor.” Blaine sighed, “After that I just sort of dated around a bit. Not really committing to anyone because my past two relationships hadn’t been all that great. Then...I met Andrew.”

 Blaine closed his eyes to try and hold back the tears that welled up behind his eyes at the thought of the guy that broke him. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm his stomach and heart. When he opened his eyes, he met Kurt’s gaze and immediately allowed a few tears to fall. There in Kurt’s eyes he saw a deep understanding; Blaine immediately recognized that Kurt **_actually_** understood rather than ‘understood’ the pain Blaine had been through. He understood that Andrew was important in making Blaine who he is. He was the one that changed everything. Blaine took a drink of water and almost choked on it with how closed his throat was with emotion.

 “I, uh,” Blaine cleared his throat when his voice came out just as choked as he felt, “I met him right at the end of junior year. He was a business major and we met at one of those ‘school is ending for the year, let’s get fucked up!’ parties, as you know college students do.” Blaine didn’t miss the blush creeping across Kurt’s cheeks, “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to presume; did you go to college?” Blaine asked, seeing Kurt’s head shake ‘no’ he nodded; “Anyway, there are a lot of those parties. It’s stupid, really, but such is college life. I met Andrew at one of those parties. We ended up talking the whole night. He seemed so...sweet. We exchanged numbers and talked for weeks before I finally got the guts to ask him out. I broke my self-given rules for him because he seemed so different from the others. He was...at first.” Blaine took a deep breath and had to turn away from Kurt, he couldn’t look him in the eyes because he also represented an onslaught of broken self-given rules, “He was really kind and when he learned that I panic when I don’t do what is asked of me he always stood up for me. He never let anyone take advantage of me. Then...he started asking me to do stuff or asking me to buy him something. He coined his favorite phrase that always... ** _always_** got me to cave.” Blaine broke off, needing to catch his breath as his chest constricted and his headache began pounding through his skull.

 “What was it? The phrase?” Kurt’s quiet voice drifted to Blaine.

 A mixture of Andrew and Kurt’s voices rang through Blaine’s mind, echoing and bumping through his brain.

 “’ ** _For me_** ’; as in...’Please Blaine, do this **_for me_** ’, or ‘But Blaine I need this new tie for my presentation. I don’t have any money though. Maybe you can buy it? Please? **_For me_**?’” Blaine choked on a sob, “Those are just...basic examples. It got so much worse. He...he started guilting me into buying him more and more stuff. He got me to move in with him and break the lease on my apartment. He...every time we had any free time it was never something **_I_** wanted to do. We did his choices **_for him_**. I was offered tickets to **_Coachella_** over Spring Break and I had to refuse them because he wanted to go to London. He made me feel awful that I wanted to do something other than what he wanted. He said...he said it made him **_so_** unhappy, so...London it was. Then we graduated. Everything was...fine. My parents and Cooper thought we were moving a little fast but I guess they were just happy that I was happy. And...I was. I was truly happy, except in those times when he really pulled the guilt card, that fucking sucked.” Blaine closed his eyes as more tears spilled down his cheeks, “It all sort of came to a head on his birthday that year. We’d been dating a little over a year and a half and he...well, he claimed that we’d talked about it before but I know...I **_knew_** we hadn’t but...there it was. ‘Please Blaine? **_For me_**?’ and some other shit about it being his birthday. I knew...I **_knew_** I didn’t want it. I couldn’t do it. Then I saw the disappointment on his face, and heard how disappointed the others would be and...I had to. I **_had_** to do it. I was shocked that it was a **_them_** and not a **_him_** that Andrew wanted to see but...then it all made sense...I was introduced as the **_fucktoy_** ,” Blaine heard Kurt’s gasp but couldn’t bring himself to look at him, “And they were... ** _we_** were going to be the show for Andrew’s birthday celebration...”

  _“Alright boys, he’s all prepped. Have at him.” Andrew said as he slipped away from Blaine._

_Blaine had begged Andrew to be the one to prep him, knowing the others probably wouldn’t take the care to make sure he was fully prepped. Andrew had reluctantly agreed, having really wanted to watch someone else do it, have someone else force Blaine’s body to react._

_The first guy straddled his chest, tipping forward so his dick was directly in front of Blaine’s mouth. Blaine looked up and saw the guy smirking down at him._

_“Open up,_ **toy** _. Let’s give your boyfriend the show of his life, yeah?” He said before forcing his way deep into Blaine’s throat._

_Blaine gagged at the abrupt intrusion, but the man didn’t let up. As soon as the guy got a smooth rhythm going, another cock was lined up at Blaine’s ass. Blaine jumped as the man pushed in rapidly, immediately moving into a punishing rhythm without giving Blaine time to adjust._

_A chorus of moans filled the room, along with the skin on skin and wet, almost choking sounds coming from Blaine. Suddenly, the cock in his mouth pulled out, only to spurt across Blaine’s face without warning. As the man moved away, Blaine went to wipe some of the cum from his eyelashes, only to be stopped by the next man who held his wrists overhead, using them as support as he shoved in._

_The dick in his ass unloaded into the condom, and pulled out, only to be replaced immediately by the next one. Suddenly, Blaine felt his own dick being played with for a moment, only to be covered by a condom. Blaine tried to speak out around the dick pumping in and out of his throat, but the man didn’t let up. Heat surrounded his dick as someone sat on him._

_Blaine peeked out of the corner of his eye, tears spilling down his cheeks, and caught sight of Andrew, leaning back in a chair, watching_ **everything** _, pumping lazily at his dick._

_Cocks seemed to come and go for a long time. Blaine found himself zoned out after the guy sat on his cock. He’d come and the guys had worked him hard again, twice. He was annoyed with his body’s reactions, considering he loved Andrew and only wanted him, but he couldn’t help it._

_Finally, the dick in his ass spilled into the condom for the last time at the same time as his own climax into one of the guys’ mouths. Blaine was sure they’d each taken a turn both in his ass and in his mouth, though he wasn’t aware enough to prove it._

_Blaine laid on the bed, completely worn, not even caring that he was stark naked as each of the men walked out, shouting their praises as they went._

_Andrew walked them out. Blaine had, with great effort, turned onto his side and curled up, tears sliding down his cheeks. He didn’t have the effort to shower or take a bath even though he wanted nothing more than to get the sweat and cum off of him._

_When Andrew came back into the room, he slid into bed behind Blaine, being the big spoon. He stroked up and down Blaine’s side slowly._

_“Baby, you were so amazing tonight. You made it the_ **best** _birthday ever. You were their perfect fucktoy and I got to watch it all. Thank you, baby. I love you.” Andrew said before placing a kiss on Blaine’s shoulder._

_“Happy birthday. I love you too.” Blaine choked out through his disgusted tears._

* * *

 Kurt watched as Blaine seemed to fall deeper and deeper into his memories. His sobbing had taken over as he was pulled into his mind, obviously reliving being Andrew’s ‘show’ for his birthday. Kurt’s heartbeat was racing and his hands were shaking, his breathing was too fast to hold for much longer. The deeper Blaine seemed to fall, the more horrified Kurt felt. Blaine was letting him in, letting him see him like this and it scared the shit out of Kurt. He took several deep breaths, calming down to where he was before Blaine broke.

 He reached out a shaky hand and lightly touched Blaine’s shoulder as he whispered his name. The second his hand came in contact with Blaine’s shoulder, the other man screamed as though he’d been shot. Kurt immediately recoiled and pulled his knees into his chest. He knew he’d only surprised the other man, but it didn’t make him feel any less awful. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, waiting Blaine out.

 After a few moments, Blaine seemed to settle down a bit, and Kurt felt considerably better, having spent that time focusing on calming himself down.

 “Sorry.” Blaine said with a sniffle, “I told you I’d get emotional.”

 Kurt lifted his head, but kept his chin on his knees, letting his legs be a shield between Blaine and himself. Blaine looked absolutely distraught, but had a determination in his eyes that Kurt had to admit was brave of Blaine. He knew Blaine wasn’t about to not finish his story.

 “It’s okay. D-did you leave him? After that night, I mean?” Kurt asked, barely above a whisper.

 Blaine coughed and leaned back into the couch, turning his head to look directly at Kurt once again, but his body seemed too worn out to actually move.

 “No. I stayed with him for about two months after that. I-I think he understood that he’d way overstepped that night. He played me into doing what he wanted and knew it was something I’d **_never_** do. He apologized every single day after that. I could tell the guilt was eating at him. I couldn’t forgive him right away because...I just couldn’t bring myself to. I loved him, though, so I couldn’t leave. I loved him so fucking much and it hurt more to think about leaving than it did to stay.” Blaine stopped as his brows furrowed together, sighing before speaking again, “I guess it wasn’t actually love though, was it? You don’t love someone then do that to them. You don’t play them into submission. **_Fuck_**.” He ran a hand over his face, turning to look at the ceiling above him.

 Kurt swallowed and allowed him a moment to think, “So...why’d you leave? I mean...I’m guessing you guys aren’t together. Sorry for presuming.”

 Blaine laughed humorlessly, “I got one final ‘ ** _for me_** ’ out of him. He’d been feeling worse and worse over those two months. The guilt from what had happened, along with everything else he’d done was eating at him. Not to mention he’d been rejected at all of his graduate school options and that had finally caught up to him. Who knows what else was going through his mind, but one day I came home to him hanging in our bedroom.” Kurt’s heart stopped in his chest and he could hear himself gasp _oh my god_ , but Blaine didn’t pay attention, “He’d left a note and among the many things the note said, including many apologies for everything, was that last _‘ **for me**_ ’. It was for me to grow into the amazing man that I was destined to be before he’d come along and fucked my life up.” A solitary tear slid down Blaine’s cheek and he batted it away, only for it to be replaced seconds later by a stream of more, “I-I’m not upset with what happened with him, that he took his own life. I don’t love him anymore. I’ve moved past that. I just...he’s the reason I’m the way I am. He’s the reason I don’t trust easily and when I do I’m scared to hell every second that my trust is placed in the care of someone else. I focus on my career so much so I don’t have to realize just how lonely I really am. I don’t allow myself to let others in because I **_know_** I’ll only end up hurt. I fuck random guys because I can and I know how to fuck and run. I have everything I need without being close to someone. I barely speak to my parents anymore because they were so... ** _disappointed_** when they’d seen how fucked up I’d allowed myself to become. Which is fucking ironic. And I have Cooper who I try and keep in touch with but he’s so busy we barely have time to talk. Then I have my acquaintances in Jared and Lily, one of whom I need for my career, the other for coffee. That’s it. Well...that’s **_not_** it, because...” Blaine trailed off, turning his head to look at Kurt once again, a loud sob erupting from his throat, “I’m so fucking scared, Kurt, because of **_you_**.” Kurt felt his world collapse around him _‘What is he talking about?!’_ “I’m scared because there’s something about you that makes me want to trust you. There’s something about you that makes me want to throw out my rules and get close to you. I...I **_want_** to be close to you and it scares the fuck out of me. I **_can’t_** want this, but I’m too scared of letting you go. I want to know you and you know me. Something inside of me screams that you’re worth the inevitable pain that will come of us. But...I just don’t know anymore.”

 Blaine completely broke down into sobs again. Kurt felt his heart break as the rest of him hurdled toward panic mode. Everything Blaine said about the feeling that it’s okay to throw out the rules for them to be friends had been screaming within Kurt as well. He knew just as well as Blaine that the pain really **_wasn’t_** worth it. Something within Kurt screamed that maybe this time it **_was_** worth it, that **_Blaine_** was worth it. Kurt tried, as always, to stomp that down, he had to protect himself. He’d made a mistake coming with Blaine to hear his story.

 “B-Blaine, I-“

 “ ** _Please_** Kurt. Please don’t leave me. I just...I need someone here tonight. I don’t want to be alone. I’m sorry I’m so selfish, but **_please_**!” Blaine sobbed.

 Kurt looked at his watch and his eyes widened at how much time had passed. He looked to the windows and sure enough it was pitch black outside. Kurt looked back to Blaine and saw the watery honey-hazel eyes pleading at him. _‘You owe him this. You came here to hear his story, stay with him...No! You can’t do that. You’ll lead him to think you’re okay being friends. But...why can’t it be okay to be his friend? DON’T GET CLOSE!’_ Kurt shook his head to clear the war in his head, only to be greeted by a loud sob from the other end of the couch. Blaine had seen.

 “Blaine, I-I’ll stay.” Kurt said uneasily, when he got no response he spoke louder, “B-Blaine, I’ll stay with you tonight. I won’t leave, okay?”

 “ ** _Please Kurt_**.” Blaine whimpered, before sniffling, “I-I’m sorry, I’m being selfish. I-It’s okay.” Blaine shook his head before trying to stand, his body giving out, causing him to fall back to the couch with a sob.

 Kurt swallowed and took a deep breath in attempt to hold back his growing panic at his decision to stay, “Blaine, let me h-help you. Please?”

 Blaine turned to look at him, pouting deeply, “Wh-what?”

 “Let me help you. I’ll help you to your room, and then I’ll come out here and stay on the couch, okay? I won’t leave until you wake up.”

 “K-Kurt, I co-“

 “Blaine. **_Please_**. I want to help you.” Kurt stood and reached out a shaky hand and Blaine eyed it suspiciously, “I won’t leave, Blaine. I’ll be here.”

 More tears escaped Blaine’s red-rimmed eyes as he took Kurt’s hand, “O-Okay.”

 As soon as Blaine stood, it was clear his body was too worn from emotions to walk on his own. Kurt slung his arm around Blaine’s waist and allowed Blaine to put his arm around his shoulders. They slowly trudged back to Blaine’s bedroom. Kurt peeked in each door as they passed; bathroom, spare bedroom, office and finally Blaine’s room.

 Kurt got him settled in the massive bed and tried to ignore his ever-growing panic.

 “D-do you need anything else?” Kurt asked.

 Blaine’s brows furrowed as more tears escaped, “Y-you wouldn’t want to stay in here? N-not to... ** _do_** anything, I just...I feel like I need to be close to you.”

 Kurt’s... ** _everything_** screamed ‘NO!’, but he figured he’d made it this far and the last time he’d felt like this he’d lost it for no reason, so he nodded and eased under the covers, leaving plenty of space between him and Blaine.

 Kurt’s stomach rumbled at the lack of food through their day, and really it **_was_** early to be going to bed, but he felt exhausted.

 “Goodnight, Blaine.” Kurt whispered shakily.

 “G’night, Kurt. Thanks.” Blaine mumbled back, already half asleep.

 Kurt closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to tune out the unfamiliar scents and feelings around him. Soon enough sleep pulled him under.

  **XXXX**  


 Morning came and Kurt awoke in an empty bed that was not his own. It immediately made him feel uneasy, as the last time he’d had this happen was the one time he’d slept at Rachel’s, where they’d clung to each other, on the first anniversary away from home of... _’Don’t think about it. Just check on Blaine and leave.’_

 Kurt stood out of the bed and walked to the bedroom door. His body and mind both felt heavy from the sheer amount of information dumped on him the day before, especially the emotional weight of it all.

  He rolled his eyes at the sound of the television where the announcer said something along the lines of ‘NFL player did something revolutionary’. He **_hated_** sports and avoided them at all costs. Just another reason to leave as soon as possible.

 He was to the living room, his eyes set on Blaine’s huddled form beneath a blanket, eyes glued on the television in apparent shock when he’d heard the new voice coming out of the television. He stopped in his tracks, frozen to the spot.

 “My name is James Houlden and while many people think it’s not ‘manly’, especially for an NFL player or athlete of any kind, to be gay, I’m here to tell you that’s not true. I am an NFL player, and I am gay. I’ve made many mistakes in my past that I’ll never deserve forgiveness for, but I refuse to hide any longer. That being said, you know who you are, and I’m **_so_** sorry. More sorry than you’ll ever know. Being gay isn’t something to be ashamed of, it is-“

 Kurt felt his entire body shaking, his breathing coming out faster than it ever had before and everything in his body was tightening up. He fell, only to be caught in a strong, warm embrace.

 “ ** _Kurt_**?!” Blaine’s voice rang out before everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9

**Warnings: Violence and Finn's Death**

* * *

“Kurt? **_Fuck_**! Please come back to me! **_Kurt_**! Deep breaths. It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you, please just breathe. **_Please_** Kurt. Come on. Breathe! In, one, two, three. Out, one, two, three. **_Please_**!” Blaine’s frantic voice broke through Kurt’s foggy mind.

 He felt something soft surrounding him, his hand was being gripped tightly and something was moving between stroking his hair and his cheek. Kurt tried opening his eyes and barely got them open with how exhausted his body was. He focused as Blaine counted out his breaths for him, matching the counts with his inhales and exhales; it really did help to not have to think about it. Finally he got his eyes open and met Blaine’s gaze, Blaine sighed in relief as a tear slid down his cheek.

 “Oh, Kurt. I’m so sorry; I don’t even know what happened.” Blaine whispered before stepping back a bit.

 The grip on Kurt’s hand and the whatever it was carding through his hair immediately left with Blaine’s step backward. _‘Oh, that must have been him. NO! No...he’ll only hurt you like James...JAMES! Shit. No. He’s....he’s on the television. NO! Don’t find me! Don’t hurt me again!’_

 Kurt felt his breathing speed up again, only to be calmed by Blaine’s soft counting.

 Kurt slowly brought himself to a seated position through all of the exhaustion taking over his body and looked around. He was on Blaine’s couch with the soft blanket that Blaine had been curled up in earlier loosely draped over him.

 He swallowed the thickness in his throat, “H-how long?” He immediately started coughing at the dryness coating his mouth.

 A glass of water was shoved into his hand as Blaine sat near his feet on the opposite side of the couch.

 “Um, about an hour. I almost called 9-1-1.” Blaine admitted, looking to his knees, “I should have called 9-1-1. Sorry.”

 Kurt shook his head, “It was a panic attack. I’m usually on my own for them.” Blaine met his gaze, eyes full of concern, though he certainly looked more rested than the day before, “Thanks for taking care of me.” Kurt said, surprised at how truly grateful he was.

 Blaine nodded slowly looking back to his knees, “Um, I’m sorry if yesterday was too much. You came out of my room and it was like as soon as you saw me...you just collapsed.”

 Kurt immediately looked to the television, grateful to see it had been turned off. Granted, the silence that was beginning to stretch between them should have been a clue, but he checked nonetheless.

 Kurt’s heart began beating faster as he realized he had to let Blaine in somewhat in order to ease his guilt, because it **_really_** wasn’t Blaine’s fault. He took a couple deep breaths. _‘You can do this.’_

 “B-Blaine, it wasn’t you.”

 Blaine looked to him, confusion clear on his face, “What?”

 Kurt bit his lip as his mind warred, begging him not to say anything while at the same time knowing he had to. He took a final deep breath and decided to let Blaine in just a tiny bit because he had to and even though Blaine would inevitably hurt him, it was for the best.

 “Um...uh....” Kurt couldn’t get himself to speak, he was trying **_so_** hard to push the words out, but he just... ** _couldn’t_**.

 Blaine tentatively reached out and placed his hand softly on Kurt’s ankle over the blanket. Kurt realized that Blaine must actually be a tactile person when his guard was down. The simplicity of the touch, especially with the blanket barrier so it wasn’t too heavy, somehow made Kurt calm down.

 “Kurt, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.” Blaine whispered.

 Kurt shook his head and took a deep breath, “I-It was the television. I was coming out to check on y-you before I left and you were in my eyesight, that’s why you probably think I was looking at you.”

 Blaine’s brows knit together, “You’re not comfortable around televisions? We’ve talked about films together, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“

 “It’s not the **_television_** , it’s what was on it.” Kurt said, shaking his head, feeling his panic rising at the thought of James.

 Blaine’s eyes were on him, but Kurt could tell he was wracking his brain for what he was watching.

 “ ** _Oh_**. Sports. I’m so sorry, I forgot, Kurt.” Blaine said quickly.

 Kurt shook his head again, “I hate sports, true...but...” He swallowed around his nerves, “It was the...subject matter.”

 Blaine’s brows furrowed again, “Gay athletes?”

 Kurt sighed, _‘You can’t be vague anymore, just admit to it and move on. You’ve come this far. Don’t just leave him hanging.’_ “The g-guy, J-J-James. Uh, he was...he was **_my_** Andrew.” Blaine’s eyes widened in surprise and his mouth dropped open, “H-he didn’t do...that sort of stuff, but...he’s the one that...broke me down and...I guess **_I’m_** the reason I have my barriers...but...”

 “It was his fault you had to build them.” Blaine finished for him, understanding filling his eyes.

 Kurt nodded slowly, tears spilling down his cheeks, hands shaking and heart racing.

 “I’m sorry. I, uh, I-I should go.” Kurt said, kicking off Blaine’s hand and detangling himself from the blanket.

 He stood and made it three steps towards the door when Blaine’s voice stopped him.

 “You don’t have to. If you want to talk about it, or not, you can stay. Just...hang out with me? I know I already sort of forced you to stay last night, but...if you want to hang out...or talk...I’m here, Kurt. Like you were for me.”

 The memory of Blaine’s tear streaked face proclaiming his hope of trust in Kurt, and the feeling of the same hope filling him stopped Kurt from finishing his walk towards the door.

  _‘Don’t do it! But...he trusted you and you haven’t hurt him, maybe he won’t hurt you. KEEP YOURSELF SAFE! He opened up. It could do you some good, maybe, to talk about it. He already knows about James, your deepest secret, might as well clue him in to the rest. NO! HE_ **WILL** _HURT YOU!!!’_

 Kurt turned to look at Blaine, who was looking at him with the most sincere eyes he’d seen out of **_anyone_** in a really long time. He remembered how scared he’d been to share information about himself during their diner talks and how much better he’d felt when he’d realized Blaine wasn’t going to use the information against him. The memory of how much better he’d felt talking to anyone other than Rachel about his life, even something as simple as glee club, was also something he hadn’t forgotten. He nodded slowly and walked back to the couch and sat down.

 “I’m going to cry and will most likely panic, just so you know what you’re getting into. I mean...you’ve seen it already, but...just so you know. Are you okay with that?” Kurt asked, stomping down his panic trying to claw its way to the surface.

 Blaine smiled softly, “Of course. I did the same yesterday. You’re safe here. I promise.”

  _‘Am I though?’_

* * *

 Blaine watched as Kurt’s face showed a battle of emotions. Blaine had felt so horrible when Kurt had collapsed earlier and while he was scared to know Kurt’s past, he knew how huge it was for him to open up. Blaine had dealt with the same battle the day before while debating whether or not to open up to Kurt.

 “So...my story isn’t as...harsh as yours. I-“

 “Hey, hey. This isn’t a battle of who’s got it worse, Kurt. Don’t belittle your past.” Blaine interrupted.

 Kurt nodded, “I was bullied throughout my whole childhood. I was...different than other boys my age. I wanted to have tea parties while they wanted to play soccer. That sort of thing. Even after my mom died, the kids never let up. Not that they really understood, but they seemed to sense a change in me and knew which buttons to push to make me cry right in the middle of the hallway,” Kurt sighed, “Anyway, as I got older it only got worse and worse; especially when everyone hit puberty and even once I passed through that awkward phase, my voice was still as high as my three year-old cousin’s.” Kurt sighed and shook his head, “The jocks were the worst. Everyone else knew how to sling words, but I could give it back faster than they could come up with more, and harsher than their insults had been. I was sort of a bitch, really.” Blaine felt his lips tug into a slight smile at the thought of Kurt sassing someone out, “The jocks, however, they used force. Slushies, throwing me into dumpsters, locker checks, elbows to the ribs ‘on accident’, you name it, they did it. They always reminded me that I’d brought it all on myself by waltzing my faggot ass around like a neon rainbow sign.” Blaine’s heart broke as a few tears escaped Kurt’s eyes, “My, uh, my saving grace came in the face of a transfer student junior year. He was the golden child of a multi-sport superstar. He gained immediate popularity within his first week on campus when he scored the winning touchdown for our football team...” Kurt’s eyes clouded over for a second, seemingly sinking into his mind.

 Blaine cleared his throat as his mind drifted to the televised report earlier, “James?” He ventured.

 Kurt snapped back to the present, looking at Blaine and nodding, “J-James. He saw me get thrown into a dumpster one day and...well, he talked to his goonies and got them to back off. Granted, I still got shoved against lockers and got the weekly ‘glee club slushie’, but it wasn’t so bad. It felt like vacation, honestly. That year, James and I had a couple classes together and he always greeted me when he came into class. I thought, at first, that he was mocking me, but he seemed so genuine I couldn’t help but say hi back eventually. We ended up being assigned to work on a semester long project together for history and we had to do a lot of work for it, meaning a lot of time spent together outside of class. We slowly got to know each other and I was crushing **_hard_**. He, uh, he came out to me near the end of our project. It was...a shock, especially considering he’d dated the better part of the cheer squad throughout the year.” Kurt snorted and Blaine couldn’t hold back his smile at the noise coming out of the usually reserved man, “Anyway, he begged me not to say anything to anyone because of his reputation, but he wanted **_someone_** to know. I agreed but I’m pretty sure my...my stepbrother heard because-“

 “Wait, step-brother?” Blaine said, confusion coursing through his body. He’d previously asked Kurt if he had any siblings, but Kurt had abruptly changed the subject.

 Kurt closed his eyes as more tears spilled down his cheeks, “Just...F-Finn was...is an important reason for my coming to New York. I’ll explain; can we just please wait to discuss him?”

 Blaine shrugged but the use of _was_ wasn’t lost on him. His heart broke as he hoped he was wrong about the meaning behind that.

 “I’m sorry, I just know that we’d started discussing siblings before and, well, you sort of brushed me off. It just surprised me. Sorry, continue.” Blaine felt his blush deepening as he dug himself further and further into a hole.

 Kurt shrugged, “I just...couldn’t open up about him before. Sorry, Blaine, I didn’t mean to mislead you,” Blaine shook his head to show it was no problem, “Okay, um...so I think Finn might have heard through the wall or something because the next day James had been bombarded by his friends, asking about it. He’d just sighed and blew them off and for some miraculous reason the other assholes let him off, just like that. Granted, Finn wasn’t invited to their end of the year kegger, but at least James got off the hook. He came up to me on the last day of school and told me he realized he’d had feelings for me. I told him it wasn’t true and I was just the only other gay kid in the school and clearly he knew I had feelings for him. He disagreed right away and asked me to dinner at Breadstix the following evening.” Kurt’s nose crinkled as his memories faded for a moment, “Breadstix was this **_awful_** Italian wannabe restaurant in town. Their breadsticks were disgusting. Unfortunately, it was the only decently nice ‘date’ place, so that’s where we went.” Kurt took a deep breath, disappearing into his memories again; Blaine wondered for a moment if **_he’d_** looked so focused as he’d talked the day before, “We, uh, we had a great time at dinner, actually.” Kurt smiled softly and Blaine knew he was deep into his memories, he thought about saying something to bring Kurt back, but decided this was probably the only reason Kurt could talk without going into complete panic already, “He paid and everything. We went for a walk to the park after and...” Tears slid down Kurt’s cheeks and he swallowed several times.

 Blaine had to hold himself back from reaching out because he’d come to realize that Kurt was **_not_** a tactile person.

 “Kurt, it’s okay. Just breathe. You don’t have to keep talking, it’s okay.” Blaine whispered, too scared to speak louder for fear of scaring Kurt.

 Kurt shook his head, “No, I want to. Sorry. We walked to the center of the park, under the moonlight and...he kissed me.” Kurt’s soft smile returned as he relived the moment in his mind, “He told me to let myself shine and kissed me again.” His smiled slowly faded away, his face turned even paler than usual.

 Blaine’s heart began to clench for fear of what happened next because of the haunted look on Kurt’s face.

 “ ** _Kurt_**.” Blaine whispered, choking out the word.

 “We walked a little further and some of his asshole goonies showed up. They...they said James had pulled through on his w-word, getting me where they wanted me.” Kurt’s breathing was coming faster, he was visibly shaking and tears were streaming like rivers down his cheeks, “I-I looked to him, not really b-believing he’d do that. P-Play on my emotions like that. H-he delivered the f-first p-p-punch.”

 Blaine felt his breath leave him as Kurt shrunk into himself, shaking heavily and breathing rapidly. Blaine’s heart broke at Kurt’s memory and the sight in front of him. His own tears began to fall as he fell to the floor and crawled to Kurt’s head. He began whispering for Kurt to breathe as he stroked his cheek like he’d done that morning.

* * *

  _James’ fist connected with Kurt’s jaw, causing his teeth to drag painfully and a shooting pain course through his jaw and cheek._

_“What the hell?!” Kurt shrieked, only to be thrown to the ground by the hand that James had kept a grip on._

_The other guys circled around, smirking down at him, Kurt felt his blood run cold as James’ eyes turned lifeless. Kurt yelped as a sneaker connected to his ribs from behind. More kicks came all over Kurt’s torso as he curled in on himself. He looked up at James once more, connecting with his gaze, silently pleading for James to stop them. James simply sneered down at him and sung his own foot back, connecting with Kurt’s nose._

_Kurt screamed in pain as every inch of his body began throbbing in pain. He felt blood tricking down his face from various places. Suddenly, all of the kicks stopped. There were words exchanged above Kurt, but his mind was swimming too much to try and make sense of any of them._

_He was hoisted to his feet, his body screaming in pain as his arms were locked behind himself, holding him upright. He looked forward through hazy eyes, only seeing several blobs swimming in front of him. He wheezed as someone kneed him in the balls, making him even more nauseous than before. He’d stopped screaming, he couldn’t manage it anymore, nor did he want to give them the satisfaction. Someone delivered several consecutive punches to his abs and ribs._

_After one final knee to the balls, effectively getting Kurt to vomit all down his front, he was thrown to the ground, his head slammed on the pavement with a hollow thud. He barely made out the laughter that trailed after the group as they walked away._

_He laid on the ground, waiting for_ **something** _to happen. He couldn’t get any of his limbs to move so he could stand. He tried to scream, only to be sent into a coughing fit that splattered blood onto the pavement in front of him._

_As blackness took over he heard one word screamed into the night, not even realizing it had come from his own body._

_“_ **HELP**!!!!!!”

* * *

 Kurt was whimpering and Blaine was at a loss. He kept whispering to Kurt that he was safe and to breathe. Kurt was completely unresponsive, so Blaine continued to stoke his cheek and began humming to him. It was a nameless tune, just what was flowing through his mind at the moment. Slowly, Kurt’s eyes began to focus again, bringing him back, meeting Blaine’s gaze once again. Blaine offered a soft smile before continuing to hum again.

 He slowly retracted his hand and rested in on the couch between himself and Kurt. Kurt’s shaky hand reached out and petted his fingers as the rest of his body began relaxing and stretching out. Blaine could have cried at the simple gesture; Kurt initiated something between them, showing his trust.

 Blaine reached back behind him with his free hand and grabbed Kurt’s water glass, extending it toward him.

 “Water?” Blaine whispered, afraid to break the moment but knew Kurt needed to soothe his throat.

 Kurt nodded and ever so slowly retracted his hand from Blaine’s to push himself into a reclined seated position, wincing as he did so. He reached out his hand and Blaine gave him the glass of water. He took a shaky sip and handed it back, bending his legs up to rest his chin on his knees.

 Blaine moved to sit on the couch again, giving Kurt the space he seemed to need in that moment.

 Blaine took a deep breath, “Kur-“

 “I woke up in the hospital just over a week later.” Kurt’s hoarse voice floated to Blaine, “They’d kept me in a medically induced coma for a few of those days to let me heal a bit. I was... ** _broken_**. I,” Kurt took a breath, his chin quivering as a single tear escaped his eyes, “I remember waking up and seeing my dad, Carole and Finn all sitting by my bed looking so...upset.” Kurt shook his head, nearly toppling off his knees in the process, “The hospital bills nearly pulled them under by the time it was all said and done. The jocks all had much better lawyers than my family could ever afford and they ended up getting off with community service.”

 Blaine felt utter shock and rage coursing through his system, “ ** _WHAT_**?!”

 Kurt jumped, “I know. We were upset, but there was nothing we could do. I-I forced my dad into letting me go back to school. One of my legs was still in a cast but the rest of me had... ** _mostly_** healed. Physically, anyway. I’d sat in the hospital thinking **_how_** this could even happen to me. It all came back; I’d brought it on myself. I was a damn neon rainbow sign and I’d let myself shine. I’d **_trusted_** him. Look where that got me. I-I had trusted him and he beat me half to death. I let him close and that is what happened.” Kurt choked on a sob, his body shaking again, but to Blaine’s relief, seemingly more out of crying than panic.

 “Kurt, it wasn’t your fault.” Blaine whispered.

 Kurt shook his head, “I couldn’t trust anyone anymore; outside of my family, and by extension Rachel, Finn’s girlfriend, because everyone knew they were going to marry someday. I got my father to allow me back into school because I didn’t want him to pay anything for private tutoring or anything when he couldn’t even really make the medical bill payments. He’d...he’d refused at first, but I told him I’d wanted to show up those bullies and keep singing in glee.” Kurt smiled sadly, “I did neither of those things. The bullies still picked on me and I quit glee to avoid getting noticed and to distance myself from the people in that room because I couldn’t...” Kurt swallowed, “I couldn’t let them hurt me also. I also **_really_** didn’t need their sympathetic stares or ‘comforting words or songs’,” Kurt sighed as more memories flashed through his eyes, Blaine’s heart broke at the way Kurt had felt the need to go into self-exile, but knew it was exactly the same thing he’d done and it made his heart break even more, “Anyway, one day I got a letter from Parsons saying I’d been accepted.”

 Blaine felt his mouth gape, “What?! That’s awesome! What program?”

 Kurt smiled shyly, “Fashion design.”

 Blaine’s eyes widened even more, “I didn’t know you design clothing.”

 Kurt’s smile immediately fell, “I don’t. Not anymore. Back then...I was a **_lot_** more fashionable than I am now. I was fashion forward in fact, especially for a teenage boy in Ohio.” Kurt smirked, “The funniest part? I never applied.” Blaine felt his brows furrow as confusion coursed through his body, “Yep. Finn had brought up to Rachel that I hadn’t applied anywhere, so she applied for me.”

 Blaine smiled at him, “I think I’d like Rachel and Finn.”

 Kurt sighed, “You probably would. Anyway, I turned them down.”

 Shock coursed through Blaine once again, “I’m sorry, **_what_**?!”

 Kurt smiled at him, “I told you I didn’t go to college yesterday,” Blaine nodded his recollection, but it still didn’t make any sense, “I just wanted to lay low. I wanted to stick around home and help my dad at his tire shop that he owned and help pay for my medical bills. I only had a couple months of school left then I could really help out. Not to mention I didn’t want to worry my dad with college expenses as well. So I gave them a basic rundown of what had happened and politely turned them down,” Kurt shrugged, “Anyway, school that year had been going fine. The assholes continued to shove me around, but were obviously scared to do too much damage. James was sort of their ringleader. Him and a boy named David Karofsky; Karofsky had always been the ringleader, though, even before James came along. Karofsky was the one who initiated the closet lock-in; though I’m pretty sure James turned the lock because he’d had the keys in his hand when they shoved me inside.” Kurt’s eyes glazed over again, “They decided that locking me in a closet would be **_hilarious_** because ‘ha ha the gay kid is in the closet!’, right?” Kurt asked rhetorically, Blaine nodded his understanding nonetheless, “I was locked in some closet in the school for an entire day, as in twenty four hours, all through school one day, that night and the better part of morning classes the next day, until Finn found me. He’d been searching the entire school when he’d heard one of the guys joking about it during before school workout hour. He got the janitor to let me out. Finn took me home and...” Kurt drifted off and for some reason Blaine was scared again; something bad had happened. “He said he was going to make those guys pay for what they did. I told him not to bother, not to waste his time or energy. He was so upset and I knew I should probably try and talk to him more...but I was...so tired. I’d hoped he’d listen. I fell asleep at some point and I woke to my cell phone ringing later that night. I-I...”

 Kurt began sobbing uncontrollably and Blaine couldn’t hold back any longer, he scooted closer and rested his hand on Kurt’s shoulder, the other man fell into him, seemingly unknowingly, but Blaine wrapped his arms around him nonetheless.

* * *

 Kurt melted into Blaine’s embrace, ignoring everything inside of him screaming to push the other man away. He sobbed until his eyes ran dry; Finn’s upset expression from their last conversation running through his mind. He took a deep breath and slowly sat up, wiping at his eyes. Blaine kept a hand resting in Kurt’s still bent knee.

 Kurt cleared his throat and looked at the warm spot where Blaine’s hand was resting, drawing strength from it. _‘Wait! What?!’_ Kurt ignored the reasoning behind his finding strength in the other man and just went with it.

 “Apparently he’d gone to school and found the group of jocks all hanging out on the top of the bleachers eating lunch. He confronted them and things...” Kurt swallowed as the lump in his throat seemed to double, “Things got physical and Finn got in a couple good hits, but...Karofsky shoved him away and he tripped over the bleacher backwards. He hit nearly every metal seat on the way down. He landed neck first on the fence separating the track from the bleachers. He...he died trying to protect me.” Kurt heard his sobs more than he felt them, his heart was clenching so hard he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t even register Blaine’s condolences, just the smooth circles his hand had taken to making on his knee, “It shouldn’t have happened. Finn should be here. I shouldn’t have gone back to that stupid school. I should’ve tried harder to get him to stay with me that day. I should’ve done **_something_**. Instead I trusted that everything would be okay.” Kurt shook his head as more tears spilled down his cheeks, “Finn was the best brother I could have asked for. We had our differences at first, but he came around and was fiercely loyal and such a great guy to talk to. Not always the smartest, but very insightful despite what some might tell you,” Kurt smiled sadly as memories with Finn flowed through his mind.

 “What happened to those guys? The ones that killed Finn,” Blaine asked softly.

 Kurt sniffled, “Well, most of them only got a hit in or none at all, but were able to claim self-defense because he lunged at them. Which I don’t doubt, but...it was stupid. James was one of those guys. He got off with nothing; especially because he was the one that called 9-1-1 as soon as Finn hit the fence. Karofsky got jail time because he was over eighteen at the time and had been the one to push Finn. I didn’t pay attention to how long or what his sentence was; just that he got punished for it. That was enough for me.” Kurt nodded to himself, thinking back to the day when his dad and Carole came home saying Karofsky was going to jail. It had been bittersweet.

 “Well, I’m glad one of them got some sort of punishment. It’s too bad they all didn’t, but there’s **_some_** justice served.” Blaine replied, squeezing Kurt’s knee lightly.

 Kurt met Blaine’s gaze and saw the soft comforting smile on his face and the warmth in his eyes, as though he wanted to keep Kurt safe from everything that had happened.

 Kurt cleared his throat, “So...I made it through graduation. All of my friends went off to college and began their lives. I stayed behind and helped at my dad’s garage. We...before Finn died we were all pretty close, but that really brought us closer than ever before. Rachel liked to keep in touch with us. She moved right out here to New York and attended NYADA. We’d dreamed of my designing her Tony gown someday. Anyway, she’d keep me updated about how wonderful New York was and how amazing it was to get out of Lima, away from all of the memories that haunted her and how utterly free she felt out here. I’d been struggling with all of my own ghosts haunting me around town. Too many people knew what had happened either to me or Finn or both and they’d just look at me with pity or want to talk about it and it just made me feel worse with every passing day. My dad noticed, of course, and one day he and Carole sat me down and slid a plane ticket and a key to an apartment across the table to me. There was no discussion or anything, they just told me to get packing.” Kurt smiled at the memory, even though it still hurt that he didn’t get to spend time with them anymore, “So, there I was, twenty years old moving to the city that used to be the city of my dreams. I got out here, got the job at the market and had a second job as a waiter with Rachel, but there were too many people and rats.” Kurt chuckled and was pleased to hear Blaine chuckle along, “Anyway, I’d saved up enough to move to a better apartment, where I currently live, and I’ve been there ever since.” Kurt shrugged.

 Blaine’s smile widened a bit, “And here you are.”

 Kurt smiled back, because yes, there he was, letting someone in, trusting someone; and maybe this time it wouldn’t turn out so bad.


	10. Chapter 10

The following several weeks were stressful for Blaine. Things between him and Kurt were going well. They’d begun slowly building their friendship, learning more about each other and getting coffee at the diner nearly every day. While opening up to Kurt more and more left him stressed, his career was leaving him even more stressed.

 Jared had yet to get him signed to a good label and the shows he was playing still didn’t attract as much buzz as he’d hoped for. Not to mention that Blaine was still getting guilted into writing for other artists and watching them gain huge success off of his music made Blaine second guess everything he’d been hoping for. His mind began to go towards a place of doubt that maybe it wasn’t the music but **_him_** that the labels didn’t want. Jared had talked him down from that ledge, but it didn’t lessen the sting.

 Finally, Blaine got a break. He booked a small venue, bigger than his usual bars but still small. He was excited because not only did he sell the venue out, he’d written several new songs that he’d been looking forward to premiering.

 The set went phenomenally; the crowd was **_really_** into it, though several people had been looking around, squealing when they found Cooper standing quietly near the back of the venue. His new songs had been well received and he’d seen many people taking videos, meaning they’d probably go up on YouTube, which Blaine could only thank them for the free publicity.

 After his set, things took a turn for the worse. He was packing away his last guitar when Jared popped his head in with a strange man in a suit in tow.

 “Blaine, that was an excellent set.” Jared said, throwing his arm around Blaine’s shoulders.

 “Thanks, man. The crowd seemed to really enjoy it so that was good.” Blaine agreed humbly.

 “Totally. Anyway, this is Ryan Miller from Blaring Records,” Jared waved a hand towards the man, removing his arm from Blaine’s shoulders.

 Blaine stepped forward and extended his hand, “Ah, nice to meet you, thanks for coming out tonight.”

 Ryan shook Blaine’s hand and nodded, “Yes, your performance really kept the crowd engaged. Your songs were really catchy. Jared tells me you write your own material?”

 Blaine nodded, “Ever since I was a kid, yeah.”

 Ryan nodded and opened the folder in his hand, “Well, we would certainly love to have you on board at Blaring. Don’t give me an answer tonight, but here’s the deal we’d like to offer you in return for signing with us.”

 Blaine accepted the paperwork and smiled brightly at the man, “Thank you so much. I’ll definitely take a look at it and have Jared keep in touch with you.”

 Ryan smiled, “Excellent. Congratulations on the show, I hope to hear from you.”

 With that, Ryan and Jared exited the room. Blaine sat down and began scanning the paperwork, frowning the further he went. Jared reentered the room several minutes later with a shit eating grin on his face.

 “Well? How fucking great is that, Blaine?! We knew you’d get signed!” Jared sat next to Blaine, nudging his shoulder.

 Blaine turned to Jared, holding out the offer for him to take, “I’m not doing it.”

 The surprise on Jared’s face was quickly replaced by anger, “What the hell do you mean?”

 Blaine took a deep breath, “Look at their terms, it’s ridiculous. They want huge cuts of all of my profits and they are reserving the right to ‘mold me into the Blaring Records client everyone would love’. Seriously? What the fuck? Plus, they’re demanding a bunch of other shit that you **_know_** I’m not okay with; **_especially_** writing for other artists as well as my own music. It’s not happening.”

 Jared sighed, “Blaine, might I remind you that offers are not flooding in like we both had hoped? We can’t keep turning people away.”

 “I understand they’re coming in slowly, but people are going to be posting the shit from tonight on YouTube and if I keep booking actual venues then maybe labels will start approaching us more often. Especially if we keep sending them demos.”

 Jared rolled his eyes with a frustrated huff, “I just have to say, Blaine, I’m really disappointed. This is a great offer and letting these guys down will not only send a strong message, it will be upsetting to me that we’ve worked this hard only to flush a good offer down the drain.”

 Blaine could feel the sinking in his stomach and his heart began to race, “Jared, stop. I’m not accepting their offer and you know others are going to come along. We just have to keep pushing.”

 “Blaine,” Jared turned to face him straight on, disappointment painting his features, “I guess I’ll tell them no but...this is beyond disappointing. I’ve worked my ass off just to get Ryan here and this is how you repay me?” Blaine was feeling sicker with every passing word out of Jared’s mouth, his headache had come and his breathing was starting to lose normalcy, “Fuck. First you want to give up doing what brings you profit and now you’re turning away a label? Letting the label down is one thing, but letting me down is-“

 “ **SHUT THE FUCK UP**!”

 Both men startled as Kurt’s voice was screamed from the doorway. The man entered the room, glaring at Jared as he went to Blaine’s side.

 “Who the fuck are you? How’d you get back here?” Jared sneered at Kurt.

 “I’m here with Blaine,” Kurt explained.

 Blaine watched as Kurt knelt to the floor in front of him, he was a little blurry around the edges. Blaine knew he needed to get his breathing under control quickly but couldn’t seem to figure out how.

 “Kurt, I-“ Blaine coughed as his throat tightened.

 “Breathe, Blaine. You’re just fine.” Kurt said, sitting back on his feet, staring intently at Blaine.

 “Ah, so you’re his fuck of the night, **_awesome_**. Well, if you’d excuse us, I’ll have him out to you shortly. We have business to take care of then you two can fuck until morning for all I care.” Jared said, reaching for Kurt’s arm.

 Kurt tugged his arm out of Jared’s grasp, “I’m **_not_** his fuck of the night, we’re friends. Can’t you see what you’re doing to him?”

 Blaine focused on his breathing as Kurt and Jared bickered back and forth. His stomach was swirling and his head felt like it was about to explode. He feebly reached a hand out to Kurt and the other man tentatively clutched onto it. Blaine knew he wasn’t a tactile person but he needed an anchor in that moment.

 Screaming began to puncture Blaine’s foggy world.

 “ **YOU CAUSED HIM TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK**!”

 “ **I DID NOT**! **YOU BURSTING IN HERE INTERRUPTING A BUSINESS MEETING MADE HIM LOSE FOCUS AND NOW LOOK AT HIM**!”

 “ **YOU FUCKING CALLED HIM A DISAPPOINTMENT**! **HE’S THE REASON YOU’RE GETTING PAID IN THE FIRST PLACE**!”

 “ **FUCK YOU**! **YOU DON’T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT THIS BUSINESS, NOW GET OUT BEFORE I CALL THE COPS AND FORCE YOU OUT OF HERE**!”

 Blaine snapped at this, no one was going to push Kurt around. He didn’t deserve the mistreatment, especially at Blaine’s expense.

 “Jared shut the fuck up. Tell Blaring no and stop being an asshole, especially to Kurt.” Blaine wheezed out, catching them both off guard.

 Jared should have had steam coming out of his ears with how pissed he looked, “Fine, but believe me, you **_will_** live to regret this decision Blaine.”

 Jared stomped out, leaving the two men in silence.

 “Blaine, you’re not a disappointment. You’re so amazing and talented. You blew everyone away tonight. Seriously. I’m...I’m proud of you, okay?” Kurt said, looking deep into Blaine’s eyes.

 Blaine felt tears beginning to form behind his eyes; it had been a long night. He swallowed and nodded, not trusting his voice. They sat there for several minutes, Blaine focusing on getting his breathing truly back to normal, which was made all the more difficult due to him trying to hold back his tears.

 Finally, Kurt spoke up, “Are you okay now?”

 Blaine nodded and felt Kurt taking his hand out of his grasp, “Thanks. Seriously, for... everything tonight.”

 Kurt smiled as he stood, “Of course, Blaine. I meant every word. I just...I don’t understand how you can have someone representing you who pushes you down like that.”

 Blaine shrugged, “He’s always been helpful until I began wanting to branch out on my own rather than writing for others. He always knew how to get me to do work I didn’t want to do, but he’s been extra pushy lately.”

 Kurt bit his lip but didn’t respond, only held out his hand to help Blaine up. Once he was standing, Kurt took him by surprise and pulled him into a loose hug. Blaine felt more tears beginning to form at the gesture because he knew Kurt had pushed himself so much already and then to do this was just over the top.

 They broke apart at the sound of someone clearing their throat in the doorway. Blaine smiled at Cooper as the older man looked between Kurt and Blaine with a grin.

 “Heya Squirt, who’s the boy?”

 “Don’t call me that.” Blaine mumbled, “This is my friend Kurt, Kurt this is my brother, Cooper.”

 Kurt stepped forward and shook Cooper’s hand, “Nice to meet you.”

 “You too! All right, Blainey, I just wanted to come check on you because I managed to get out of the crowd of my adoring fans and you had yet to come out. **_Now_** I see why, but now that I’m here, are you ready to head out?”

 Blaine nodded, “Yeah, I just need to talk to the guy who’s loading up the van with my instruments and we’ll be good to go.” Blaine turned to Kurt, “I’ll walk you out, okay?”

 Kurt nodded and said goodbye to Cooper before the duo walked to the stage door.

 “Is Cooper taking you home?” Kurt asked quietly, “I just want to know that you’ll be okay.”

 Blaine smiled and felt his heart warm at Kurt’s concern, “Yeah, he’s staying with me so I’ll be fine. Thanks again, Kurt. It meant a lot to me that you came and I truly appreciate you helping me out with Jared.”

 Kurt smiled shyly, “You’re welcome. Congratulations on the offer. I know you’re not accepting, but it still must have felt good to have been asked?”

 Blaine nodded, “Are you going to be okay getting home? Do you want Cooper and me to give you a lift? Coop insists on renting a car while he’s in town, it’s annoying as fuck but it works well for tonight.”

 “I’ll be fine. Get some rest. I’ll see you at the diner on Monday?”

 Blaine nodded and had to resist pulling Kurt in for a hug, “See you then.”

 With a final wave, Kurt exited the door. Blaine took a deep breath and began his search for the bulky man waiting to collect his instruments.

* * *

Kurt smiled at the stack of cans in front of him. He’d managed to create a gorgeous pyramid of soup cans higher than he stood. He looked around and saw Seth staring at the stack with an impressed look on his face. A hint of pride swelled within Kurt at his work. He sneakily pulled out his phone and snapped a photo to show Blaine the next morning over coffee. They’d had to miss their coffee that morning due to Blaine needing to sleep more to make up for a rough night at the bar the night before with Cooper, who’d been disappointed when Blaine kept pushing his invitations for drinks away after his show. ‘Twisted Tuesdays’ as Blaine had quoted from Cooper were apparently as ‘twisted’ as they sounded considering Blaine’s hangover. Kurt had giggled at Blaine’s groggy voice and had offered no sympathy, only his promises not to make fun of Blaine when they met again.

 “Excuse me?”

 Kurt jumped and turned to face a gruff looking man with arms laden in various items, “Yes, sir? How can I help you?”

 Kurt felt proud of himself for keeping eye contact rather than cowering to the floor.

 “Yeah, I need two cans of that soup but my hands are full, could you just grab them and put them on top of the pile for me?”

 Kurt took a deep breath and nodded, completing the task with a smile, not even flinching when the man’s chin came in contact with his hand as he placed the can.

 “Anything else I can help you with, sir?” Kurt asked, still holding eye contact, though he was starting to feel uneasy and heart was beginning to speed.

 “Nah, thanks man.”

 The man walked away and Kurt closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths. He jumped when a hand came in contact with his shoulder. He turned to see Seth smiling at him.

 “Nice work, Kurt. You’ve been making a lot of improvements in your work recently, nice job. Keep up the good work and we might be able to give you some more shifts.” Seth said before walking away without waiting for an answer.

 Kurt smiled to himself. While money wasn’t desperately tight, he would appreciate the added income to live a little more comfortably, especially with how often he was getting coffee out with Blaine.

  **XXXX**

 “Kurt, this is amazing! I don’t know how you reached those top ones, but **_fuck_** that’s awesome!” Blaine cheered as he handed Kurt’s phone back to him, “And that’s awesome about Seth. I’m excited for you!”

 Kurt couldn’t stop staring at the huge hickey on Blaine’s neck. It was like a car crash, as much as Kurt wanted to look away, he simply couldn’t. A feeling began tingling in his stomach that he didn’t want to place. He couldn’t feel that way; he was already pushing enough boundaries by being friends with Blaine. There was no way he’d let... ** _jealousy_** come into the equation. Especially because there was no way Kurt would ever do... ** _that_** stuff with Blaine. Or anyone. No.

 “Um, thanks, Blaine. I’m pretty excited for the extra income if he gives those shifts to me.” Kurt replied lamely, finally tearing his eyes from the bruise to look down at his coffee, “So, speaking of work, have you heard from Jared at all since Saturday?”

 Blaine’s sigh made Kurt look up; his eyes had clouded over and he’d leaned back in the booth, closing himself off.

 “Not yet. I suspect I’m in for a phone call either today or tomorrow considering he would have turned in my decline and the weight of that decline would have sunk in even worse by now. Fuck him, though. Those stipulations were ridiculous.”

 Kurt nodded in response, not knowing the full details but knew enough to warrant Blaine’s frustration. “Um, so how much longer is Cooper in town for? Are you enjoying your time with him?”

 Blaine seemed to relax once again and Kurt breathed a silent sigh of relief, “He’s here through the weekend. Yeah, we’ve been having a good time. Granted, I wanted to punch him all day yesterday with his loud voice and pointing, but I guess I deserved it after drinking that much.”

 Kurt smiled, “Ah, that’s one of the reasons why I rarely, and by rarely I mean never, drink. I don’t feel like puking all morning long.”

 Blaine smirked, “I’ve seen you drink before.”

 “Okay, that’s why I don’t get **_drunk_**. I can have a drink and call it good.”

 Blaine laughed, “Me too, when I want to, but when a hot guy keeps buying them for you, you can’t just turn him down, can you?”

 There it was again, that unwelcome feeling in Kurt’s stomach as his eyes subconsciously trailed to the hickey once again. Kurt swallowed and felt his cheeks heat up as he looked to his coffee again, “Well, I’ll take your word on that one.”

 He felt Blaine’s eyes on him for a moment, “Kurt, I-“

 Kurt snapped his head up to meet Blaine’s gaze again, “Hey, I was going to ask, are you busy Saturday night?” he cut Blaine off, not really wanting to hear whatever conclusion he’d come to at Kurt’s blatant embarrassment.

 Blaine stared at him for a moment and Kurt felt like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole as Blaine seemed to read him like an open book.

 “Going outside of our usual coffee dates?” Blaine smirked at him playfully.

 “I’ve been to your shows before. I do believe **_those_** are out of our usual coffee.” Kurt retorted with a pointed look, “Now, Saturday night. Are you free?”

 Blaine hummed and seemed to wrack his brain, “Mmm, **_shit_**. No. Cooper and I have something going on. Do you want to hang out another night instead?”

 Kurt swallowed his disappointment, “Oh, its fine. I just have an extra ticket to something for Saturday so I thought you might want to go, but no worries.”

 Blaine reached across the table and squeezed Kurt’s hand apologetically, “Sorry, if I didn’t have something else going on I’d totally go.”

 Kurt nodded his acknowledgement and wracked his brain as to who he could bring as his plus-one to Rachel’s opening show Saturday evening.

* * *

“Holy shit Blainey, I can’t believe you wrote those numbers!” Cooper whisper shouted at Blaine as they sat at intermission.

 “ ** _Shhh_**!” Blaine shushed his brother, looking around and sighed in relief when no one seemed to hear, “Remember, **_I_** didn’t do shit. I shouldn’t have even told you, Coop. We just **_happened_** to score these tickets and the entrance to the after party; Coop, you’ve got to keep your cool about it.”

 “I’m sorry, they were just amazing songs! I’m proud of you.”

 Blaine smiled and opened his mouth to thank him when several girls stepped into the row behind them, tapping Cooper on the shoulder to ask for his autograph and photos. Blaine smiled and stood to stretch his legs with the little time left in intermission.

 As he meandered into the hall, Blaine couldn’t help the smile of pride on his face as several people cheered the music in their conversations. He suddenly felt the air leave his lungs as someone ran into him at full speed.

 “ ** _Oomph_** , excuse me,” Blaine said, massaging his chest and taking a deep breath before looking up to meet the eyes of the person he’d run into.

 “Watch it, Hobbit.” The Latina responded, looking down to her dress to ensure it had stayed in place, barely covering her breasts.

 “I’m sorry, are you all right?”

 The woman looked up, mouth open to retort when she met his gaze. She studied him for a moment before realization dawned on her face. Blaine thought she looked familiar but couldn’t quite place how.

 “Fucking **_perfect_** , wait ‘till Lady Lips hears about you being here.”

 Confusion coursed through Blaine as the hall lights blinked, signaling the end of intermission, “I’m sorry? What do you me-“

 “See ya later, asshole.”

  **XXXX**

 As Blaine and Cooper made it past the photographers, he still couldn’t figure out what the Latina had meant nor how he remembered her. Something in the woman’s fiery gaze and protectiveness over ‘Lady Lips’ made Blaine afraid to be on her bad side, even though he couldn’t figure out how he’d gotten there in the first place.

 Blaine stood next to Cooper, sipping his drink as Cooper chatted up every single person that would listen. All too soon, his cup was empty. He bumped Cooper’s elbow to silently inform him that he was going for a refill before walking towards the bar.

 As he walked, he spotted the Latina again, standing outside of the men’s room looking a cross between pissed off and sad. She sighed before screaming at the door, causing Blaine to jump as he passed.

 “ **OKAY PRETTY PONY, IT’S TIME TO COME OUT OF THE STABLE**! **BERRY IS GOING TO WALK THROUGH THOSE DOORS ANY SECOND AND YOU WILL _NOT_ RUIN TONIGHT FOR HER BECAUSE I _REFUSE_ TO LISTEN TO HER WHINE ON MY ONLY WEEKEND OFF OF WORK THAT I FLEW MY ASS OUT HERE TO SUPPORT BOTH OF YOU**! **YOU MADE IT THROUGH THE SHOW; YOU CAN MAKE IT THROUGH A FUCKING PARTY**! **STOP BEING A BITCH AND COME OUT OF THE DAMN BATHROOM BEFORE I COME IN THERE AND DRAGS YOUR ASS OUT**!”

 Blaine tried to ignore her as his drink was refilled, but couldn’t help overhearing. He thought **_he_** was on her bad list, the poor guy on the other side of the door didn’t stand a chance. Blaine quickly walked back to Cooper, ignoring the slowly opening door that allowed the woman to slip inside.

* * *

“All right, Hummel, you good to go?” Santana asked, wiping his face one last time with the damp paper towel.

 Kurt took another deep breath and nodded. His panic wasn’t totally gone, but it was controllable. He felt angry and embarrassed that he’d panicked from being in the crowd; especially with how well he’d been doing as of recently. He allowed Santana to give him a tight hug before they exited the bathroom. Kurt kept his head down but he could feel the eyes of several people staring at him as they walked. He knew Santana had created a scene and he was ashamed that it was on his account.

 “There they are! Kurt! Santana!” Rachel’s voice trilled out to them.

 Kurt looked up with a smile and met her gaze, not looking at those around them. He could see how happy she was and it made his heart warm. She’d **_killed_** her opening night and he was very proud of her.

 “Hey, Rach!” Kurt said as he hugged her, “You were **_amazing_**!”

 “Oh thank you Kurt!” Rachel said before turning to hug Santana, “Thanks for being here, both of you.”

 “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Berry,” Santana said and Kurt could tell she was trying really hard not to use all of her usual socially unacceptable names and he couldn’t help but giggle.

 “By the way, have you guys met Cooper Anderson?” Rachel segued, gesturing to the man standing directly next to Kurt without his realizing it.

 Cooper chuckled and Kurt couldn’t help the panic beginning to rise again, his two separate lives-his pre-Blaine life and his life as Blaine’s friend- were colliding and apparently there was nothing he could do to stop it.

 “Of course we have, we met at Blainey’s show last weekend.” Cooper said, slinging an arm around Kurt.

 Kurt felt his posture stiffen but he couldn’t hold back his smile as Rachel stopped breathing, her eyes bugging out of her head as she stared at the arm draped around Kurt’s shoulders.

 “I totally forgot you were Blaine’s brother, of course you’ve met.” Rachel said through a strangled throat as she continued to stare.

 “Hold up, hold up. Blainey as in Blaine the asshole musician?” Santana snarked on Kurt’s other side.

 “It was a bad night on my part and we’ve long since moved on and have become great friends,” A new voice joined the small circle.

 Kurt looked over to see Blaine, dressed to the nines in his theatre best, smiling shyly at him.

 “Hi Blaine,” Kurt breathed.

 “Hey Kurt,” Blaine replied before turning back to Santana, “I can see why you were annoyed by my presence earlier, but I promise things are good between me and Kurt again. No need to hate me any longer.”

 Kurt could feel himself beginning to shake as another person came up to congratulate Rachel before she was swept away to mingle with the rest of the party goers. Cooper must’ve felt it as the next thing Kurt knew he was sandwiched between both Anderson brothers and Blaine was humming the tune that he seemed to always hum to Kurt when he was beginning to panic ever since the day that Kurt had told him his life story. He could feel the soft melody sweeping over him and he concentrated on his breathing, slowing down everything around him to a manageable speed. He was choosing to ignore Santana bantering with Cooper; she didn’t give a damn that Cooper was in high demand in the room, she only cared that he’d taken Kurt away from her side moments before.

 “You okay?” Blaine whispered, turning Kurt to face him.

 Kurt met Blaine’s gaze and smiled softly, “Yeah, I guess it’s just scary having you and my other friends meet. It’s like I can’t compartmentalize anymore and I just need to get past that.”

 Blaine nodded slowly, “I understand that. Remember, I’m not going to hurt you, okay? Just because I’m meeting your other friends doesn’t really mean anything. It just means we know each other’s people. You already know mine, I’m glad to be meeting yours.”

 Kurt swallowed, “Okay.”

 The few moments of silence between the duo felt like an eternity.

 “So, you didn’t tell me your friend Rachel was Rachel Berry of Broadway fame.” Blaine remarked before taking a drink out of his glass.

 Kurt shrugged, “Just like you didn’t initially tell me your brother was of Sexiest Man Alive fame.”

 They both giggled, breaking through Santana and Cooper’s conversation.

 “Holy fuck, did you cause that damage there Lady Lips? I didn’t think you had it in you.” Santana remarked with an impressed look on her face.

 Kurt’s gaze immediately went to the hickey still brightly shining on Blaine’s neck, “No, Satan, that wasn’t my doing. Blaine and I are just friends, not **_kissing_** friends or **_fucking_** friends, just friends. Nothing more.”

 As Kurt finished he saw something flash in Blaine’s eyes, but it was gone quicker than he could make sense of what it was.

 “This is what I get for one too many drinks and a possessive one night stand.” Blaine remarked with a smirk, earning a high five from Santana, an eye roll from Cooper and a forced laugh from Kurt.

  **XXXX**

 The rest of the evening went by in a blur. Kurt found himself standing by Blaine’s side the entire evening, being mistaken for his boyfriend several times earning awkward glances and silences from the both of them each time. He was relieved when it finally reached a socially acceptable time to leave and go home to his warm bed. Santana was staying with him, so he practically had to drag her out of the venue when it was time to leave, earning several curious glances as they went, which did nothing to help Kurt’s uneasiness about the whole evening.

 As Kurt curled up next to Santana in bed a while later, all he could think about was how unnerving it had been to have his worlds collide and how nice it had been to spend the evening with Blaine. It all balanced out and that in and of itself scared Kurt; he was getting too close too fast with Blaine. Sure they’d shared their stories with each other and they’d been hanging out nearly every day, but the speed of which Blaine had wormed his way into Kurt’s soul with the ability to calm him down made him nervous and admittedly happy all the same. Blaine had shown his trustworthiness and Kurt was glad to have him at his side so he chose to push away the nerves for the time being and hoped it wouldn’t blow up in his face.


	11. Chapter 11

“So...Lady Lips?” Blaine questions with a laugh as soon as Kurt sits down in his side of the booth on Monday morning.

 Kurt groaned and shook his head, “That’s Santana for you,” He smiled appreciatively as Lily set his coffee in front of him, “She’s called me that, among a hundred other ridiculous nicknames, since high school.”

 Blaine couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as Kurt rolled his eyes, the shine in his eyes showed he wasn’t really annoyed with the woman.

 “It was nice to hang out on Saturday. I hadn’t realized you were going to the show.” Blaine said, smile widening at the blush dusting Kurt’s cheeks.

 “Well, I **_did_** offer for you to come; you just ‘had other plans with Coop’, which **_remarkably_** ended up being the same plans as me. That was nice of you to accompany him to the show and the stupid party afterwards. I never understood those things, but Rachel insists on my presence as her ‘best gay’.” Kurt rolled his eyes again.

 Blaine felt something twinge inside of him at Kurt’s assumption that it was **_Cooper_** who’d gotten him into the show and party. It wasn’t really Kurt’s fault, considering he had no way of knowing Blaine had connections to the show, but it still hurt for some reason.

 “Ah, actually **_I_** was the one who dragged Cooper with **_me_**. I scored some tickets and sort of forced him along to hang out since I knew he was going to be in town. I felt bad, but he seemed to enjoy himself.” Blaine shrugged and averted his gaze from Kurt’s questioning one.

 “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have presumed.” Kurt said quietly, and Blaine felt Kurt’s foot kick his softly as he shifted in his seat.

 Blaine shook his head and met Kurt’s gaze once again, “Its fine. Um, Rachel was really great, by the way. She’s very talented.”

 Kurt beamed at the mention of his friend and the wide smile warmed Blaine’s heart, making him want to keep that smile on the other man’s face forever. _‘Wait. What? No. Shut the fuck up. Focus.’_

 “-Knew she’d be something big someday.”

 Blaine nodded, “Her dress was gorgeous, too. Even Cooper noticed in a non-creepy way of trying to figure out how to get it off of her.” Blaine laughed, “It screamed ‘look at me, I just opened my first original role on Broadway’.”

 Kurt bit his lip and looked to his coffee, his shaking hands closing tightly around the cup. He took a slow breath, as though trying to hide his growing panic. Blaine caught it and opened his mouth to ask what was wrong when Kurt’s voice drifted to him so softly he was almost sure he’d heard wrong.

 “Thank you.”

 Blaine blinked at him, confused, “I’m sorry?”

 Kurt took another deep breath and lifted his gaze to Blaine’s again, “I said thank you. I designed the dress and made it for her a long time ago. It was the last thing I’ve ever designed. She had been saving it for a special occasion and apparently last night was it.” Kurt shrugged, “I also did Santana’s dress. It was her Tolo dress our Senior Year and she has since...enhanced several parts of herself, making an already edgy ensemble all the more revealing. She likes her outfits that way though.”

 Blaine could feel how wide his eyes were and that his mouth was slightly open in shock, but he couldn’t seem to pull himself together. Both of the dresses the women wore were absolutely stunning and Blaine was blown away by Kurt’s talent.

 “ ** _Kurt_**. They were stunning! You have such a great talent! Oh my god. Please tell me Rachel gave you credit when she did her interviews that night?” Blaine said, reaching across to squeeze Kurt’s hand, but came up empty when Kurt shifted back on his bench, withdrawing his hands to his lap.

 “Blaine,” Kurt took a shaky breath, “I appreciate that you like them, but I don’t need people knowing I designed them.”

 Blaine felt bewildered, “What? Why?”

 Kurt met Blaine’s gaze and Blaine could see the unshed tears shining in his eyes, “B-because I don’t want to be recognized like that. I don’t want people to know me.”

 Blaine’s heart broke as he realized just why Kurt didn’t want the recognition. _‘I could kill that stupid fucker. Kurt deserves the spotlight.’_

 “I’m sorry, Kurt. I just...you’re really talented. Maybe someday you’ll continue designing because you **_should_** , but I get it. I’m sorry I overstepped.”

 Kurt shook his head, “You didn’t. It’s fine.”

 Blaine sucked his lips in and nodded, a silence enveloping over them. A thick air settled between them that Blaine wasn’t sure how to fix. He sat back and studied the other man for a moment.

 “Well, can I make it up to you? You could come over and I’ll make you dinner tonight?” Blaine offered.

 Kurt bit his lip and shifted in his seat, “Um, I actually already have plans with Rachel. She’s taking me out with some of her cast members. Apparently there’s this guy she wants me to meet that would ‘absolutely be perfect for you! Especially now that you’re getting out more, Kurt!’” Kurt mimicked her voice with a laugh. Blaine tried to ignore the stabbing in his stomach that had appeared for no reason. _‘Must be the hashbrowns, they were greasier than normal.’_ “She knows I’m not interested in dating, and that I’ll probably leave within fifteen minutes, but I promised to make an appearance.”

 Blaine’s eyes narrowed as his brain repeated a certain sentence that he couldn’t figure out why stuck out to him so much.

 “You don’t want to date?” Blaine blurted, not even having planned to actually ask.

 Kurt sucked in a breath and turned to pick up the strap on his messenger bag, “Um, no. Imagine me trying to date. N-no. Plus no one w-would want me. S-so. No. I gotta go.”

 He was up and out of the diner in a flash. Blaine sighed and ran a hand over his face. _‘Why the fuck do I even care?! Shit.’_

 He pulled out his phone and frowned as he typed, ignoring the pulling in his stomach that he’d let Kurt down by freaking him out.

  ** _TO KURT: I’m sorry. I feel like this whole coffee meeting didn’t go as well as usual. I didn’t mean to freak you out. It was just a question. Plus any guy would be lucky to date you; you’re a good guy Kurt. Good luck tonight, if you want to talk later I’ll have my phone on._**

* * *

As Kurt sat at the table that evening between Rachel and Paul, the guy she’d wanted Kurt to meet, his mind kept drifting back to his conversation with Blaine that morning and the subsequent text he’d received. He felt betrayed that Blaine had pushed issues that he knew were sensitive, but also knew that Blaine was just trying to help him and all of those thoughts combined just left Kurt confused.

 “So, Rachel tells me you’re also from Ohio. What brought you to the big city?” Paul asked, resting his hand on Kurt’s forearm.

 Kurt squirmed his arm out from under the man’s hand, and shrugged. He couldn’t tell this guy anything. He would only use it against him. He’d turn around and hurt him. Kurt was barely okay with Blaine; new guys weren’t going to happen.

“Kurt moved out here to escape Lima, as anyone should,” Rachel butted in from Kurt’s other side, a few drinks to the wind and filter nearly gone, “He’s got enormous potential as a fashion designer you know!” Kurt felt his heart rate speeding up, he nudged Rachel in hopes of stopping her, “He even designed my dress from opening night!”

 Kurt’s throat was suddenly extremely dry as he fought his rapid breathing. He took a gulp of the new drink in front of him, not really caring how it got there, presuming it was Rachel’s doing, and immediately sputtered at the sting of alcohol burning his throat.

 “You did?” Paul asked, grabbing Kurt’s hand and squeezing in excitement, “That dress was **_gorgeous_**! I’d love to see more of your designs sometime!”

 Kurt gulped and tried to remove his hand, only to have it held tightly in the other man’s grasp.

 “P-please let go.” He whispered.

 Paul frowned at him but let his hand go, “Um, so what else don’t I know about you? I already know you’re gorgeous, are incredibly talented and really know how to dress yourself,” He looked Kurt over as best he could from their seated positions and Kurt immediately regretted allowing Rachel to talk him into wearing one of his more fashion focused outfits, “I guess what’s left to know is whether or not you’re single?”

 “Uh, um, I-I,” Kurt stammered, shifting in his seat as panic spread through him more with every passing second.

 He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying desperately to remember the tune that Blaine hummed to him in moments like these. He wished more than anything Blaine were at his side at that moment. That realization only made Kurt fall further into his panic.

 “Oh, he’s very much single. You boys should go on a date! You would look **_adorable_** together!” Rachel chimed in, nudging Kurt and almost spilling her drink in the process.

 “Mm, how about it, Kurt? Do you want to get dinner with me sometime?” Paul asked, leaning in to murmur the words in Kurt’s ear.

 Kurt jumped at the proximity and stood abruptly from his seat, “N-no. I have to g-go.”

 Kurt turned and ran out of the bar, not looking back as he felt the shocked gazes of several of the people he’d been sharing the table with following his actions.

 After several turns on neighboring streets, Kurt sunk into a ball against a wall of a random building. It felt oddly reminiscent of the night Blaine had chased after him after their misunderstanding in the bar. The thought of Blaine made Kurt curl in on himself more; the need to be calmed by him and the fear of his knowing which buttons to push and just how to push them made Kurt’s brain hurt. He realized he couldn’t rely on Blaine. Blaine would only hurt him. It was only a matter of time.

* * *

Blaine checked his phone one last time as he entered the building to Jared’s office. Kurt hadn’t called or texted the night before, nor that morning and hadn’t shown up to coffee. Sure, it wasn’t like they’d guaranteed they’d meet every day, but thus far if one or the other wouldn’t be showing up they’d let each other know. The silence was unnerving to Blaine, especially with the way Kurt had left the day before.

 He pocketed his phone and sighed as he waited to be called into Jared’s office. He knew this meeting wasn’t going to be pretty, and the added stress with Kurt simply didn’t help anything.

 “Blaine?” Blaine looked up to the nice young woman who had called his name, “Jared is ready for you. Go on in.”

 “Thanks,” He smiled at her before walking into the office.

 Upon entering, he saw a deep frown already set on Jared’s face. He sat down and waited, knowing that Jared would want the first word.

 “Blaine,” He sighed, “I know we’ve talked on the phone a couple of times over the past week, but I feel like we’ve gotten nowhere. We need to figure this out.”

 Blaine nodded, “I completely agree, Jared,” He took a deep breath and sat up straight in his chair, Kurt’s voice of not letting Jared push him around was echoing through his brain, “You haven’t been supporting my want of doing my own music and becoming my own performer. I know you haven’t been pushing the big labels like you should be. Not to mention you always pushing me to write for others when I’ve told you I’m not interested in that anymore. I need to focus on myself and getting my own name and music heard. I need you to support me in this, Jared. You’ve been very good to me all these years and I hate that you’re not supporting this.”

 Jared rubbed a frustrated hand over his face, “I’m so fucking sick of this conversation, Blaine. I’ve been working my ass off trying to get you signed but you turn down every fucking offer that comes your way. **_You’re_** the one who apparently doesn’t give a shit about this.”

 “That’s because those deals were shit!” Blaine retorted angrily, his voice raising.

 Jared leaned forward, an angry glint in his eye, “Look Blaine, those deals were the best you can fucking get. It is **_beyond_** disappointing to me that you turned them down. Yeah, I said it, you have **_disappointed_** me,” Blaine swallowed as everything in him went into full panic mode, skipping over the initial warning signs, “I work my ass off to get you signed and you act like a fucking prick and turn them down. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Do you? I invite people to hear you with a promise of having an excellent shot at my best client and you fucking turn them down. You’re digging your own grave here, Blaine and I am ** _this_** close to throwing in the towel with you.” Jared leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest, “I can’t believe I’ve wasted this much time on this matter. I’m disappointed in myself, but more so in you. **_Fuck_**.”

 Everything was spinning around Blaine. His breathing was out of control and his head was killing him. He was shaking and felt on the verge of vomiting. His brain couldn’t focus on anything except the ringing in his ears and the word _disappointment_ screaming in his brain.

 “I-I,” Blaine tried to speak, but only ended up in a coughing fit with how dry his throat was.

 He needed Kurt. Kurt knew how to help him calm quickly.

 He absolutely could not rely on Kurt to be there because Blaine didn’t need anyone. He needed to take care of himself just as he’d done for years. Relying on people and letting them in only led to disaster.

 “Blaine, stop making this such a big fucking deal. Either you get ready to accept the next offer on our doorstep or we will have to renegotiate what direction you’re heading in.” Jared said icily, “Now get the fuck out of my office so I can talk to someone who actually wants to do something with their career.”

 Blaine stood shakily, fumbling blindly for the door handle and made his way outside, ignoring the sweet woman from reception calling out to him.

 He stumbled around the corner and collapsed to the ground.


	12. Chapter 12

“ ** _Ugh_**! **STOP CALLING**!!” Kurt screamed at his phone where it was buzzing on his coffee table.

 It had been buzzing nearly nonstop since earlier in the evening and Kurt couldn’t bring himself to answer any of Blaine’s calls. He couldn’t allow himself to be trapped into being hurt.

 The phone buzzed again and Kurt glared at it; upon seeing that it was a number not stored in his phone Kurt bit his lip. _‘How did someone else get my number? What the hell is going on? Why am I being targeted?’_

 Kurt swallowed and swiped his finger across the screen, answering the call.

 He slowly raised the phone to his ear, “H-hello?”

 “So you’ll fucking answer for someone you don’t know over my brother? **_Awesome_**. Glad to see where your loyalties lie.”

 Kurt’s brows furrowed in confusion, his body began to shake as the sweeping panic began to spread through him. _‘Who’s brother? What?! What’s going on?!’_

 “W-what?”

 A deep sigh was exhaled straight into the phone, “This is Cooper Anderson, Blaine’s brother and third sexiest man alive.”

 Kurt’s eyes widened in understanding, “Oh, um, hi.”

 “Again, why the fuck didn’t you answer for my brother? Do you know how hard it was for him to suck up the courage to call?!”

 Kurt swallowed and closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths, “I can’t talk to him. I-I,” Kurt couldn’t explain to Cooper, he’d only hurt him also, even worse than Blaine, “Why are you calling?”

 There was a pause, “Blaine collapsed outside of Jared’s office today,” Kurt’s eyes widened and his pulse sped to a sprint, his entire body shaking all over again, “The receptionist found him and called 911. They’re keeping him overnight because he hit his head pretty hard and they need to make sure he didn’t fuck himself up too bad but he should be fine.”

 Kurt couldn’t calm down his breathing as his phone nearly slipped from his shaky grasp, “Th-that’s good he’ll be fine.”

 There was a sound of acknowledgement coming from Cooper before another heavy sigh, “At first he refused to call you when I told him to. You’re the only person, aside from Jared, that I’d trust to be by his side and considering Jared is the cause of Blaine’s panic attack earlier, it left us with you. I obviously can’t be there right now because I’m on location and I don’t know when I’ll be able to fly out there again. What happened that you’re refusing his calls and he was reluctant to call you? What happened?!”

 Kurt took a deep breath as his stomach dropped out. _‘He’s done talking to me? He doesn’t want me anymore? I knew he’d do this. I shouldn’t have trusted him. It was only a matter of time.’_

 “Uh, I didn’t want to talk because I am t-trying to work through some things. He j-just doesn’t want me, I guess.” Kurt replied, trying to ignore the aching in his heart.

 “ ** _Oh my god_** ,” Was sighed across the line, “You both need to look at yourselves and each other. He needs you as much as you need him. You both want the other person to be there; and understandably Blaine is freaked the fuck out by this, and you’re apparently in the same boat, but you both need to suck it up and be there for each other. It’s only hurting you both by ignoring everything. Got it?”

 An overwhelming feeling swept over Kurt, “Um.”

 “Good,” He was cut off by Cooper, “Now, can you get your ass to the hospital or are you going to be yet another person who has let my brother down?”

 Kurt took several deep breaths, ignoring the internal voice telling him to run, “I’ll go.”

 “Good. I’ll text you the details.”

 “Okay.”

 “Oh, and Kurt? Don’t give out my number but keep it in case of emergency with Blaine.”

 Kurt swallowed as he stood to find his shoes, “O-okay.”

 “Okay. Give Blaine a hug for me and let me know how he’s doing.”

 “Okay.”

 “Bye, Kurt.”

 “Bye, Cooper.”

 Kurt hung up his phone, pocketed it and went looking for his shoes. Once he found them, his pocket buzzed with a text. _‘The hospital details.’_ As Kurt laced up his shoes, all he could do was try and stamp down his panic at the realization of what he was headed to do. It seemed like a big step for some reason and he couldn’t help the need to run away as fast as possible. As he stood after taking yet another deep breath he headed out the door knowing he was doing something extremely difficult, but extremely necessary, if only to help Blaine for just one evening.

* * *

Blaine glared at the door to his hospital room. He hated that the doctors were keeping him there. Sure, he could leave against their advice, but Cooper had bitched him out for an hour for simply thinking about doing so. Then, Kurt had to ignore every single call and while things the day before had ended rocky, and Blaine was already anxious about relying on Kurt, he never thought Kurt would ignore him if he’d called several times consecutively. It was taxing on the already thin ice he was skating with the other man. _‘He has given the fuck up, maybe I should too. I knew better than to trust him, to let him in.’_

 The door slowly opened, revealing a very pale and shaking Kurt. Blaine sat up rapidly in his bed, confusion coursing through him.

 “H-hey, Blaine,” Kurt said in a soft voice, looking at the floor directly in front of him and staying just inside the doorframe.

 Blaine bit his lip as he stared at the other man. He was obviously shaken at having to be there and Blaine didn’t want to be a burden to him; but, he was **_there_** , right in front of Blaine, out of both of their comfort zones, taking the time to care enough to visit him in the hospital. _‘Wait...’_

 “How did you know where I was? You didn’t answer any of my calls.”

 Kurt shifted in his spot, still staring at the ground, “Sorry. I just...I’ve been trying to...think since yesterday and...Cooper,” Kurt took a deep breath, “He called me and I didn’t recognize the number so I picked up. He told me you were here and...well, he told me I should come see you. I-I **_wanted_** to see you; to see if you’re all right.”

 Blaine frowned; Kurt still wasn’t looking at him, just looking to the ground and he had been convinced to come by Cooper. He didn’t **_want_** to be there at all.

 “Kurt, I’m fine. They just have to keep me because of my head. Thanks for coming though.” He said, turning to face away as the nagging began in his stomach, “I’m sorry you had to waste your time and make the trip down here. I’m sorry that Cooper called and probably bullied you into it. I’m fine though.”

 There was a sharp intake of breath and Blaine turned to see Kurt staring at him with a hand over his mouth and watery eyes. He was shaking even worse than he had been and his breathing was becoming short. Blaine frowned at him, unsure as to what exactly caused him to slide fully into panic mode.

 “What is it?” Kurt shook his head and took a step back, “Kurt?” Blaine was concerned that something he had done or said caused the reaction, but he couldn’t figure out **_what_** exactly and it was frustrating, “Kurt, what is it?”

 “I-I’m sorry. I-I can’t d-do this.”

 Blaine frowned even further as Kurt took another hesitant step backward. He sat up turned to swing his legs off the bed to walk to the other man, but Kurt just shook his head one last time and ran from the room.

 Blaine sat back with a sigh. His heart felt hollow, but it wasn’t due to panic; he felt abandoned. Obviously he’d done something to Kurt, but the man had come all the way to the hospital and upon seeing Blaine decided he wasn’t worth his time. He’d walked out with one look. _‘Fuck this! I don’t need anyone.’_

 Blaine leaned back into his bed and shut his phone off, curling up in a ball and tried to will away the hollow beating of his heart.

  **XXXX**

 The next day, Blaine was released from the hospital feeling worse than he had the day before; not physically, emotionally. He went home and sat down to reevaluate his life, his trusty notebook by his side. He stared out at the city and came to a few realizations; Kurt didn’t want him around because he was too much of a burden, Jared would never support his drive towards becoming his own artist, and he could never rely on anyone and he’d been stupid to even try. It was time for him to make some changes.

 He picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he reached Jared’s name. He pressed his thumb down and sat back with his phone to his ear, lounging into the large couch.

 “This had better be good, Blaine. What do you want?” Jared’s frustrated voice came down the line.

 Blaine took a deep breath and tried to block out the echoing _‘disappointment’_ that flooded his brain from the day before.

 “Jared, I need you to be completely honest with me. Are you going to support my decision to branch out on my own or not?”

 “I don’t think it’s a good move for you. You make enough money as it is as a writer. You don’t need the fame to go with it.” Jared snapped at him.

 Blaine frowned, “It isn’t about the **_fame_** ; it’s about playing the music that I write and getting the feedback firsthand.”

 A frustrated sigh came down the line, “I support you Blaine, but it’s not a good decision. And **_you_** need to remember not to turn your back on what you can actually make money on. And you can’t keep turning these offers down, it’s not like the big companies are knocking on your door so go with one of these guys that **_actually_** want you. Got it?”

 “Their stipulations are-“

 “Fair.” Jared cut him off sharply.

 Blaine felt anger boiling within him, “No they aren’t. You know that I’m done writing for others so I refuse to put that as a possibility in my contracts. I am who I am and I won’t let them change me.”

 “Take a look around, Blaine, none of the big companies that you are aiming for want you. It’s time to look at the facts. If this is what you really want to do, you sometimes have to take a hit to the pride. It’s just the way it is. Surely you’ve been in the business long enough to realize that?”

 “ **NO**! I will not sacrifice **_anything_** for this. I’ve made enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life without taking on anything else. If I can’t do this my way then I guess I’m done.” Blaine responded, his patience gone.

 “Just think it over. Don’t call it quits yet. I’m just giving you the facts.”

 The call ended before Blaine could respond. He removed his phone from his ear and glared at it. A sudden idea hit him and he opened his web browser to look up the right phone number. Upon finding it, he pressed the call button.

 The phone rang several times, making him more anxious with every passing ring. When it finally connected a cheery girl was on the other end.

 “Rocket Records how may I help you?”

 Rocket Records was **_the_** record label. This was the label Blaine had been shooting for and never expected to get. Anyone who was anyone was signed to this label. He needed answers.

 “Sonja Halloway, please.” Blaine answered, biting his lip as he waited to be connected.

 A moment later the stars aligned.

 “Sonja Halloway.” The rough voice of a woman who had smoked for far too long came down the line.

 “Yes, hello. My name is Blaine Anderson and I sent-“

 “ ** _Wait_**. Blaine Anderson? I recognize your name, one second.”

 Confusion coursed through Blaine, “Sure.”

 Sure enough, a moment later, “Holy...okay, I have your file pulled up. Is there a reason why you haven’t responded to our multiple requests to meet with you to negotiate a contract? We’re on our last limb with you; I, personally, have been fighting to keep your name going in our meetings. What is going on that you’re not responding to us after sending us multiple copies of your very impressive demo, Mr. Anderson?”

 Blaine’s blood ran cold as her words sunk in. _‘What the fuck is she talking about?’_

 “Um, I’m s-sorry?” He stammered.

 “We’ve been trying to get in contact with you through a...Mr. Jared Strong. He’d initially told us he’d call us back as he was entering a meeting and when we hadn’t heard from him we called back. He said he’d speak to you and get back to us. Since then, we’ve tried multiple ways of contacting him to no avail. Do you no longer wish to be part of the Rocket Records family, Mr. Anderson?”

 Blaine could feel the look of shock covering his face. Jared had lied to him and to the label. He’d lied to **_Rocket Records_** and put Blaine’s name in shame by not getting back in a timely fashion. He’d essentially sabotaged Blaine’s future as a recording artist for...what?

 “I’m so sorry; I had never gotten word that you wanted to meet with me. Of course I want to be part of the Rocket Records family. Can I ask, how long have you been trying to get hold of me?”

 “A couple of months; since we first got your demo. You have a huge talent, Mr. Anderson and that’s the reason we’ve put so much effort into getting you on board. We **_need_** an artist like you.”

 Blaine gaped, “I-I, yes, um, can I arrange a meeting with someone? I’d like to talk about a contract with your label. You want me, like, to record and perform and everything right? You don’t just want me to write for others on your label?”

 Sonja laughed warmly, “No, Mr. Anderson; we want you to record your own music. The other artists are capable of writing their own material or, with our help, seek out fully capable writers. If you choose to write for others that’s on you, but we are interested in having you record and, yes, perform.”

 Excitement mixed with anger flooded through Blaine; excitement at the reality of achieving his dreams and anger at Jared for trying to sabotage it. _‘Holy fuck. This is all actually happening!’_

 “P-please, call me Blaine. Also, can you put a note not to contact Jared regarding me any longer? I can send you all of my personal contact information; I’d like that to be my means of communication with you guys now, if that’s okay?”

 “Sure, Blaine. Just send me an email with all of your information. My email is S dot Halloway at rr dot com.” Blaine frantically wrote that down in his notebook, “Now, about making an appointment, we’d like to get this underway as soon as possible, would tomorrow at one pm work for you?”

 Blaine’s heart stopped in his chest, “Um, yeah, yes. That’s perfect. I will be there. Thank you so much, Ms. Halloway-“

 “Sonja.”

 “Right, Sonja. Thank you for fighting for me. I’m so sorry about the wait.”

 “I’m glad you called, Blaine. We will see you tomorrow. Don’t forget to send me your contact information, okay?”

 “Okay. Thanks again. See you tomorrow.”

 The call ended and Blaine sat, staring at his phone in shock for several minutes. Slowly, reality sank in and he knew he had another call to make. He scrolled through once again and pressed the name, bringing the phone to his ear.

 “What now, Blaine?”

 “Jared, I just talked to Rocket Records representative Sonja Halloway.” Blaine stated.

 “Um.”

 “Save it. You haven’t been supportive, you’ve almost fucking sabotaged me! You were only worried about keeping me out of the spotlight so I’d write more stupid songs for other people because you get a huge ass kickback from their representatives; don’t think I don’t know that. Jared, I’m so fucking done with you. You’re fired.”

 “You little sh-“

 “Send me anything you need me to sign, but our work together is finished. Goodbye, Jared.”

 Blaine ended the call before Jared could respond. As the anger dissolved, he sunk back into the couch as the full reality of everything that had happened over the previous twenty four hours washed over him, leaving him swirling in a sea of emotions without an anchor to hold on to.

* * *

It had been nearly a month since Kurt had gone to visit Blaine in the hospital. Though Blaine wasn’t in critical condition of any sort, seeing the other man in the hospital, gown and all, instantly made something snap inside of Kurt. All he could think about and picture was Blaine dying in some way while lying weakly in a hospital bed, leaving Kurt all alone once again. He’d gotten too attached, too reliant on the other man; it was time to step away before Blaine stepped away from him.

 So, he’d spent the month working his ass off and earning himself more shifts. While he’d been angry with Rachel for pushing the subject with Paul so hard that night at the bar, he’d quickly forgiven her and had spent excessive amounts of time with her trying to fill a Blaine-sized void in his life.

 He’d gone to one of Blaine’s shows, where he’d been happy to learn of his deal with Rocket Records when he’d announced it to the crowd, but he hadn’t stuck around to talk after. He’d seen Blaine looking intently at each face of the front several rows and Kurt had been glad to have gotten a seat near the back of the bar. He really enjoyed Blaine’s music and he’d wanted to support his...old friend, but he didn’t want to put himself through another goodbye.

 Blaine had tried contacting him the first couple of days after his release from the hospital, but Kurt didn’t answer. For both his and Blaine’s sakes, he just let him go cold turkey; like taking off a band-aide, just rip it off quickly to lessen the sting.

 Kurt was struggling with his renewed isolation, even with his excessive work and time with Rachel. Something was missing from his life; **_someone_** was missing from his life. Getting through his days without the usual chatter with Blaine was hard. He’d even stopped going to the diner in fear of running into the other man. He nursed his coffee at home every morning, reading the latest news or a novel but he’d eventually find himself sighing at the silence surrounding him. He’d gone into self-preservation mode and while it really was for the best, it didn’t make it hurt any less.

  **XXXX**

 Kurt was seated with Rachel at a small coffee shop near her theatre one day, grabbing a quick cup before she had to hit rehearsal on a scene that hadn’t been as tight the night before as it needed to be. She had been giving him funny looks all morning and finally Kurt couldn’t take it any longer.

 “ ** _What_**?!” He hissed at her, not wanting to bring the attention of other coffee drinkers to their table.

 Rachel shrugged, “Nothing.”

 She looked at him with eyes that showed it wasn’t really ‘nothing’ and was waiting for him to ask for clarification. He sighed and realized he’d have to play her game to get answers.

 “You’ve been shooting me looks all morning, what is it?”

 She sighed dramatically and flopped back in her chair, “You’re right Kurt, I’m sorry. You just seem... ** _different_** lately. A little off. Is everything all right?”

 Kurt frowned at the woman, annoyed that she could read him so easily, “Yes, Rachel, everything is fine,” He lied.

 She studied him for a moment before leaning forward and placing a hand on his wrist, “How’s Blaine?”

 Kurt cringed. He hadn’t told her that they weren’t spending time together any longer because he knew she’d end up grilling him and making him feel guilty when she learned it was actually **_his_** doing.

 “Um, I don’t know. I haven’t seen or spoken to him in a month.”

 She narrowed her eyes in confusion, “But you went to his show like two weeks ago.”

 Kurt sighed, “Yeah, but I didn’t talk to him; I just went to hear him play.”

 Rachel frowned at him, “Isn’t that a little weird though?”

 “Probably,” Kurt shrugged, “I don’t know, I just wanted to be there I guess. I like his music so why not?”

 “Why aren’t you talking anymore? I thought you guys were getting super close?”

 Kurt bit his lip, “I just...he was in the hospital and,” At Rachel’s gasp he held up his hand for her not to interrupt, “He was fine, he fell. **_Anyway_** , I went to see him and just had this vision and I couldn’t have him leave me, Rach. I-I can’t be hurt by him.”

 He wiped at a tear that he hadn’t realized had fallen. He blinked hard as his bottom lip trembled at his attempts to ward off any more tears.

 “Oh Kurt,” Rachel rubbed the wrist she was still holding, “So you hurt him before he could hurt you?”

  _‘Ah, there’s the famous Rachel Berry guilt trip.’_

 “I was just trying to protect us both. Rachel, I just...I can’t be that close to someone. Something bad will happen.”

 “You don’t know that! Maybe you guys were supposed to help each other, be there for each other. Maybe things would have been okay.”

 Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as he noticed several people looking at him to try and figure out why he was crying.

 “I guess we’ll never know.”

 Rachel rolled her eyes at sat back in her chair, releasing his wrist, “You know, Kurt, seeing you when you’d been with Blaine earlier in the day, or seeing you actually with him at the party for ‘Running From Nothing’, showed me the Kurt Hummel I’d missed for all these years. You were **_happy_**. I miss the Kurt who told me my sweaters are ugly and sang loud and proud with me. I miss the guy who’d spend hours poring over a line of clothing that would someday walk New York Fashion Week. Blaine brought out a glimmer of the Kurt I love and I’m sad to see him gone; both Blaine and the happier version of you. You deserve happiness, Kurt. I’m sad you don’t believe that.”

 With that, Rachel stood and placed a kiss on his cheek before strolling out of the coffee shop as though she hadn’t just said the most significant thing Kurt had heard in years.

* * *

Blaine felt lost. He couldn’t exactly figure out why he felt so off kilter; more so he didn’t want to admit to why he felt so off kilter. He hated that Kurt had just chosen to walk out of his life without so much as a goodbye. Blaine had considered going to the store where Kurt worked and trying to talk to him, but decided against it. Kurt had decided Blaine wasn’t worth his time and it was high time Blaine moved forward. He hated admitting how deeply Kurt had affected him both for the better when they were together and for the worse when he decided not to be around Blaine anymore.

 He’d spent the previous month working hard on his album, recording the few songs he felt were up to par and working hard to complete the others. He was nowhere near finished, but he felt accomplished with how far he’d gotten. Firing Jared had been the best decision in a long time. He’d gotten bigger gigs, while still playing a couple smaller bars for fun, and felt free to do what he wanted with his music without disappointing anyone. He’d even said no to a client he’d written for in the past and it felt great to finally put his foot down.

 He’d also spent the previous month getting back into his old ways of controlling his life. While he’d been hanging out with Kurt he hadn’t gone out to the club or hooked up with anyone after his shows. He hadn’t really felt a need or want to. That lack of want had changed the first weekend after coming home from the hospital. He’d treated himself to a night out to celebrate being signed and ended up in bed with the best looking guy in the club, walking out the minute they’d finished. He was back in control of his life, not letting anyone close and getting laid in the process. It should have been perfect.

 Every day as Blaine made his way towards the diner his mind and soul conflicted as to whether or not he’d hoped Kurt would show up that day. At every gig, Blaine searched the crowd for the other man before realizing what he had been doing and began searching for the guy he’d end up with for the night. He hated that Kurt still lived within his soul when he clearly hadn’t wanted anything to do with Blaine any longer. It didn’t help with Cooper asking questions about the other man’s whereabouts and about Blaine’s apparent mood swing for the worse; he just didn’t want to deal with anything.

  **XXXX**

 Blaine sighed as he sat in the diner. Lily smiled shyly at him as she sat down his coffee.

 “You okay? Too much to drink last night?” Lily asked with a wink.

 He shook his head, “I’m fine and I didn’t drink last night. I’m just...I’m fine.”

 Lily nodded slowly, looking to the empty bench across from Blaine for a moment before turning back to him, “What happened to Kurt? I haven’t seen him lately. Did you guys break up or something?”

 Blaine felt his heart sink in his chest, “We weren’t dating, Lil. I don’t know where he’s been, we haven’t talked in a while.”

 She nodded again, seemingly understanding his hope for her to drop the subject, “Okay, well, enjoy your coffee.”

 She walked away and Blaine opened his notebook to the page he’d been writing in during the subway ride to the diner. He hummed under his breath as he heard the song playing in his mind. The tune was the melody he’d always hummed to Kurt when he’d been having a hard time. Blaine couldn’t figure out why it had stuck out so hard in his mind that morning as something he **_had_** to write as a contender for the album, but he did it anyway, if only to calm his brain.

 He continued humming and writing, ignoring the bell over the door as someone entered the diner. He heard Lily let out a small noise and smiled to himself as he continued to work. _‘Must be some famous person, she never is able to hold herself together when anyone famous walks in. Ah, fuck, it must be Cooper. Well, act surprised.’_

 Someone stopped next to Blaine’s table and he tried to ignore the person, focusing in on his work. After several minutes, the person shifted in their spot.

 “I-I recognize that, are you using it for your album?” A familiar voice drifted over Blaine.

 He stopped writing midword and slowly lifted his gaze to meet Kurt’s brilliant blue-green eyes which were full of emotions, too many to name. He was shifting uneasily in his spot as he wrung his hands together and bit his lip. Blaine’s stomach tightened and his brain screamed at him to run and protect himself from being hurt again. He needed to take care of himself, not let the other man back in.

 Blaine shrugged, “Maybe. I haven’t decided,” he said, not leaving room for further questioning.

 Kurt nodded and took a cautious step towards the bench on the other side of the table, “D-do you mind if I sit?”


	13. Chapter 13

Blaine stared at Kurt as his mind battled. He really wanted answers to Kurt’s behavior but he still felt abandoned and had only recently finally gotten past that **_he’d_** obviously done something to cause Kurt to panic. He wasn’t sure the continued pain was worth it. He met Kurt’s blue-green eyes again and something within him melted; he nodded slowly and warmth spread through his body at the relieved sigh that escaped Kurt’s lips. Blaine shook himself and sat straight again, ignoring the warmth for the other man.

“How did you know about my album?” Blaine asked as Kurt got settled, smiling his thanks to a shocked Lily as she set his coffee in front of him.

Kurt bit his lip and studied his coffee for a moment, “I came to one of your shows and you announced it.” He said quietly.

Blaine was shocked to hear of his attendance, he hadn’t spoken to Kurt since before he’d gotten signed, “You didn’t stick around to talk to me?”

Kurt shook his head, “I...I’m sorry for what I did, running away, I-I needed...I’m sorry.”

Blaine watched as Kurt took several deep breaths, “I just don’t know what I did.” Blaine offered as a starting point.

Kurt snapped his gaze up to meet Blaine’s, “W-what?”

Blaine shrugged, trying to keep his emotions in check, “I obviously did something to make you run away, **_twice_** , so...I guess I’d like to know what the hell it was.”

Kurt curled in on himself, shaking his head, “Blaine...you...it wasn’t your fault. I mean...the first time it was what we were talking about a-and I know you were trying to help...but the second time...”

“Why don’t you start with the first time?”

Kurt nodded, “Um, so, remember we were talking about R-Rachel’s dress? And Santana’s?” Blaine nodded, “Okay, um, you said something about pursuing it and...well, I-I just...I **_can’t_** and we had talked about it and you were trying to inspire me b-but I couldn’t handle it. I-“

“But why **_can’t_** you? I’m not trying to push you, I’m just curious. Kurt, you have an amazing talent and...it deserves to be seen.” Blaine said, leaning back in his booth seat.

Kurt swallowed, “If I were to make it into the industry I’d be...noticed and I can’t be noticed.”

“Why not?”

When Kurt looked up again, Blaine saw the hurt written all over his expression and he felt sorry that he’d put it there, but he also knew this was important for Kurt to see that it **_was_** okay to be recognized for his work. He hated the asshole who made Kurt afraid to be seen, but also felt a growing need to help Kurt begin to step out of the hardened shell he had around himself.

“You know why,” Kurt said quietly, “Plus, my designs aren’t great anyway so it doesn’t matter.”

Blaine sighed, “You don’t know that. What I’ve seen was amazing and I’m sure somewhere inside of you there is more where that came from.” Kurt bit his lip as his chin began to quiver, “I’m just saying, think about it.”

Kurt nodded, “Anyway, so...that mixed with...dating. W-we...you asked about me dating and...it scared me.”

“How so? Like...I get that actually dating might be...difficult with your past, but talking about whether or not you’d ever date again...I thought that would be okay.” Blaine said, not wanting to let this go quite yet, simultaneously knowing he should apologize for pushing the other man.

“I-it shouldn’t be but...that’s only pa-part of why I...freaked out.” Kurt admitted, “I was scared to talk about it but also...I kind of... wasn’t? Like, I knew it’d be okay talking with-with **_you_** and...that really scared me.”

“Just like when we first were getting to know each other?” Blaine inquired, Kurt nodded in reply, “Well...I’m sorry for pushing you to the point of panic, but I really do think you’re talented and I get where you’re coming from but...it still doesn’t explain why you didn’t answer my calls when I was-“

“ ** _Please_** , just...” Kurt took a deep breath, “That was...I was t-trying to come to terms with...what had happened not only from our talk but I’d had a difficult night with Rachel and...seeing you in the hospital r-reminded me that...it’s so easy for you to leave me. Both by choice and...not. A-and the fact that I got so worked up by that j-just...I can’t rely on you; n-not because you give me reason not to trust you, b-but because eventually everyone leaves. And-“

“Rachel and Santana haven’t. I wish you’d give me a chance.”

Kurt frowned at his mug, “I wish you’d give me one also.”

Blaine felt like he’d been slapped without any cause or warning, “I’m sorry, **_what_**?! What the fuck are you talking about?”

Kurt winced and gripped his mug tighter, “Y-you had given up on me. You told Cooper that you didn’t want to call me or have me come see you.”

“It’s not like you wanted to be there anyway!” Blaine shot back, his defenses building rapidly around him.

Kurt shook his head, “I wanted to make sure you were okay. I w-was worried. Plus it’s not like I’d given up, I w-was just-“

“Working through some shit, fine, but still, Kurt. We’d **_talked_** , expressed our fucking fears about being close to each other and I **_thought_** we’d worked to a point where we could talk this shit out, or at least let each other know that we just need some time to figure shit out rather than cut off all communication, but apparently I was fucking wrong. Again. **_I_** was worried that either I’d done something or something had happened. Once you chose not to answer my calls I realized it was my own fucking fault for some reason, I didn’t know **_what_** but it didn’t matter, all that mattered was that you’d cut me off. **_Fuck_** maybe we were right to not try and be close to one another. This is all so fucked.” Blaine ran a frustrated hand over his face, “All I can say is I’m sorry for obviously causing you to panic, but I’m **_not_** sorry for trying to be your friend and trying to make you see that you have a talent beyond working in a fucking grocery store. Excuse me.”

It was Blaine’s turn to gather his stuff and walk out of the diner before Kurt could protest, tears threatening at the finality of the loss of the one true friend he’d had in years.

* * *

Kurt stood frowning at the still flooding in crowd. He’d been lucky enough to secure a stool at the back corner of the bar where he was sure he couldn’t be seen from the stage, but the crowd was really pushing in. Kurt was sure the bar owners had to be breaking fire code at that point. He focused on keeping his breathing even and began blocking out the crowd to the best of his ability. There was a buzz in the air with one name floating in every conversation that broke into Kurt’s safety bubble; Blaine Anderson.

Kurt jumped at a sudden burst of screams. He looked to the stage and saw Blaine reaching for his guitar before spinning to grin at the crowd.

“All right! Thank you all for coming out tonight!” Blaine cheered into the microphone, the screams only got louder as he held up a hand to block out some of the light so he could see the crowd, “Looks like we have a full house tonight so let’s be kind to one another and don’t push those around you, okay? We don’t need a repeat of my last bar gig.” Blaine laughed.

Kurt had read about it online, apparently a fight broke out when a guy pushed another guy out of the way to get closer for Blaine to notice him and all hell broke loose.

“Kick back and enjoy the music! Before we get rolling, I’m excited to let you guys know that I have an official release date for my album. Go follow Rocket Records on Twitter to see the announcement on Monday, okay?” Everyone screamed again and Blaine’s megawatt smile warmed Kurt’s-

_‘NO! Focus on why you’re here. You haven’t seen him in weeks. Just try and be supportive. Be his friend. Give him a chance but don’t open up too much.’_

“I’m going to debut a new song to start off the set, then we’ll get back to the songs you guys already know, cool?” Blaine said, followed by more screams, “Awesome. This one’s called ‘Take a Breath’ and in parentheses, because they’re awesome, ‘Take a Chance’. Enjoy.”

The music started up on Blaine’s count as he nodded to his keyboardist. Kurt’s heart stopped in his chest as he recognized the tune flowing between the keyboard and Blaine’s guitar. It was the tune Blaine always hummed to him. It was the song Blaine had been working on the last time they’d talked.

The rest of the set went quickly and with plenty of crazy, fun moments, but Kurt could only focus on the beginning, the first song that captured his attention and held onto his entire being. Suddenly there were mixes of ‘boo’ and cheers as Blaine announced his last song; obviously the ‘boo’ were because no one wanted Blaine to be done, but the guy had played for over an hour already, pushing extra songs at the approval of the bar owner. The last song was upbeat rock with a hint of dance thrown in and Kurt could already tell it would be a hit once the album officially came out.

“Thank you guys so much, I appreciate all of your support. Remember to follow Rocket Records to keep an eye out for my album announcement!” Blaine said before quickly exiting the stage with one final wave and accompanying wink.

People began filtering out, not everyone as the bar was still open, but a good portion and it was as shocking as it was exciting that people really had only come to the bar to hear Blaine play. Kurt couldn’t help but fill with pride for the other man.

Kurt got another Sprite and watched the door where he figured Blaine would pop out from and sure enough fifteen minutes later he walked out in a fresh outfit, as his other one had been sweated out, and a grin on his face.

Kurt sat up straight on his stool, debating going over to talk with Blaine or wait to be noticed. He didn’t have to make a decision as Blaine strolled over to order himself a drink, thanking people as he went whenever they stopped him. As Blaine reached the bar, he turned to scan the people and met Kurt’s gaze. Kurt offered a small smile and half-wave; the other man stared at him for a minute while he ordered a beer.

Blaine took a step towards him once he secured a beer in his hand, only to be stopped by a guy who was blatantly checking Blaine out. Blaine held a polite conversation for a moment but his gaze kept going to Kurt. The guy grabbed Blaine’s wrist for a minute, nearly begging him for something and Blaine finally nodded with a smile. The guy ordered several shots and they did them together; Kurt watched on in interest. Blaine swallowed the shots like they were water. He thanked the guy with a wink and a half hug, agreeing to a quick photo taken by the guy’s friend who’d been waiting quietly in the wings. After one more thanks, Blaine finally walked over to Kurt. With every step, Kurt felt his body tensing and he focused on his breathing again.

“Kurt? I-what are you doing here?” Blaine asked, a soft smile on his face.

Kurt shrugged, “I wanted to hear you play.”

Blaine nodded, “Well, I hope it was worth it.”

Kurt smiled and looked to his Sprite, “It was. The, um, the first song turned out great.”

“Thanks, Kurt. I’m really glad you like it. It was...definitely the hardest for me, but I’m proud of it.”

Kurt looked up into the golden hazel eyes staring at him. His world seemed to stop, encasing them in an intense bubble of their own. Kurt opened his mouth to respond but their bubble was shattered by Blaine turning to face someone who’d tapped his shoulder. Kurt swallowed at the sudden emotion flooding through him.

He watched Blaine make small talk with yet another possible suitor who also insisted on buying Blaine a shot or three. Blaine finally winced at the last one, thanking the guy with a hug before turning back to Kurt. His eyes showed the alcohol had begun to hit, as did his loose grin.

“So, congrats on getting a release date,” Kurt said as Blaine plopped onto the stool next to him.

“Where have you been?” Blaine asked, leaning on his hand as his elbow rested on the bar, his other hand fiddling with the label on his beer bottle.

“W-what?” Kurt asked, confusion coursing through him at the sudden change of conversation.

“ ** _Well_** , I go to the diner every day as usual and I keep waiting for you to show up again and you always stand me up. Where have you been?” Blaine asked again with his eyebrows raised.

Kurt took a gulp of his Sprite and took a deep breath as his heart began to beat faster and is stomach began to turn, “You r-ran out last time. I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

Blaine frowned deeply at him, letting go of his bottle in favor of Kurt’s wrist, “Kurt, I just needed some space. We both did. We both were-are- scared of what we have the potential of being because we know we can easily hurt each other. I don’t want to be scared, Kurt. I just want you around.”

Kurt felt his eyes widen with every passing word. He took several deep breaths before responding in a shaky voice, “W-what do we have the potential of being?”

Blaine let go of Kurt’s wrist with a wave, “Close. **_Close_**. We almost got there but we ran away,” Blaine flung his arm out and almost hit a guy who was passing by; the guy glared at Blaine but he didn’t seem to notice, “I’m so fucking sick of running. Let’s just...be friends again. Okay, Kurt?”

Things were starting to spin, “B-Blaine I’m not sure th-“

“I’m not either, but you know what? The **_universe_** is.” Blaine said, leaning forward with a bright smile.

“What?”

“The universe **_knows_** we should be friends. It’s why I go to the diner. It’s why you came tonight,” Blaine jumped off the stool and grabbed both of Kurt’s hands gently, “Obviously we need to be friends. **_Fuck_** that’s the least of what we need to be, but let’s just be there for each other. No more running.”

Things stopped spinning as Blaine leaned forward to rest his forehead against Kurt’s, locking their eyes together. Kurt felt the world around him stop as his body tensed up as everything within him battled. He’d come out that night for a reason and Blaine had articulated exactly that reason. He needed Blaine. As much as it truly scared him and that he knew he shouldn’t, he decided Blaine was right.

“No more running.” Kurt whispered.

Blaine laughed softly, his warm, alcohol scented breath hitting Kurt’s nose and mouth, “Agreed,” Blaine leaned away and took his seat again, pushing his abandoned bottle away, “Let me buy you a drink, what’re you having?”

Kurt bit his lip, “Sprite.”

Blaine smiled warmly, “No alcohol?” Kurt shook his head and Blaine nodded, signaling for a refill for them both.

**XXXX**

Three hours later, the bar was trying to close up and Kurt was trying to drag a very drunken Blaine out of the door, but Blaine insisted on thanking the bartender once again for all of the drinks. Kurt sighed in relief when they finally hit the cool evening air.

“Kurt. **_Kurt_**. **KURT**!” Blaine shouted right into his ear as he looped his arm around Kurt’s shoulders.

“Blaine, I’m right here, what is it?”

Blaine giggled and Kurt couldn’t help but smile back. Apparently drunk Blaine, once you got past the sex hungry level (which was beyond uncomfortable for Kurt when Blaine tried to look around for someone to hook up with, not excluding Kurt, before remembering the conversation they’d been having), turned into a five-year-old.

“I’m just so glad you stayed with me tonight. I missed you.” Blaine replied with a dopey smile on his face.

Kurt smiled in reply as they walked toward the subway station. As they walked, Kurt realized that while he’d been to Blaine’s before, he couldn’t remember exactly where it was.

“Blaine, what stop are y- ** _oomph_** ” Blaine had tripped over his own feet, almost bringing Kurt down with him, “Okay.” Kurt took a deep breath as Blaine picked himself back up, giggling all the while.

They were right near Kurt’s apartment, but Blaine had never been there before and a fear began to build within Kurt about bringing the other man back to his apartment, into his place of safety. He shook his head and looped his arm around Blaine’s waist as Blaine looped his arm around Kurt’s shoulders again.

“Uh oh,” Blaine said with a disgusted face.

“Wh-“ Kurt was only able to get out before Blaine rushed to the nearest garbage can and emptied his stomach. Kurt sighed again and realized taking Blaine home across town would be even more difficult than anticipated. Once Blaine was finished, Kurt resumed his position at Blaine’s side, “Okay, we’re going back to my place. Is that okay?”

Blaine looked at him with shining eyes and a wide smile, “You want me to go to your house? You never have me over.”

Kurt tried to suppress his gag at Blaine’s vomit and alcohol laced breath, “Well, I’ve only been to your place once anyway. I just don’t feel like going across town. Are you okay with that?”

Blaine nodded rapidly and Kurt rolled his eyes affectionately before beginning to drag Blaine with him again.

* * *

Blaine awoke the next morning in yet another strange apartment with a raging headache, an awful taste in his mouth and nausea coursing through his system.  _‘Fuck, what’d I do? I was hanging out with Kurt, what led me to this guy’s apartment?’_

He slowly sat up from the bed and looked around. He saw sparse decorations and personal things in the room, but everything was placed in easy eyesight, as though they were placed for a reason. Blaine made to find his clothes, only to realize he was wearing them. He frowned and checked his fly, it too was done up. He shrugged and made for the en suite bathroom, a little worried that he hadn’t seen the owner of the bed he’d slept in yet. As he relieved his bladder he heard a noise from outside the bedroom. He frowned and finished as fast as possible, washing his hands quickly before exiting the room.

He opened the door to reveal short hall leading to a living room where a familiar form was hunched in on itself, shaking and whimpering. _‘Fuck...no I didn’t...no. Did I?’_

Blaine slowly walked towards where Kurt was curled up and sank onto the couch, giving him some room.

“Kurt?” A startled jump and another whimper acknowledged his presence, “Kurt...deep breaths, it’s okay. I won’t hurt you.” Blaine said, trying not to gag at the chalky feeling in his throat, “Breathe for me.”

Blaine reached his hand out and touched Kurt’s shoulder, meaning to be a reassuring weight, only to have it slapped away as Kurt’s head shot up with wide, fear-filled eyes. He looked as though he hadn’t slept yet with dark circles under his eyes and his hair sticking up wildly. _‘What did I do last night?!’_

Blaine felt helpless as he tried to smile reassuringly, “Deep breaths, it’ll be okay.”

Blaine began to hum the tune that he’d always hummed before and Kurt immediately began to relax, closing his eyes and taking shaky but deeper breaths. Blaine continued to hum until Kurt had all but fallen asleep as he sagged against the arm of the couch.

“I-I’m sorry,” Kurt mumbled.

“It’s okay. Do you want to talk about it? Did I do something last night? I just... ** _fuck_** I could never live with mys-“

“You didn’t do anything. I just...You’re the f-first person besides Rachel, Santana and Brittany that has been in my apartment except for my dad and Carole. And S-Santana and Brittany barged their way in the first time they were here. I guess I just know it’s taking another step and-and I,” Kurt’s breathing was becoming irregular again, “I’m scared. I went to your sh-show and wanted to be f-friends again b-b-but I-I-“

“Okay Kurt, I need you to breathe for me, okay? Stop talking for a second.” Blaine scooted closer, this time Kurt allowed him to hold his hand, “Breathe. Slow down. It’s okay.”

Several minutes later, Kurt was calmed down again, “I want to work on us being friends. L-last night was great to talk and spend time together. I shouldn’t be this w-worked up but...” Kurt trailed off.

“It’s new. I get it. I won’t hurt you. You know that right?”

Kurt bit his lip, “I’m trying to learn that. I try not to hurt you, and will keep trying, you know **_that_** right?”

Blaine nodded, “For what it’s worth, I like your apartment,” Blaine said looking around him, noticing the continuation of sparse decorating, “You seem to have your important stuff in view. Very homey. Better than my ridiculously designer decorated house. I should have done it myself because I already feel more comfortable here than I do there. Good call.”

Kurt choked out a laugh, “Thanks. Your home is beautiful though, I’d love to have some of your pieces if I had a bigger place.”

“Well, let me know when that is and I’ll give you whatever you want.”

They smiled shyly at each other as they connected yet again and Blaine suddenly felt something within him lurch, but it wasn’t the nausea of too many drinks from the night before.

“How’re you feeling?” Kurt asked through a yawn as he removed his hand from Blaine’s grasp.

Blaine shrugged, “Like I drank too much. Sorry about that, by the way.”

Kurt shrugged, “It’s okay, you only puked once in a garbage can near the bar so you didn’t ruin anything here.”

Blaine nodded and sucked in his lips for a moment, debate heavy in his mind, “I didn’t try and...sleep with you last night did I? When I get drunk I tend to find guys to fuck and call it good. I sort of remember looking for someone but... ** _shit_** I didn’t try and get in your pants did I?”

Kurt shifted in his spot on the couch, “No, well, you looked at me for a minute but changed your mind, thank you by the way but no thank you; and you only looked around for a while so it’s not like it was a big deal. Y-you were just very clingy, especially when I finally got you to lay down. I-It’s okay though.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Kurt shook his head, “Don’t be. You were entertaining so I forgive you.”

Kurt yawned again, wider this time causing his eyes to water.

“How much sleep did you get?” Blaine inquired, feeling guilty for making Kurt feel uncomfortable.

“Um, not...a whole lot...” Kurt trailed off, looking to his knees.

_‘None. Look what you did. IN HIS OWN HOME! What were you thinking getting that drunk? Doing those things to Kurt? Obviously he’s trying to hold back how exhausted and uncomfortable he is. What the-‘_

“ **BLAINE**!”

Blaine looked up from his position on the floor, unsure of how he’d gotten there, his head was pounding worse than before and his vision was swimming around the edges.

“W-what-“

“Blaine, um, I’m fine, really. It was my own doing for...what you saw earlier. I invited you here. Pl-please don’t feel guilty.” Kurt was crouched over and had a hand on the back of Blaine’s head, obviously having caught him as he fell.

Blaine sat up and slid away from Kurt, “I’m sorry. I should, uh, go.” Blaine stood, everything began spinning in time with the throbbing in his head.

“Blaine, please sit. I-I can make us some breakfast. Then you can go...just please wait? I w-want to make sure you’ll be okay before you leave.” Kurt had crossed his arms over his stomach and was biting his lip.

With things continuing to spin, albeit slower, Blaine clumsily sat on the couch again, “Okay. Thank you.” He said quietly before placing his head between his knees to try and stop the spinning.

Soon there was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen and Blaine slowly lifted his head; glad to see the spinning had stopped, he stood and made his way towards the smell. Kurt was flopping a pancake on top of an already large stack.

“Can I help?” Blaine asked from the doorway as Kurt poured more batter into the pan.

Kurt turned to face him and the domesticity of the situation hit Blaine in the face, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he smiled at the other man.

“Um, you could set the table? Plates are in there,” Kurt pointed to a cupboard, “Silverware is in there,” Kurt pointed to a drawer, “And glasses are in there,” Kurt pointed to a different cabinet, “I’ll have some orange juice that’s in the fridge, you can help yourself to whatever you want.”

Blaine nodded and grabbed plates and silverware, figuring he’d come back for the cups. He made his way to the table and noticed a notebook laying open, seemingly forgotten, on one side. He set the stack down and made to grab it and his eyes immediately bulged out of his head. On the page was two faceless figures standing side by side, one in a gorgeous dress, the other in a suit that had some interesting embellishments added to it. _‘Kurt’s original designs.’_

Blaine quickly set the table and grabbed the notebook to move out of the way before heading back for the glasses, but as he went to close it he noticed another figure on the opposite page. This figure had a very stylish casual but not everyday look on. Blaine stared in awe at all of the details put into the drawing.

“Blaine? Is everything-what is that?”

Blaine turned to see Kurt staring between him and the notebook, the plate of pancakes hanging precariously loose in his grip.

“Kurt, these are-“

“Private. What-why- ** _Blaine_**!” Kurt slammed the pancakes on the table and stalked over to grab the notebook out of Blaine’s hands.

“I’m sorry! It was open on the table and I was trying to move it out of the way so it didn’t get ruined but I got distracted because-“

“Because you were snooping!”

“No, because they were **_amazing_**. Kurt you-“

“Not this again,” Kurt mumbled, sinking into a chair with a defeated sigh, “Blaine. I think you should-“

“No, Kurt, please just listen. When did you draw those?” Kurt bit his lip as his chin quivered, his gaze fixed on the table, “When?” Blaine pressed.

“Last week.”

Blaine’s jaw dropped, “ ** _See_**. I knew you had it in-“

“ **BLAINE WILL YOU JUST DROP IT**!?” Kurt suddenly snapped, tears finally flowing down his cheeks, “I was trying...no...can we please just eat breakfast and ignore this?” Kurt said, finally meeting Blaine’s gaze again, signaling to his notebook, “ ** _Please_**?”

Blaine nodded and went to quickly grab the glasses from the kitchen before sitting across from Kurt.

“I’m sor-“

“It’s fine.” Kurt said with a small wave of his hand.

“Thanks for breakfast and letting me crash last night.”

Kurt met Blaine’s gaze again and Blaine could see several emotions flash through his eyes before they settled on a carefully placed neutral look.

“You’re welcome.”


	14. Chapter 14

_‘If it were a halter instead it would make her look less frumpy. Then we would put a belt around her middle right above her hips to accentuate her waist rather than her hips. Of course the belt would need to be a pop of color considering her dress is all-wait. What?! No. Focus.’_

Kurt shook himself from staring at the woman in her unflattering sundress and began his work on the cereal once again. This had been happening a lot. He would see someone and immediately begin fixing their outfits or designing outfits from scratch in his head for them. It was maddening. He hated to admit it was also sort of like coming home. He’d truly missed designing but hadn’t realized just how much until he allowed himself to do so in private again.

Kurt focused back to the cereal and began humming under his breath to the song that was playing over the speakers, smiling when he realized it was one of Blaine’s. Blaine’s album was selling faster than stores could hold them. Kurt, of course, had gotten a free copy from the man himself. He was proud of his friend. Blaine had been playing bigger and bigger venues around New York and everything seemed to be going his way.

Kurt had been given more hours at the store. He talked with Santana and Brittany once a week. He and Rachel got coffee or drinks a few times a week. He spent as much time as he could with Blaine. He designed in his book at home and kept it hidden from all eyes because he knew he’d never do anything with them. The only person that knew he was designing was Blaine and he’d learned not to ask about Kurt’s designs.

“Kurt! Kurt!” A very happy Blaine bounced through the aisles looking for him.

Kurt swallowed and turned away from the couple lingering nearby who turned to stare as Blaine came towards him.

“Hey Blaine,” Kurt said quietly.

“Hey, I know I saw you this morning but this couldn’t wait and I wanted to ask you in person.” Blaine bounced from on foot to another.

Kurt stared at him with wide eyes, “Um, okay. What is it?”

“What are you doing Saturday the 23rd?”

“Um...nothing?” Kurt replied cautiously, afraid of what he was signing up for.

“Please, please, **_please_** be my date to the Music Note Awards?” Blaine nearly screeched at Kurt.

Kurt’s mouth dropped open, “You...are you nominated?”

Blaine’s grin grew brighter, “And performing!”

“ ** _What_**?! Blaine! Oh my god!” Kurt nearly screamed, before launching himself at the other man.

He closed his eyes as he fell into Blaine’s embrace and wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck, pulling him tight. He became painfully aware of his surroundings a moment later when Seth’s voice rang over the intercom about their sale on canned soup. He immediately pulled away and straightened his clothes, taking a few deep breaths to stay calm.

“Congratulations, Blaine. I’m very happy for you. And yes, I’d love to be your date.” Kurt said, biting his lip as he looked to the other man.

Blaine’s cheeks were dusted pink as he smiled back, “Thank you! I’m really looking forward to it, it’ll be fun! Okay, I’ll let you get back to work, but I’ll see you tomorrow at the diner, right?”

Kurt nodded, “Of course.”

As soon as Blaine was out of view, Kurt closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face, trying to will away the fluttering of his heart and the visions of suits fit for the red carpet.

* * *

The next day found Blaine staring out of the diner window, waiting for Kurt. The other man was running later than usual and Blaine was almost to the point of heading home, simply because he couldn’t wait forever. The bell over the door rang as a flustered Kurt sat into his seat across from Blaine.

Blaine blinked at him with wide eyes. The Kurt seated in front of him wasn’t the usual Kurt. He was wearing a tight white helney shirt with a blue vest over it and his hair was styled over his head in an apparently carefully done coif.

Lily dropped off a cup of coffee for Kurt, “Kurt you look amazing! Are those the new Marc Jacobs boots?”

Blaine ducked his head to look at Kurt’s feet. Sure enough, the man was wearing the new Marc Jacobs knee high boots over skin tight jeans.

“Thanks Lily, yes they are.” Kurt replied quietly, fidgeting in his seat.

“Oh my god they look fantastic on you!” Lily squealed.

“Thanks,” Kurt said, meeting Blaine’s eye with a shy smile.

“Oh, I’ll let you two talk. Sorry!”

“It’s fine Lil,” Blaine replied with a smile, his gaze not leaving Kurt’s.

As soon as she was back to the counter, Kurt let out a deep breath and Blaine couldn’t help but smile at the relieved look on his face.

He reached across the table and squeezed Kurt’s hand, “You do look great, Kurt,” He took his hand back and sat back in his side of the booth, hands fidgeting with his coffee cup, “What’s the occasion?”

Kurt blushed and took a drink of his coffee, “Um, I wanted to...ask you s-something. I guess.”

“Sure, what is it?” Blaine suddenly felt nervous as Kurt opened and shut his mouth several times without any words coming out.

“Okay. So. Um.”

Blaine waited for a moment and nothing else came out, “What is it Kurt? Is everything okay?”

Kurt nodded and swallowed, “Y-yeah. Um, I just wondered if...if you w-wanted to of course...if you’d l-let me d-d-design your s-suit for the awards?”

Blaine’s mouth dropped open in shock as his insides froze. After a long moment of staring at Kurt as the other man tried to stammer his way out of the unanswered question, Blaine spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You’d design a suit for me?”

Kurt stopped talking and bit his lip as he nodded, “I s-sort of did already. I have the d-design here if you w-want to see it.”

“Yes please,” Blaine breathed, not even caring that he probably looked like a lunatic, staring at the man across from him like the sky had opened up around him.

In a way, it sort of had. Kurt was going to-already had- designed a suit for Blaine to wear at the Noties and he was actually going to let him wear it. Had this been even a month ago, even two weeks ago, Kurt would have ended up in a panic attack. Blaine had noticed the subtle changes with Kurt recently, but didn’t want to say anything; he just watched and admired from afar.

“Um, so, th-this is yours. The other one is mine.” Kurt said pointing between the two pieces of paper that he’d slid in front of Blaine.

Blaine looked down to the papers and gasped, “Kurt...they’re perfect.”

* * *

Kurt glanced out of the window of the SUV that he and Blaine were riding in and immediately had to look to his lap again and take several deep breaths. The crowds were loud and large that surrounded the red carpet. Not to mention the long line of photographers and press waiting to get their hands on Blaine, and by extension, Kurt. Kurt felt a hand on his and followed the arm up to meet Blaine’s gaze.

“You okay?” Blaine asked quietly, ignoring the glare shot at him from Rylan, his Sonja-appointed publicist.

Kurt swallowed and nodded, “Y-yeah. Sorry. I’m just...it’s a lot of people. I’ll be okay though.”

Blaine smiled and squeezed his hand before letting it go as they rolled to a stop, “Here we go. It’ll be okay, I’ll be with you.”

Kurt followed Blaine out of the car and was met by a swell of screams. Blaine was definitely well known by then, with his chart topping album and few television appearances as well as the many gigs around New York, and it seemed like everyone wanted him to notice them. Blaine looked to Kurt with a wink as he buttoned his suit jacket and they walked forward.

“Okay, photos first then press line. Remember to keep your swearing to a minimum Mr. Anderson, Sonja was **_not_** happy after your last appearance.”

“Yeah, yeah. Thanks Ry.” Blaine turned to Kurt, “Okay, when I go to step in front of the photographers, run to the other side and we can walk together after that, okay?”

Kurt nodded and reached to straighten Blaine’s slightly tilted bowtie, “G-um-good luck, I guess.”

Blaine laughed, “Thanks.”

Kurt met Blaine’s gaze again and suddenly the world around them seemed to dull out, “It’s your night, Blaine. You’ll be great.”

Blaine licked his lips as his gaze flittered from Kurt’s eyes to his lips and back again, “Thank you. Thank you for being here with me.”

Kurt’s heart began to flutter as butterflies filled his stomach. He took a half-step forward and watched as Blaine did the same.

“Mr. Anderson! You’re up! Mr. Hummel, to the other side, please.” Rylan’s voice cut into their bubble.

Kurt did as he was told and watched in quiet awe as Blaine schmoosed with the photographers as though they were his friends and held different poses for them, ranging from serious to his usual bright smile. After the last batch of photographers had taken Blaine’s photo, he strolled straight to Kurt with a bright smile that Kurt couldn’t help but to return.

“How’d I do?” Blaine asked cheerily.

“Good. They seemed to love you,” Kurt said.

Blaine held out his arms to his sides a bit, “Did I model your fabulous suit well enough?”

“ ** _Shhhh_**!” Kurt looked around wildly, his entire body seizing up.

“Shit. I’m sorry, Kurt. No one heard, it’s too loud,” Blaine rushed out, “ ** _Fuck_** , I’m so sorry.”

Kurt closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, “No, it’s fine. I’m sorry. But you-you did great, yeah.”

Blaine smiled warmly, “I love thi-“

“Mr. Anderson, press, now.”

“Fucking-okay Rylan, coming,” Blaine said with a roll of his eyes and a squeeze of Kurt’s hand, “Let’s go sweet talk some reporters.”

Kurt stood out of sight as Blaine talked to the reporters. They all begged him to know who designed his suit, but he kept to his promise of saying an anonymous designer made it special for him. He also dodged the boyfriend line of questioning when he said he’d brought his best friend with him. All in all, Blaine knew how to work the red carpet; probably from going with Cooper, but Kurt was still very impressed.

As Blaine was talking to the last reporter, Kurt’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out and bit his lip when he saw the text from Rachel, trying to keep himself in control and not alert Blaine of any issue.

**_ FROM RACHEL: Kurt Hummel. I’m BEYOND upset! You didn’t tell me you were designing again! And don’t ‘how’d you know, Rachel?’ me, you know I know a Kurt Hummel design when I see one. Why aren’t you making ME clothes?! _ **

Kurt jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he met Blaine’s gaze with a weak smile, “You’re a g-great interview.”

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asked as his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“J-Just that Rachel saw your s-suit and is m-mad I’m not making her c-clothes too. I’m fine.” Kurt shrugged as though it were no big deal; which in hindsight it wasn’t, but he needed to get his mind to accept that.

“Well, we’re done out here. We should head in and find our seats.” Blaine smiled, letting the subject drop, which Kurt was grateful for.

As soon as they found their seats, Blaine got pulled into a conversation with Hill-A-Ray, the new pop artist who had been blowing up the charts and had been placed next to them. Kurt decided to text Rachel back just to get it off his mind.

**_ TO RACHEL: I was inspired. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. It’s a one time deal. _ **

**_ FROM RACHEL: Hmph.  _ **

Kurt rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone, looking around at all of the fashions walking past him, secretly fixing them to make them more flattering for everyone.

Soon enough, the lights dimmed and the show started. Blaine’s performance got a standing ovation from everyone. Kurt had unashamedly hugged him when he got back to his seat, proud of being able to do so in such a crowded room.

It finally came time for Blaine’s award to be announced. Blaine reached over and took Kurt’s hand. Kurt looked over and saw the nerves etched on every centimeter of Blaine’s face.

“And the Notie goes to... ** _Blaine Anderson_**!”

Kurt couldn’t help the yelp of excitement as a wide grin spread over his face so wide it hurt his cheeks. Blaine seemed to be frozen so Kurt jumped up and pulled him with him to stand. Blaine looked at Kurt and had tears swimming in his eyes. Kurt pulled him into a quick hug.

“I knew you’d do it. Get up there!” Kurt said into his ear before pushing him into the aisle.

That spurred Blaine into action and he jogged down the aisle, kissing the presenter’s cheek as he took the award from her.

“Oh. My. God.” Blaine said in a shaky voice as he stared down at the trophy in his hands, Kurt couldn’t get the beam off of his face, “Wow. Thank you to the...I’m sorry,” Blaine cleared his throat as the tears in his eyes threatened to fall as he finally looked to the crowd, “Thank you to the Association for giving me this award. I...I never expected this and I’m so grateful. Thank you to Rocket Records for being gracious enough to have me on their label. Coop, I know you’re watching,” Blaine pointed at the general direction of a camera, making Kurt laugh, “Love you bro. I especially want to thank Kurt.” Kurt’s eyes widened, “Without you, I wouldn’t be where I am now. Thank you!”

Blaine trotted off stage, staring at his trophy once again. Kurt had never been prouder of someone than he was in that moment for Blaine.

**XXXX**

“What about...Katy Perry? Did you meet Katy Perry?” Lily asked excitedly as she refilled Kurt’s cup.

It was his turn to wait for Blaine. The other man had been in nonstop meetings since the awards and finally found a morning they could meet, only to be pulled into another meeting. Blaine had promised to come straight to the diner after the meeting, so Kurt waited.

“Yes, Blaine made sure we met her,” Kurt laughed, “She was nice.”

Lily practically squealed, “Oh my god! You’re so **_lucky_**! All of these famous people and you. Met. Them!”

Kurt smiled, “I was just glad to spend time with Blaine.”

Lily narrowed her eyes at him with a conspiring grin on her face, “What **_is_** going on with you two anyway? Something’s...different lately.”

Kurt felt his cheeks warm, “Um, I-I,” The bell over the door chimed and Kurt breathed a sigh of relief as Blaine walked in.

“This isn’t over,” Lily said with a wink before turning to Blaine, “Congratulations!” She squealed as she hugged him.

“Thanks Lil.” Blaine said with a smile.

She ran to get him a cup as he sat down. Kurt could see something was off but didn’t address it as the three of them chatted for a few minutes before Lily left them alone.

“Kurt-“

“How-“

They both laughed as they spoke at the same time.

“You go first,” Blaine offered as he took a drink of coffee.

“Oh, I was just going to ask how your meeting went.” Kurt said with a shrug, “No big deal. What were you going to say?”

“Um, actually it’s along that line...Kurt, I’m going on tour.” Blaine said quietly.

Kurt felt his heart stop in his chest, “Oh! That’s...that’s great!” Kurt said in a falsely happy voice, not even really sure why he wasn’t ecstatic for his friend.

“Yeah, yeah...it’ll be good,” Blaine swallowed, “It’s for two months.”

Kurt took a deep breath as his heart thumped painfully and his stomach dropped, “Oh, well, that’s good. That means...lots of stops right?”

Blaine nodded and looked to his hands, “I guess I just...um...”

Kurt was startled at his usually articulate friend who’d gone nearly wordless.

“What is it?”

Blaine looked up and met his gaze, the tension between them palpable.

Blaine looked away after a moment, “Nothing. It’ll, um, it’ll be fun.”

When Blaine met Kurt’s gaze again, his smile wasn’t even half-genuine. Kurt knew his just about matched.


	15. Chapter 15

Kurt stared down at the drawing in front of him. He bit his lip as he turned his head, staring through narrowed eyes. He grabbed the blue pencil and slowly made whisping marks along the skirt part of the dress, leading from the hem to the waistline. He put the pencil down, humming along with the song playing from his speakers; the song that had been on repeat for the past few hours as he worked; the song that inspired the dress and complimentary men’s outfit.

The sixth song on Blaine’s album.

Kurt looked the dress over one more time, smiling contentedly as he deemed the dress finished. He looked back through the other five sets of clothes; one male and one female outfit for each song on Blaine’s album. He was only halfway through the album, but he still had a month left until Blaine got home.

It had been a long month. Kurt hadn’t realized just how much he valued the time he spent with Blaine nearly every day until it was taken from him. He knew he enjoyed spending time with Blaine, but he felt like a piece of his day was missing, even though he stuck to his usual routine.

Kurt’s phone dinged, reminding him to leave. Well. Almost his usual routine.

**XXXX**

“When was the last time you visited home?” Dr. Diaz asked, Veronica, Kurt mentally reminded himself.

His head snapped up as her question sunk in, “Wh-what?”

She smiled kindly at him, relaxing her pen onto the notepad in her lap, “When was the last time you visited Lima? To go see your family?”

Kurt shifted in his seat, frowning slightly, “Um, I haven’t been back s-since moving here. D-dad and Carole have come t-to visit. I-I can’t go back.” He whispered the last sentence, his hands fisting together tightly in his lap.

Veronica made a note on her notepad as she asked, “Why can’t you go back? I know there are painful memories there, but it could be good to go back and make new memories there.”

Kurt felt his chin begin to quiver and he swallowed thickly, shaking his head, “I can’t.” He whispered, tugging his knees up to rest his chin on them, wrapping his arms around himself, “P-people will...” He felt his heart begin to pick up speed and his breathing start to come quicker at the thought of the people back home. The small minded, all remembering people who would surely remember...”I-I-“

“Kurt, focus on my voice. Count backwards from twenty, skipping the odds. Just like we’ve been working on. You’ve got this,” Veronica’s soothing voice cut through Kurt’s thoughts.

He took a shaky breath, “Twenty, eighteen, sixteen...” He counted down to zero, feeling considerably calmer once finished, only the dull ach left in his stomach, “I can’t.” He repeated, shaking his head.

“We can talk about it another time,” Veronica replied, “Have you heard from Blaine recently?”

Kurt relaxed slightly at Blaine’s name, he smiled softly as he nodded, “He called yesterday.”

“And?” Veronica prompted.

Kurt took a deep breath, “And we had a good talk. I just...” Kurt shook his head, biting his lip.

“You just...?” She prompted again.

“I just miss him. A lot.”

* * *

Blaine sighed as he stared out of the tour bus window. They were parked in front of the next venue, he’d just completed sound check and had a couple of hours to kill. He pulled out his phone, debating calling Kurt but decided against it. He really missed the other man, more so than he had originally thought. He wished he could have brought him along or at least flown him out for a few days. It had been a long month. Sure, they had their phone calls and skype conversations but it simply wasn’t the same.

He unlocked his phone, pulling up his GPS to find a good local coffee shop. After locating one he pulled on his beanie and sunglasses. While having people stop him to ask for an autograph, photo or just to tell him they liked his music was flattering, Blaine really just wanted to go for a walk and get some coffee. He peeked out the side window, shaking his head when he saw people already lined up for the concert. He saw a cab pull up behind the bus and sighed, more people. _‘Why are they lining up so early? It’s a beautiful summer day, go enjoy the day! I’m not **that** special.’_

Blaine stepped off the bus, luckily no one seemed to recognize his back as he walked the opposite direction of the line to get coffee. No one recognized him until a car door slammed and a voice shot through the peace.

“ **BLAINEY**!!”

Then came the screams. Blaine sighed and could actually feel his shoulders slump in defeat as he turned. He couldn’t tell if the screams were for him or Cooper, but either way they were already ringing in Blaine’s ears. He smiled politely and lifted a hand in greeting to the crowd, who were being held off by the venue’s security. Cooper came walking up slowly, smiling widely, looking between the crowd and Blaine, nodding more to himself than anyone else.

“What are you doing here Coop? Shouldn’t you be on location somewhere?” Blaine asked as he hugged Cooper in greeting.

Cooper laughed, “Nah, just wrapped last weekend. Plus a little birdy told me you weren’t enjoying your tour like you should be,” he replied, fist bumping Neil, Blaine’s drummer, as he walked past.

Blaine narrowed his eyes at both of them, sighing as he turned to walk away towards the coffee shop he’d been originally heading for, “I’m enjoying it just fine. Just because I don’t go out drinking on our nights off, or really do much of anything doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it. I’m exhausted. Touring is tough.”

Cooper fell into step with Blaine, “See that’s the thing! It’s **_you_**! You could be out getting so much tail and free drinks and you’re letting it all slip through your fingers! Being tired never stopped you before, man. Now. I’m here to make sure you enjoy, well, tonight anyway.” Cooper said with a wink, “I understand you guys are staying the night here and heading out to drive tomorrow to your next location, waste of a day off in my opinion, but it’s your tour. Just come out with me tonight and have a little fun, let loose!”

Blaine narrowed his eyes at Cooper, “I’m fine. I don’t want to go out. I want to sleep and have an easy night to enjoy a relaxing drive on my day off, rather than spending it trying to cure a hangover.”

“You can’t let the fact that he’s not here control your fun.” Cooper said bluntly.

Blaine rolled his eyes, but internally knew Cooper had a point, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you do. Kurt. You were too chicken shit to ask him to come along or even so much as tell him you’ll miss him. For all the talking you two do, you guys suck ass at communicating.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Blaine responded, with only a slight bite to his words, as he entered the coffee house, removing his sunglasses to hook them in the pocket of his jeans, “Sure, I miss hanging out with him but we still talk. He’s got nothing to do with me wanting to stay in. Maybe I’m actually growing up.” He said with a pointed look at Cooper.

Cooper barked out a laugh as they approached the counter. They placed their orders, the barista looked closely at them but thankfully seemingly didn’t recognize them. They got their coffees and found a table away from everyone else to sit and talk.

“So, if Kurt’s got nothing to do with it, then why aren’t you taking advantage of your new ass magnet status? I mean, you never had trouble getting some, but now it’s like you just have to snap your fingers. Trust me, I know,” He said with a smirk, “Six months ago you would have had at least a new guy in every city,” Cooper remarked, raising his coffee cup in a toast to what could have been.

The thought made Blaine sick, “Maybe I’ve learned there’s something more and better than getting wasted and fucking every guy who throws himself at me.”

Cooper smirked, “And you say it has nothing to do with Kurt.”

Blaine frowned at his cup, twisting it in his hands. The now familiar ache of loneliness and longing made itself known, causing Blaine to close his eyes and take a few steadying breaths to calm down. He opened his eyes again to find Cooper watching him intently.

“Fine. You want me to go out so bad? We’ll go out. After the show tonight.”

Blaine could have sworn Cooper deflated a little but he knew better that that when the cheery reply came, “Atta boy, Squirt!”

* * *

Kurt booted up his computer after work. He knew it was Blaine’s day off and was sort of shocked not to have heard from him, but he figured he must be taking the time to enjoy the relaxation.

He logged into YouTube as he did each day after a show to see how the concert went, thankful to the fans for the videos going up so quickly. He smiled widely as he watched Blaine perform, looking forward to seeing it live again in only a few short weeks. He passed by a video of Blaine signing autographs outside of the venue. He frowned at a video title that caught his eye.

** DRUNK BLAINE ANDERSON IN CLUB **

Kurt clicked the video. It had clearly been taken by a drunk person on a phone, but sure enough, there Blaine was, grinding between two guys, kissing one as the other kissed Blaine’s neck. Kurt felt sick while watching the video, not only as a violation of Blaine’s privacy but also just...sick. He closed out of the video, hands shaking, feeling on the edge of tears.

His phone chirped in the tone that alerted him of a new tweet. The only person he had Twitter alerts on for was Blaine. He opened the ap and pulled up Blaine’s profile.

_**@BlaineAnderson: Don’t believe everything you read. The media likes twisting things. #famesucks #tryreportingfactsnotfables** _

Kurt closed out of the ap, setting his phone aside, face down. He carefully debated his next move. He’d only Googled Blaine once, and that was with Blaine right next to him so they could read the article about Blaine’s album reaching number one together. He took a deep breath and opened his internet browser once again.

* * *

Blaine frowned at his phone, pacing the hallway outside of the entrance he’d use to go onstage. It had been two weeks since the disastrous night with Cooper and though he tried everything he couldn’t get hold of Kurt. He’d even called Rachel, who promptly told him to stay away. Blaine couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Even if Kurt had seen any of the pictures or articles, Blaine would have thought they were good enough friends that they’d talk about it. Plus, Blaine couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal to Kurt anyway, it’s not like they were anything more than friends. Blaine shook his head, pocketing his phone, hearing the crowd cheering and screaming for him to come play for them. He took a deep breath and ran out onstage.

* * *

_“Do you think it’s possible that the reason you’re reacting so strongly to the photos, video and articles is because you have feelings that are more than friendly towards Blaine?”_

Kurt thought back to his last counseling session with Veronica where she’d asked the million dollar question. He sighed and looked to the drawing in front of him as the last song on Blaine’s album played in the background. He signed off on the drawing, calling it complete. He turned off the music and walked back to his coffee table, which had turned into his workstation of sorts.

As he was cleaning up, a loud repetitive knocking sounded on his door. Kurt dropped everything, jumping backwards, staring at the door. Everyone he knew always texted or called before coming over.

“ **KURT OPEN THE DOOR**!” Cooper’s voice called through the door as the knocking continued.

Kurt swallowed and walked to the door. He slowly cracked it open, barely stepping out of the way enough to not be hit when Cooper slammed it open, walking into the apartment. Kurt closed the door, focusing on the task at hand, using the tools he’d learned with Veronica to not go immediately into panic.

He slowly turned to look at Cooper, who was pacing around the apartment, apparently trying to keep himself calm, “Coo-“

“ ** _Listen_**. My little brother **_trusted_** you. He actually **_liked_** you. Then you go and pull this shit?! It’s been a fucking **_month_** since you two talked. He’s got a show tonight and keeps pacing the bus wondering whether or not you’ll show, too afraid to call or text for fear of the fucking radio silence you’ve been giving him! He doesn’t even know **_why_**. Sure, he’s got an idea but he doesn’t know why you can’t man the fuck up and **_talk to him_** and find out the truth. It’s your choice whether or not to come to the show tonight, but if you don’t, you better not show your face around my brother again. He’s broken enough already.” Cooper said, throwing a VIP backstage ticket on the floor before stomping out of the apartment, throwing a harsh look at Kurt as he went.

* * *

Blaine paced backstage looking from face to face, hoping to find one specific face. He frowned when the stage manager came over and said they could go out at any time. He stopped pacing, looking to his feet. He swallowed thickly, shaking his head as the lump in his throat made it hard to breathe. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

“Squirt I tried. I w-“

“Just fuck off, Coop. I’m trying to get ready, I’m already late getting out there.” Blaine cut him off, batting away a tear that slid down his cheek as he took another several shaky breaths, trying to use the growing noise of the crowd to get himself in the zone. He felt a hand on his shoulder and she shook his head, “Coop, I said **_fuck off_**.” He growled.

“I’m not Cooper, but I’ll leave if you want.”

 


End file.
